What kind of gifted person do you want to be?

Who do you want to be?

I posed this question a few years ago. A strange question, I know. After all, we are who we are. 

Yet, as a gifted person, you might relish the fruits of your powerful mind or creativity or intensity or even your multipotentiality – or you might resent being gifted and view it as a burden. Either way, you are no more responsible for your intellectual strengths than for your eye color. Right?

Well... perhaps you do have some control. 

Many studies suggest that despite the heritability of intelligence, we all are affected by our environment... the impact of pollution, nutrition, early childhood deprivation, trauma, poverty, and the quality of the education we received. There are lucky folks among us who seem to have hit the lottery; a smooth, easy ride through childhood, the absence of trauma, and supportive families and teachers. 

The rest of us... well, we have struggled. Or our giftedness remained hidden or misunderstood. Or we never fully reached our potential.

What path will you choose going forward?

In the aftermath of the recent US election (something I wrote about eight years ago!), gifted folks face questions about the next steps forward:

• How do I calm my overwrought nervous system? 
• How do I comfort my children/friends/family while my anxiety is reeling? 
• How do I respond to the divisiveness in our county?
• Where can I best offer my energy?

As folks regroup, lick their wounds (or bask in their election win), we all need to figure out how to coalesce as a Nation. And who is better prepared to tackle the next four years than those who think deeply and creatively, and can hold/understand/wrestle with the many complexities of the situation?

As a psychologist, writer, parent, and fellow traveler along this life journey, I have encountered many gifted folks. Some enthusiastically embrace life, learning, and their amazing potential. Others suppress and hide their talents and abilities. Still, others feel bitter and angry over lost opportunities and a world that misunderstands their intensity and differences. 

You, as a gifted person, are entitled to take charge of your life and utilize your talents and abilities!

Your passionate engagement with what is meaningful is the best possible use of your inherent strengths. Even if you have endured trauma or a lackluster education. Even if you have been bullied or never feel quite like you fit in. Even if you make mistakes and are far from perfect. Regardless of whether you are 15 or 50 - you deserve to embrace your strengths and challenge yourself to expand your reach. 

For those whose candidate lost the election, give yourself time to grieve, commiserate and rest. Then, consider your path forward and how/when/where to direct your unique talents. Educate yourselves, volunteer, write, lead, create, and stay productive. Find a topic that concerns you most and get involved. For example, with proposed plans to dismantle the Department of Education, special services your child receives through an IEP or GIEP may be at stake. 

But find a cause that speaks to your heart and jump in. Your depth, complexity, and critical thinking skills are needed more than ever.

Poet Mary Oliver's wonderful quote applies here: 

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"

What will you do? What kind of gifted person will you become? How will you tackle the challenges ahead?

This blog post is also published on Substack.

A question to consider: What kind of gifted person do you want to be?

As another New Year looms, some of you might pause to consider who you are and what you want for the year ahead. And if you are gifted, you might question what kind of gifted person you want to become.

A strange question, I know. After all, we are who we are. We might relish the fruits of our powerful mind or creativity or intensity or even our multipotentiality - or we might resent being gifted and view it as a burden. Either way, we are no more responsible for our intellectual strengths than for our eye color. Right?

Well... perhaps we do have some control. Many studies suggest that despite the heritability of intelligence, we all are affected by our environment: the impact of pollution, nutrition, early childhood deprivation, trauma, poverty, and the quality of the education we received. Those lucky folks among us seem to have hit the lottery; a smooth, easy ride through childhood, the absence of trauma, and supportive, yet challenging families and teachers. The rest of us... well, we have struggled. Or our giftedness remained hidden or misunderstood. Or we never fully reached our potential.

As a psychologist, writer, parent, and fellow traveler along this life journey, I have encountered many gifted folks. Some enthusiastically embrace life, learning, and their amazing potential. Others suppress and hide their talents and abilities. Still, others feel bitter and angry over lost opportunities and a world that misunderstands their quirks and intensity. 

The takeaway is that you, as a gifted person, are entitled to take charge of your life and utilize your talents and abilities. Your passionate engagement with what is meaningful is the best possible use of your inherent strengths. Even if you have endured trauma or a lackluster education. Even if you have been bullied or never feel quite like you fit in. Even if you make mistakes and are far from perfect. Regardless of whether you are 15 or 50 - you deserve to embrace your strengths and challenge yourself to expand your reach. 

Poet Mary Oliver's wonderful quote applies here: 

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"

What will you do? What kind of gifted person will you become?

** For more insights about giftedness, please see my new book, The Gifted Parenting Journey. Available through the publisher and on the usual bookseller sites, this book addresses a previously neglected topic in the literature: the needs and emotional life of parents of gifted children - who are often gifted, themselves.**

This blog post is a revision of a similar post from 2021.

Wishing you all a wonderful New Year!

How gifted children view their giftedness

How do children come to terms with their own giftedness?

What happens when giftedness is veiled in mystery, minimized, discounted, or ignored?* What happens when children overhear that they are gifted, but the concept is never explained to them? How do they comprehend the term, interpret expectations from adults around them, or understand that they are differently wired than their neurotypical classmates? How do they grapple with heightened sensitivity, difficulty relating to same-age peers, or despair when their passion for learning is thwarted in classes that lack challenge and engagement? 

While each gifted child is different, most form conclusions about what giftedness means. Just like wrestling with a Rubix cube, curious and determined, they sort through the information they receive and try to figure it out. 

• They may compile information based on what teachers, you as their parent, or neighborhood children say.

• They may overhear hushed comments filled with awe from adults, and feel pressure to succeed. 

• They notice their teacher's frustration when they raise their hands too often or when additional enrichment is required and may assume that their drive for learning is a nuisance.

• They feel betrayed when peers rely on them for homework advice, but reject them on the playground. 

• They may field taunts from other kids. Nerd. Geek. Brainiac. 

• They don't understand why their gifted class or program is viewed with skepticism, envy, or unwarranted praise.

• They absorb impressions from negative portrayals in literature or film - from Sheldons to Sherlocks - where gifted role models are displayed as effeminate, socially clueless, arrogant men or unattractive, lonely women.

• They recognize that they learn faster and with more depth and curiosity than many of their peers, find themselves bored and waiting for other kids to catch up, and become impatient with others around them.

• They learn to distrust authority figures whose ideas seem simplistic and uninspiring. 

Gifted children will form their own conclusions. And this may be a problem.

Astute and sensitive, gifted children try to understand the conflicting information they receive about giftedness. But despite their curious and deep-thinking minds, they struggle to comprehend. Are they better than the other kids? Why are classes easier and yet, more tedious than they seem for others? Why can't they fit in with kids their age, or at least share the same interests? Are they always expected to get good grades or be the best? They didn't do anything to "earn" their gifted status. Is it a burden they must bear, or a vehicle for amazing opportunities?

Despite debates about whether giftedness is good or bad - or appeals to eliminate the construct altogether - gifted children know they are different. Attempts to minimize or deny or pretend their giftedness does not exist only confuse the matter. It denies what they already suspect about themselves, and can fuel apathy and despair once they realize that the adults in charge will never understand them. The unfortunate belief that acknowledging a child's giftedness will hurt them misses the point. These children are gifted, and need your help to understand what it means - not a blanket denial that their perceptions are false. 

It falls on you to help your child understand their giftedness and place it in context.* Without your careful, attuned explanation of giftedness, they will form their own conclusions. You can help them understand their strengths and weaknesses, appreciate that giftedness is only one aspect of who they are, and recognize that they are no more special than any other child. Help them recognize that while they are no more responsible for their giftedness than their eye color, they have control over how they utilize their abilities. They will face options in terms of educational and career paths and must sort through their multiple talents to define a clear direction. They will need to learn how to accommodate their heightened sensitivities and adapt to the schools/jobs/social circumstances they encounter along the way. Most importantly, they need to know that you will love them no matter what, that their giftedness has no impact on how you feel about them, and that you will support them as they face the choices and opportunities ahead.

*Articles related to these topics can be found in the new GHF book, Perspectives on Giftedness.