They spot inauthenticity a mile away
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| Image: Pexels/Cottonbro |
Gifted children come equipped with an attuned awareness of the world around them.
Their attunement comes in different flavors. Some gifted kids use logic and even mathematical reasoning to figure things out. Others are hit with insight like a lightning bolt. Still others feel profound emotions and empathy for those who are suffering. They cringe when confronted with duplicitous behavior or meanness. They question why bullying and nastiness and deception exist at all; it is harsh and mean and doesn’t make any sense.
You can’t fool them.
You can’t cajole them.
You can’t pretend.
Gifted kids spot inauthenticity, falsehoods, injustice, unfairness, and just plain foolishness a mile away.
Their keen intellect and heightened sensitivity color perceptions of the world around them. They have no patience for pettiness, spitefulness, false bravado, or fake friendliness. They have no respect for pretenders and posers. They cannot tolerate teachers who lack clarity or an in-depth understanding of what they are teaching — and get in trouble for eye rolling, reading a book in their laps, or asking pertinent confrontational questions.
Authenticity is Pivotal
As long as authenticity is part of the equation, though, gifted children will be accepting.
They understand that all adults make mistakes, that their friends can have a bad day, and that teachers are imperfect. They forgive their parents for their occasional outbursts. They accept apologies and are typically compassionate toward another’s struggles.
When they encounter inauthenticity, though, they feel adrift. Some experience existential distress (especially common among gifted teens), compounded by deep disappointment when family members, teachers, religious leaders, politicians, or community members seem duplicitous, unkind, or adhere to values and doctrine that make no sense.
Underlying their existential angst is despair.
They feel lost once they lose faith in those people or institutions they once trusted.
How this affects parents and educators
Your gifted child or student may not necessarily agree with your rules; they may complain and groan and debate you like a lawyer. But ultimately, they recognize when your decisions make sense. They may not like limiting their screen use or taking end-of-semester exams, but they understand the rationale for these expectations.
However, if rules seem unreasonable, make no sense to them, or seem developmentally misattuned (like a bedtime that is much earlier than the norm), they will bristle, feel misunderstood, and perhaps, find a workaround. Some even resort to deception.
Children look to parents, teachers, coaches, and religious leaders for a sense of attunement and safety. If they feel misunderstood or treated unfairly by those they love, respect, or rely upon, they will feel despair.
Next steps for educators and parents
Parenting, teaching, or mentoring a gifted child can be tough. They spot every flaw and are quick to point them out! They expect authenticity and empathy and attunement. They won’t hold a grudge when they realize you lied about Santa, but they might if you hide a family secret from them.
For teachers:
Educators must appreciate that gifted kids are high challenge/high reward kinds of students. They can be demanding, disruptive, or disengaged if the curriculum seems tedious and boring. But when provided with a meaningful and engaging assignment, their enthusiasm is reawakened. You’ll see them blossom before your eyes.
Of course, teachers need support from their peers, mentors, and school administrators. Otherwise, accommodating the needs of gifted and twice-exceptional students (who have a co-existing condition, such as ADHD or a learning disability) may seem like yet another burdensome task.
Policy change is essential and often rests upon state, provincial, or local mandates about providing gifted education. If there are minimal guidelines where you teach, I urge you to reach out to state or provincial gifted education associations or the National Association for Gifted Education (NAGC) for guidance.
For parents:
Gifted children — all children — desperately need to trust you, know that you “get them,” and feel your love, regardless of their missteps. They need to know that their giftedness or achievements are never tied to your love for them.
As a parent, finding support and peers who understand is just as critical as any parenting guidelines or philosophy. Understanding your own struggles, setting aside time for yourself, and finding friends who understand (including other parents of gifted kids) will provide much-needed support. As I emphasize in my book, a compassionate understanding of your own needs and finding adequate support is essential when raising any child — but especially a gifted or twice-exceptional child.
A similar version of this article was recently published on Medium.
