tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-67023441963980612452024-03-16T09:40:39.564-04:00Gifted Challenges™"Beyond intellect: Exploring the social and emotional aspects of giftedness." Gail Post, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/01482577821092891593noreply@blogger.comBlogger231125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6702344196398061245.post-71771509915435694282024-03-05T08:43:00.005-05:002024-03-09T10:47:26.327-05:00What giftedness is not: A list to share with those who don't get it<p> </p><p class="MsoNoSpacing">Misconceptions about giftedness abound. </p><p class="MsoNoSpacing">Many folks think
they know what gifted is – those whip smart kids who know all the answers, who
overachieve, whose parents must be “pushing” them, who are nerds and misfits. It
is assumed that parenting – and teaching – gifted kids must be a breeze, and that
they cruise through school, waltz into an ivy league college, move on to a tech
start-up, and are good to go.</p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><br /></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguAb-R8qnUCDNrk0JxKGV2n-EmvygnGwAomON72mem94WgAgECd-sihWlUA_HTF5zyIpvUBKcxTIc2Fn8K7HkSEDmTlsbcEMBwNbl-1Lm6K2-YTp45s8Mqyy72mcIEJKkr2-f6UVo_W4VUBBYWLpf72sTEy5mVPiVWAnCQ2_mr7P2V5FOXPFlv04mLBpA0/s3537/siora-photography-hgFY1mZY-Y0-unsplash.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2324" data-original-width="3537" height="210" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguAb-R8qnUCDNrk0JxKGV2n-EmvygnGwAomON72mem94WgAgECd-sihWlUA_HTF5zyIpvUBKcxTIc2Fn8K7HkSEDmTlsbcEMBwNbl-1Lm6K2-YTp45s8Mqyy72mcIEJKkr2-f6UVo_W4VUBBYWLpf72sTEy5mVPiVWAnCQ2_mr7P2V5FOXPFlv04mLBpA0/s320/siora-photography-hgFY1mZY-Y0-unsplash.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><o:p> </o:p><p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">But these assumptions are rarely true - other than the
whip-smart part. Parents of the gifted – and grown-up gifted adults – know the
reality; giftedness is a mixed bag of amazing intellect, creativity, and
attuned sensitivity combined with uneven development, social struggles, and
emotional reactivity. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing">All of this leaves them feeling different from the
norm... <i>because they are.</i></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing">Here is a short list of ten myths and misconceptions about giftedness: </p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b><br /></b></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>Giftedness is not…</b></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><o:p> 1</o:p>. Neurotypical. These kids process information
differently, with greater speed, pace, and depth of thinking. They also may
possess overexcitabilities, <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2018/07/where-can-i-find-friend-how.html" target="_blank">asynchronous development</a> (where their maturity lags behind their intellect) or twice-exceptionalities (where they struggle with a condition, such as ADHD, <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2019/09/do-gifted-children-struggle-with-anxiety.html" target="_blank">anxiety</a> or a learning disability.
They <i>are</i> different! </p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">2. A one-size-fits-all concept. Gifted children don’t
necessarily progress at the same rate (especially when asynchronous development is evident), and their areas of strengths, interests,
and intensities vary from one child to the next. Their gifts cannot be
pigeon-holed into one simplistic category.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">3. Readily identifiable. Not all gifted kids are easily
noticed. Many do not fit the stereotype of the exceptionally verbal, high
achieving child, and remain under-identified by parents and schools. <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2016/06/intelligence-denied-when-gifted.html" target="_blank">Many are overlooked</a> because they are late bloomers or disengaged from school or have a
twice-exceptional condition that masks their talents. Many are also ignored
because of racial, gender, or sociocultural biases.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">4. Elitist. Despite false assumptions that giftedness is
the purview of the White and wealthy, gifted children can be found among every
racial, cultural and economic group. Unfortunately, <a href="https://www.edweek.org/teaching-learning/3-out-of-4-gifted-black-students-never-get-identified-heres-how-to-find-them/2022/06" target="_blank">gifted children who are minorities,</a> English Language Learners, or those from impoverished backgrounds
are <i>most</i> frequently under-identified and excluded from receiving gifted
services.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">5. A bastion of nerds and misfits. Look around. Some of
the most interesting, creative, and funny people we know are gifted. Just think
about some of our greatest thinkers, leaders, and comedians. Challenging these
stereotypes about the gifted is long overdue.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">6. A choice. Despite some misguided claims on social
media, <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2014/12/being-gifted-is-not-choice.html" target="_blank">you cannot choose</a> to reinvent your child as neurotypical by ignoring their
differences. Giftedness is merely a term that describes their neurodiversity; it
is nothing to boast about - but also nothing to hide.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">7. A disturbance. Widespread myths, misconceptions, and
misdiagnoses abound – amplified by media portrayals of the lonely misfit or
anxious overachiever. While some gifted kids struggle with mental health
problems (<i>just like anyone else</i>), giftedness also engenders <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2021/03/building-resilience-strategies-to.html" target="_blank">resilience</a>
and strength.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">8. A guarantee of success. Talent, potential, and smarts?
Yup. But motivation and a drive to achieve may evade them, depending on their
temperament and especially, their learning environment. Self-doubts, <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2023/06/what-happens-when-gifted-kids-coast.html" target="_blank">boredom</a>,
poor executive functioning skills, or <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2018/11/abandoning-perfectionism.html" target="_blank">perfectionism</a>. for example, can derail
their efforts.</p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">9. Easy to raise. Nope. Raising a child with heightened
<a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2015/09/supporting-your-emotionally-excitable.html" target="_blank">sensitivities</a>, energy, and <a href="intensity" target="_blank">intensity</a>, along with asynchronous development and <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2019/07/when-your-gifted-or-twice-exceptional.html" target="_blank">social struggles</a> is an added challenge. And finding the best academic fit is a challenge for many families, as they must regularly advocate in the schools or find sometimes time-intensive or costly alternatives, such homeschooling or private schools.</p><p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing">10. A bad thing. Definitely not true! Embrace your child’s enormous energy and
passion for learning. Laugh along with their quirks and offbeat sense of humor.
Commiserate with their big emotions, empathy, and compassion for others. Relish
their intensity and depth. They are a bundle of joy for you to embrace.</p><p class="MsoNoSpacing">Enjoy
the ride!</p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><br /></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing">A similar version of this article was published in the GHF Journeys online newsletter.</p><p class="MsoNoSpacing">Image above is attributed to Unsplash/Siora Photography</p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><br /></p><p class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "Open Sans"; font-size: 17.6px;">** </span><b style="background-color: white; font-family: "Open Sans"; font-size: 17.6px;">For more insights about parenting gifted children, please see my book, </b><i style="background-color: white; font-family: "Open Sans"; font-size: 17.6px;"><b>The Gifted Parenting Journey.</b> </i><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "Open Sans"; font-size: 17.6px;">Available through the </span><a href="https://www.giftedunlimitedllc.com/store/p77/The_Gifted_Parenting_Journey%3A_A_Guide_to_Self-Discovery_and_Support_for_Families_of_Gifted_Children_%28pre-order_10%2F5%2F22_release_date%29.html" style="background-color: white; color: #2282b2; font-family: "Open Sans"; font-size: 17.6px; text-decoration-line: none;" target="_blank">publisher</a><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "Open Sans"; font-size: 17.6px;"> and the usual </span><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Gifted-Parenting-Journey-Self-Discovery-Families/dp/1953360157/ref=sr_1_1?crid=N3EBUANXWDP8&keywords=gifted+parenting+journey&qid=1666365293&qu=eyJxc2MiOiIwLjAwIiwicXNhIjoiMC4wMCIsInFzcCI6IjAuMDAifQ%3D%3D&sprefix=%2Caps%2C224&sr=8-1" style="background-color: white; color: #2282b2; font-family: "Open Sans"; font-size: 17.6px; text-decoration-line: none;" target="_blank">bookseller sites</a><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "Open Sans"; font-size: 17.6px;">, this book ad</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "Open Sans"; font-size: 17.6px; line-height: 17.12px;">dresses a previously neglected topic in the literature: the needs and emotional life of parents of gifted children.<b> For more information about this book, snippets from editorial reviews, and upcoming workshops and book events, please see this <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/p/new-book.html" style="color: #2282b2; text-decoration-line: none;" target="_blank">link</a></b>.**</span></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNoSpacing"><o:p> </o:p></p>Gail Post, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/01482577821092891593noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6702344196398061245.post-5683976314831384712024-02-05T09:29:00.012-05:002024-02-05T23:22:54.189-05:00You Can't Fool a Gifted Kid; They Spot Inauthenticity a Mile Away<p>Gifted children come equipped with an attuned awareness of the world around them. </p><p>Sometimes this attunement comes in different flavors. Some gifted kids use logic, and even mathematical equations to figure things out. Others are hit with insight like a lightning bolt. Still others feel profound empathy. They easily spot kindness. They cringe when confronted with duplicitous behavior or meanness. They question why bullying and nastiness and deception exist at all; it is harsh and mean... and doesn't make any sense.</p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqX9CWmUcvf5OILLktrMuyLEGsNaOFxM6oMz7XA55sdhI7CK5qqJoGSe8G_yD41yhyb_AgA_DD8yVOwKCvIPScxloTP0My3seWkckZRKmOD169c3gGUDX9-zOMi4MPdkDUgkqwJmNGZRMlWb6fHfkl6yxVHzUdck3b8Cs7GO_atZYHAqIH8eeZDqkU1lqH/s410/Fotolia_54327361_XS.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="293" data-original-width="410" height="229" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqX9CWmUcvf5OILLktrMuyLEGsNaOFxM6oMz7XA55sdhI7CK5qqJoGSe8G_yD41yhyb_AgA_DD8yVOwKCvIPScxloTP0My3seWkckZRKmOD169c3gGUDX9-zOMi4MPdkDUgkqwJmNGZRMlWb6fHfkl6yxVHzUdck3b8Cs7GO_atZYHAqIH8eeZDqkU1lqH/s320/Fotolia_54327361_XS.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><p></p><p><br /></p><p>You can't fool them. You can't cajole them. You can't pretend. Gifted kids spot inauthenticity, falsehoods, <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2023/10/when-adults-in-charge-disappoint.html" target="_blank">injustice, unfairness, and just plain foolishness</a> a mile away. They have no patience for pettiness, spitefulness, false bravado, or fake friendliness. They have no respect for pretenders and posers. They cannot tolerate teachers who seem to lack depth or clarity about what they are teaching - and get in trouble for eye rolling, reading a book in their laps, or asking pertinent and confrontational questions. </p><p><br /></p><p>But as long as authenticity is part of the equation, they will be accepting and forgiving. </p><p><br /></p><p>They understand that all adults make mistakes, that their friends can have a bad day, and that <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2018/08/three-essential-tips-for-teachers-of.html" target="_blank">teachers are imperfect</a>. They accept apologies and are typically compassionate toward another's struggles. Some of their existential distress - especially common among gifted teens - stems from a deep disappointment that their family members, educators, religious leaders, politicians, or community members seem duplicitous, unkind, or willing to follow set values and doctrine they feel make no sense. Underlying their existential angst is despair. They feel adrift once they have lost faith in those people and institutions they once trusted. </p><p><br /></p><p>Your gifted child may not necessarily agree with your rules; they may complain and groan and relentlessly challenge you. But ultimately, they recognize when your decisions make sense. They may not like putting down their toys for bedtime or limiting snacks before dinner or taking out the trash, but they realize that these "rules" makes sense, despite their unpleasantness. They recognize that you are attuned to their needs, even if they grumble and complain. However, if their bedtime, for example, is much earlier than the norm among their friends or if it makes no sense to them, they will bristle, feel despair (that their developmental or seemingly age-appropriate needs are misunderstood), and perhaps, start <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2020/06/lying-in-gifted-adolescents.html" target="_blank">to lie</a> and find a workaround.</p><p><br /></p><p>Of couse, they may not always act like they have a clue. Many are sociallly awkward, impatient with their peers, quick to challenge authority, or hide their attuned self in order <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2019/07/when-your-gifted-or-twice-exceptional.html" target="_blank">to fit in</a>. They may be rigid and judgmental and self-righteous, regardless of how much their actions might hurt those around them. Some of these behaviors stem from <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2018/07/where-can-i-find-friend-how.html" target="_blank">asynchronous development</a>, where maturity lags behind their cognitive abilities or even their given age. Other times, their sense of justice and and fairness rises up within them and they blurt out their frustration with little regard for its impact on others. With time and maturity, most learn how to temper their frustration and more tactfully express their complaints.</p><p><br /></p><p>Parenting, <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2018/08/three-essential-tips-for-teachers-of.html" target="_blank">teaching</a>, or mentoring a gifted child can be tough. They spot every flaw and are quick to point them out! They expect authenticity and empathy and <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2023/09/why-is-attunement-so-essential-when.html" target="_blank">attunement</a>. They won't hold a grudge when they realize you lied about Santa, but they might if they find liquor bottles hidden under the sink (and depair that you or your spouse/partner are unwilling to treat a drinking problem). They desperately need to trust you, rely on you, and feel that you love them deeply, regardless of their missteps, and that their giftedness or achievements are <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2017/06/how-to-explain-giftedness-to-your-child.html" target="_blank">never tied to your love for them</a>.</p><p><br /></p><p>It's hard to be authentic and empathetic when life gets in the way. As a parent, finding support and peers who understand is just a critical as any parenting guidelines or philosophy. Understanding your own struggles, setting aside time for yourself, and finding friends who get you (including other <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2016/04/power-in-numbers-how-gifted-advocacy.html" target="_blank">parents of gifted kids</a>) will support you while raising your complex and intense child. As I emphasize in my book, <i><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Gifted-Parenting-Journey-Self-Discovery-Families/dp/1953360157/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1DAMOO2U2E1GL&keywords=the+gifted+parenting+journey&qid=1707140751&sprefix=the+gifted+pare%2Caps%2C82&sr=8-1" target="_blank">The Gifted Parenting Journey</a></i>, a compassionate understanding of your own needs and finding adequate support is essential when raising any child - but especially a gifted or twice-exceptional child. </p>Gail Post, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/01482577821092891593noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6702344196398061245.post-22693318925822896712024-01-15T08:42:00.000-05:002024-02-07T22:56:22.420-05:00Gifted impatience: Is it a thing?<p><br /></p><p>One of the most baffling traits shared by some gifted folks is their impatience. They grapple with a world that makes no sense and endure constant reminders that their intentions are misunderstood. They fume about others' foibles, despair over job snafus, and sometimes abandon friendships when values differ.</p><p><br /></p><p>Yet, the gifted <i>also</i> typically possess heightened sensitivity and empathy. So how does that translate into a low tolerance for others' (or their own) mistakes?</p><p><br /></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2AjBmI5KChQ-S_bnOZBOOBG2PjDPRJy33bWWeGC4GBALLGG1JYLe5prTc9W-HS_yOdtXkbt64xmlHyI-svCLDpd6A65EBvsXJKOeRUFMoT-YRTLGers2zxQApTFoETvV3N4tuhQhv2gThDCXgi0tprAwhSryjHHEvhz9za8BiTYaYLJBXUhKHkgeVApY5/s6565/shutterstock_1817934503.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4377" data-original-width="6565" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2AjBmI5KChQ-S_bnOZBOOBG2PjDPRJy33bWWeGC4GBALLGG1JYLe5prTc9W-HS_yOdtXkbt64xmlHyI-svCLDpd6A65EBvsXJKOeRUFMoT-YRTLGers2zxQApTFoETvV3N4tuhQhv2gThDCXgi0tprAwhSryjHHEvhz9za8BiTYaYLJBXUhKHkgeVApY5/s320/shutterstock_1817934503.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><p><br /></p><div><br /></div><div>A gifted individual's sensitivity and empathy, their astute awareness, and their complex minds all blend with their high expectations when forming perceptions of people or events. This fuels impatience when others (or when they, themselves) fail to live up to these expectations. </div><div><i><b><br /></b></i></div><div><br /></div><h3 style="text-align: left;"><b>Impatience starts in childhood and continues well into adulthood</b></h3><div><br /></div>Impatience with others starts early. You see it in young gifted children. They become enraged when their friends don't understand the boardgame rules or can't appreciate their passion for cataloging geological eras. They become bossy or demanding or run home crying in despair when <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2018/07/where-can-i-find-friend-how.html" target="_blank">their friends don't get them</a>. Later, they learn to suppress outward signs of frustration, but are furious inside. Worse yet, they quickly realize how much they differ from others, assume they'll never find their niche, and <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2016/08/is-you-gifted-teen-socially-isolated.html" target="_blank">may start to withdraw.</a> <div><br /></div><div><p>Adolescence compounds the problem. An awareness of their differentness amplifies the usual teen angst related to peer pressure and dissillusionment with authority. Gifted teens often feel betrayed by cultural, religious, and family values that no longer make sense, and may experience an existential crisis. They see their peers making impractical choices they would never consider, such as risky sexual behaviors or excessive drug and alcohol use, and don't understand why some kids seem to hate learning. They feel like old souls in a child's body, and realize how <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2019/04/where-do-i-belong-gifted-persons-lament.html" target="_blank">they just don't fit in</a> with mainstream society. </p><p><br /></p><p>Some gifted teens place undue demands on themselves. They are impatient and unforgiving when they make a mistake, striving to achieve unattainable expectations. Other gifted teens may be perceived as opinionated and arrogant, or at the very least, unapproachable. Their cynicism and snarky rebuttals create barriers that interfere with relationships. They become frustrated with their peers' slower pace or seemingly simplistic grasp of the facts, and may lose respect for teachers or other authority figures whom they deem lacking in complexity. </p><p><br /></p><p>As adults, gifted folks may feel alienated from family members and even old friends whom they no longer respect. They endure frustration at work when colleagues seem disengaged or lack a strong work ethic or (once again) cannot grasp information as quickly. Rote tasks, arbitrary rules, and small talk can become unbearable. Tolerating company directives they view as pointless leaves them demoralized. Many gifted folks feel their ideas are "correct;" yet, that is small comfort when they feel so misunderstood and alone.</p><p><br /></p><h2 style="text-align: left;"><b>What can an impatient gifted person do in a world that makes no sense?</b></h2><div><b><br /></b></div><p><b>1. First, recognize your grief.</b> Your gift for seeing the world clearly and with depth and complexity creates a dilemma that sometimes leaves you on the outside looking in. Most classmates, neighbors, or coworkers are not going to understand or agree. You may need to grieve this reality and reach out to those few trusted friends or family, or even a therapist, who can understand and validate your perspective. They don't need to agree with every point; they just need to acknowledge the sadness and despair underneath your frustration. Let them in. Let them support and comfort you.</p><p><br /></p><p><b>2. Secondly, consider that you may not always be "right."</b> We are always growing and learning. What seems like an absolute may change over time. Consider that what seems like truth may be infused with your unique perspective formed through personal experiences, cultural values, family influences, or the limitations of your education. There is so much you <i>don't know</i>. </p><p><br /></p><p><b>3. Enlist your powerful empathy. </b>You may have boundless compassion for those less fortunate, yet bristle when your coworker cannot complete assignments on time. Enlist your astute radar for what others are feeling and remind yourself that many people you encounter are trying their best and may not have the same privilege as you. </p><p><br /></p><p><b>4. Okay, but empathy and compassion have their limits. </b>In fact, you might not want to remain in untenable situations for too long. This could mean leaving your job, changing careers, or disengaging from some friendships. Finding more meaningful, stimulating, and engaging connections may seem impossible at first, given the limited number of gifted folks out there. And of course, not every gifted person you meet is going to agree with you! But searching for meaning and intellectual challenge is vital to your own well-being; <i>don't ignore this mandate.</i></p><p><i>.</i></p><p><b>5. Commit to self-regulation and to cultivating a self-care practice</b> so you can more easily manage the frustrations that inevitably arise. This might include some of the basics, such as sound nutrition, regular exercise, and a consistent sleep schedule. It can also include a calming practice (such as meditation, yoga, or even prayer), creative outlets, meaningful volunteer work, and joyful time with loved ones. You may feel things intensely; that doesn't mean <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2022/05/whats-so-bad-about-intensity.html" target="_blank">intensity</a> must be debilitating. Find the self-care strategies that work best and commit to using them. </p><p><br /></p><p><b>6. Find connection and support. </b>Yes, you can enlist logic and critical thinking and rely on yourself to figure things out. But battling frustrations on your own keeps you isolated. Join activities where like-minded peers converge. Find a support group for gifted folks. Express your frustrations through creative outlets, exercise, or venting to friends. Reach out to loved ones. Consider <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2015/10/gifted-children-and-adults-when-is.html" target="_blank">therapy</a> if your feelings of despair or frustration become overwhelming. </p><p><br /></p><p>Your impatience is a warning sign that something is amiss. You have choices in how you digest and interpret information and in how you approach each person or situation. Developing resilience and coping strategies for frustrating encounters and disappointments are essential. The serenity prayer used in almost all 12-step programs is a great reminder to recognize what you can and cannot change and to develop the wisdom to know the difference. Enlist your immense capacity for logic and critical thinking when evaluating what you can do going forward, but don't let expectations or a desire for <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2018/11/abandoning-perfectionism.html" target="_blank">perfection</a> (in yourself or others) limit you. And reach out to others for support; you don't have be endure your emotions in isolation.</p><p> </p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 21pt;"><span style="background: white; color: #21272c;"><i>“Simplicity, patience, compassion; these three are your
greatest treasures.”</i><span style="font-size: 14.5pt;"> - </span>Lao Tzu, ancient Chinese philosopher<span style="font-size: 14.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p> </p></div>Gail Post, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/01482577821092891593noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6702344196398061245.post-78509738634863147222023-12-14T22:59:00.002-05:002023-12-15T11:57:22.409-05:00Gifted Challenges' Pick for 2023: Best Articles about Gifted Education, Twice-exceptionality, and Parenting<p><br />This has been quite a year. Political turmoil, wars, climate change effects. Despite these stressors, you are navigating life with your child and trying to ensure their health, academic success, and emotional well-being. As always, there were many great articles this year related to the above concerns; selecting a top-ten list is always a challenge. But I hope you find the articles below stimulating and thought-provoking.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgw3my0yXGGkY0TLWMxhxVkQOPpEMc1WH5CXqan5tD219REjus7uXOxL0GIWmyIahpnI8ceQTZCaIODwPNxE8nkGiAcScpkMdDaU9eE4ZJ5uXMzweovuWB-cFP2RY0NXvYxxn_-xxmvz3E9s5E7xeLDaMj1yqW_YnelTSBV6CeEwvAhY6_tooiQGyqjGUhG/s2823/shutterstock_2380195329.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2608" data-original-width="2823" height="296" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgw3my0yXGGkY0TLWMxhxVkQOPpEMc1WH5CXqan5tD219REjus7uXOxL0GIWmyIahpnI8ceQTZCaIODwPNxE8nkGiAcScpkMdDaU9eE4ZJ5uXMzweovuWB-cFP2RY0NXvYxxn_-xxmvz3E9s5E7xeLDaMj1yqW_YnelTSBV6CeEwvAhY6_tooiQGyqjGUhG/w320-h296/shutterstock_2380195329.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><p></p><p><br /></p><p>On a personal note, this December marks 40 years since receiving my Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology. It is hard to believe that I have been working in the field this long - and even more, that I still find it gratifying, meaningful, and filled with learning. I feel so grateful that I stumbled upon this career at an early age and continue to learn and grow as a psychotherapist. And I am grateful to the thousands of clients who have trusted me over the years, many of whom "risked" working with me as a young and inexperienced clinician during my training and early career years. </p><p><br /></p><p>I am equally grateful for my writing opportunities over the past 11 years that allow me to advocate for the needs of the gifted. In addition to this blog, numerous articles, and my recent <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Gifted-Parenting-Journey-Self-Discovery-Families/dp/1953360157/ref=sr_1_1?crid=11SCUVRDVVFSD&keywords=the+gifted+parenting+journey&qid=1702440380&sprefix=the+gifted+paren%2Caps%2C80&sr=8-1" target="_blank">book about gifted parenting</a>, I write about mental health and wellbeing on the <a href="https://medium.com/@gailpostphd" target="_blank">Medium platform Wise & Well</a>. Many of you also receive my monthly <a href="https://landing.mailerlite.com/webforms/landing/v0q6f8?fbclid=IwAR2ImTBa7E5RQ_3KYLGfEfsDneyQmw4nvEbmxODeOSHxWrhbc5S8hMmiy0M" target="_blank">newsletter</a> where I share the latest articles of interest. (If you have not signed up yet, <a href="https://landing.mailerlite.com/webforms/landing/v0q6f8?fbclid=IwAR2ImTBa7E5RQ_3KYLGfEfsDneyQmw4nvEbmxODeOSHxWrhbc5S8hMmiy0M" target="_blank">please join me here</a>.) And I plan to continue to share meaningful articles I find throughout the year on social media, especially on my <a href="https://www.facebook.com/GiftedChallenges/" target="_blank">Facebook Gifted Challenges</a> page. </p><p><br /></p><p>Thank you to all of you who follow me on social media, read my articles, and share your comments and concerns. As always, please let me know if you have questions or suggestions by contacting me at gailpostphd@gmail.com.</p><p><br /></p><h2 style="text-align: left;">My Top 10 list for 2023</h2><p><br /></p><p><a href="https://edadvance.substack.com/p/how-to-support-2e-students?fbclid=IwAR2cepN9TlAdTeuURXlu9M5jWDj0epDQMHk6kj8ZsCe5hAp5ztTZqfzAjBY" target="_blank"><b>How to Ensure Twice-Exceptional Students Don't Slip Through the Cracks</b></a></p><p>Essential advice for identifying and supporting your twice-exceptional child at school.</p><p><br /></p><p><a href="https://fordhaminstitute.org/national/research/building-wider-more-diverse-pipeline-advanced-learners?fbclid=IwAR08Sde5r8IQva6UUyGfPkrcbNGxzNhQXQzX9marvVvhteYk6sAwMBUALIo" target="_blank"><b>Building a Wider, More Diverse Pipeline of Advanced Learners</b></a></p><p>See the National Working Group on Advanced Education report.</p><p><br /></p><p><a href="https://cornerstone-mentalhealth.com/9-tips-to-avoid-falling-for-mental-health-misinformation/?fbclid=IwAR3sFq-sJDBQ82bFxij39C1OypEt31FR4YlUcxIA8PV6UkGCNUYJiET3Rp0" target="_blank"><b>Nine Tips to Avoid Falling for Mental Health Misinformation</b></a></p><p>There are an astonishing number of myths and misinformation about psychotherapy and mental health circulating online. This is a MUST READ that highlights what you need to know to protect yourself and your children.</p><p><br /></p><p><a href="https://fordhaminstitute.org/national/commentary/algebra-none-effects-san-franciscos-de-tracking-reform?fbclid=IwAR1ZN_Yf6vKs_TZGv5ntEN_mUoe8HqF7TnvzgOhsHweZtySYcRlFls98whU" target="_blank"><b>Algebra for None: The Effects of San Francisco's Detracking Reform</b></a></p><p>In a misguided attempt to provide equity, this school district is hurting all learners, and harms those most in need. And it has been used as a model for other districts across the country. </p><p><br /></p><p><a href="https://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2023/06/social-media-teen-mental-health-crisis-research-limitations/674371/?utm_source=newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=one-story-to-read-today&utm_content=20230613&utm_term=One+Story+to+Read+Today&fbclid=IwAR3B-6y7D39vPLEdFheyu7CoVfxI5oNbB8Y-VuH802mwOh6Uu_X6PtWag9Q" target="_blank"><b>Noone Knows Exactly What Social Media is Doing to Teens</b></a></p><p>What role does social media really play when considering your child's mental health? See this interesting overview.</p><p><br /></p><p><a href="https://medium.com/the-conversation/7-tips-for-lgbtq-parents-to-help-schools-fight-stigma-and-ignorance-5db4a367ff76" target="_blank"><b>Seven Tips for LGBTQ Parents to Help Schools Fight Stigma and Ignorance</b></a></p><p>Helpful information for LGBTQ parents to address problems that can affect their children.</p><p><br /></p><p><a href="https://hechingerreport.org/disabilities-in-math-affect-many-students-but-get-little-attention/?fbclid=IwAR08Sde5r8IQva6UUyGfPkrcbNGxzNhQXQzX9marvVvhteYk6sAwMBUALIo" target="_blank"><b>Disabilities in Math Affect Many Students - But Get Little Attention</b></a></p><p>See more about how math disabilities can be identified and addressed in school.</p><p><br /></p><p><b><a href="https://theconversation.com/positive-parenting-can-help-protect-against-the-effects-of-stress-in-childhood-and-adolescence-new-study-shows-208268#:~:text=Results%20showed%20that%20positive%20parenting,behavior%20such%20as%20rule%2Dbreaking" target="_blank">Positive Parenting Can Help Protect Against the Stress in Childhood and Adolescence</a></b></p><p>How a positive parenting approach is an essential tool for parents that can build resilience.</p><p><br /></p><p><a href="https://fordhaminstitute.org/national/commentary/americas-highest-achieving-students-are-disproportionately-asian-lets-not-be" target="_blank"><b>America's Highest-achieving Students are Disproportionately Asian. Let's Not Be Afraid to Investigate Why.</b></a></p><p>Understanding this discrepancy in achievement can provide information about what might work for all students. </p><p><br /></p><p><a href="https://fordhaminstitute.org/ohio/commentary/fifty-state-analysis-non-district-students-access-district-provided-services?fbclid=IwAR0TLKfrz85P-6yNWn2faBR15gXmd7LVBr1J_RA_v-w0iPkScVsnHa6XGzA" target="_blank"><b>A Fifty-State Analysis of Non-district Students' Access to District-provided Services</b></a></p><p>If your child is homeschooled or attending a private school, see what additional services might be available within your district.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p>**Wishing all of you a happy and healthy New Year, filled with joy and wonder.**</p><p><i><span style="font-family: Caveat; font-size: medium;">-</span><span style="font-family: Caveat; font-size: large;"> Gail</span></i></p>Gail Post, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/01482577821092891593noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6702344196398061245.post-29784279975300087372023-10-22T14:36:00.003-04:002023-10-24T18:33:30.964-04:00When the adults in charge disappoint: Helping your gifted child endure<p><br />How are children affected when the adults in charge behave badly? What happens when children are mistreated or even bullied, or when they witness adults making bad decisions? What impact does this have, in particular, on our gifted children, whose reactions are amplified by their heightened sensitivity, <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2015/09/supporting-your-emotionally-excitable.html" target="_blank">emotional reactivity,</a> and radar for what is fair and just? </p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHIC8BZc-M49_Eqm5hK6uoA6B7xfAETmtRU_lq9GWJf1bpC6sS0FfjgdWkjgSouzHe69V9-1PXJrTbas-Msx_NTaz19DIwH4Zt_t4PhydEgsBds_MPJL4Omj20tqrRb7arBvm005OfDRAH_TfVTjsIQOnN207gjmQoKYfLvnY3jY7rAN5COVORQ8mQP90q/s5197/pexels-monstera-production-7114724.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3465" data-original-width="5197" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHIC8BZc-M49_Eqm5hK6uoA6B7xfAETmtRU_lq9GWJf1bpC6sS0FfjgdWkjgSouzHe69V9-1PXJrTbas-Msx_NTaz19DIwH4Zt_t4PhydEgsBds_MPJL4Omj20tqrRb7arBvm005OfDRAH_TfVTjsIQOnN207gjmQoKYfLvnY3jY7rAN5COVORQ8mQP90q/s320/pexels-monstera-production-7114724.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><p></p><h3 style="text-align: left;"><b>Lasting impressions</b></h3><div><b><br /></b></div><p>Most children trust those in charge of their welfare - until something shakes their assumptions. Many adults assume that children will forget or will not be affected if they are treated unfairly. On the contrary, many of their wounds persist and create lasting effects into adulthood. </p><p><br /></p><p>Children form lasting impressions when subject to situations where adults are hostile, <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2018/12/how-not-to-shame-gifted-child.html" target="_blank">shaming</a>, highly critical, dismissive, bullying, or complacent in the face of verbal or physical violence. Sometimes children can move on, ignore the adult's bad behavior, and retain their capacity for trust. For others, though, these incidents are engraved in their memories, instill profound distrust in others, and mar their self-esteem. They remember their sense of helplessness and distress when those they trusted did not behave appropriately or intervene. </p><p> </p><p></p><p></p><blockquote>John*, a highly successful entrepreneur, still harbored feelings of insecurity that success could not alleviate. His educational trajectory included numerous experiences where teachers and professors did not "get" him. They underestimated his abilities, discounted his interests, and worse, never intervened when he was bullied by other students. John used those troubling experiences as an incentive to propel himself forward. However, he had difficulty trusting authority, as well as business partners and customers, and worried that they would discover his weaknesses. He joked about some of the childhood incidents and how they led to "impostor syndrome," but was still clearly bitter and wounded. </blockquote><p> </p><h3 style="text-align: left;"><b>Vicarious reactions</b></h3><div><b><br /></b></div><p></p><p>Even if children are not the victims themselves, they learn to distrust or disrespect authority when they witness another child's maltreatment. Clearly, examples of child abuse, injustice, and trauma are everpresent <a href="https://medium.com/wise-well/yes-vicarious-trauma-is-a-thing-eea7959280b5" target="_blank">on the news</a> and children are exposed to this harsh reality. Gifted children, in particular, ponder the injustice of maltreatment and may become <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2019/09/do-gifted-children-struggle-with-anxiety.html" target="_blank">anxious</a> or lapse into existential distress. It can be particularly challenging when injustice occurs in their daily lives and they are faced with the difficult choice of whether to stand up to the adults in charge.</p><p><br /></p><p></p><blockquote><span>Emily* recalled a situation from high school where a teacher started harassing one of her classmates - someone who was often disorganized and turned in schoolwork late. One day, the teacher not only commented on this boy's missing homework, but started to berate him and called him lazy, sloppy, and fat. It seemed so wrong to her that his weight was targeted and mocked. However, she did not complain or even tell her parents. She was afraid of potential backlash and worried that if this teacher knew she told anyone about him, he might humiliate her about her acne. So she remained silent - and felt guilty about her silence.</span> </blockquote><blockquote> </blockquote><p>Of course, bad behavior is not limited to poor decisions or shaming verbal comments. Gifted children become disillusioned when political leaders make bad decisions and contribute worldwide to injustice, maltreatment, wars, and climate destruction. On a level closer to home, though, children can be targeted because of their race, culture, religion, sexual orientation, body size, presumed inadequacies... and sometimes because of their gifted abilities. Physical, sexual, and emotional abuse <i>still</i> persist, and tragically, some children experience abuse from family members, educators, medical practitioners, the clergy, babysitters, and sports coaches, among others. <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2019/07/never-spank-your-child-and-heres-why.html" target="_blank">Spanking</a> is still considered an acceptable form of discipline by many families and <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/education/2023/08/10/school-paddling-corporal-punishment/" target="_blank">corporal punishment</a> is still legal in public schools in 14 US states, and in private schools in 48 US states. </p><p><br /></p><blockquote><p>Pete* described an incident at the private parochial high school he attended. He was laughing with some friends during class instead of paying attention. The school "disciplinarian" was walking by and overheard him. He pulled Pete out of class, had him stand and face the wall, and hit him repeatedly on the back of his thighs with a golf club. Pete was in physical pain, but has even more vivid memories of his anger and disgust toward this teacher. After this incident, he gave up on his religion, and thirty years later, still has not returned to it.</p></blockquote><p></p><p><br /></p><h2 style="text-align: left;">How can you protect your child?</h2><div><br /></div><div>We cannot protect our children from all of the news or from everyone they may encounter. They will likely learn soon enough that some adults behave badly. </div><div><br /></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div><b>But we can use a few strategies to ease the pain, and perhaps, prevent long-term negative effects.</b></div><div><b><br /></b></div><p><b>1. Trust your instincts.</b> If you sense that something is amiss, that an adult involved in your child's care or education has difficulty controlling their anger or is shaming or dismissive, investigate further. Just because your neighbor raves about a particular teacher or day care center or camp, for example, does not mean it is the best fit for your child. Be prepared to intervene or change course.</p><p><br /></p><p><b>2. Trust your child. </b>Yes, <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2020/06/lying-in-gifted-adolescents.html" target="_blank">children lie</a>, but often this occurs when they are avoiding punishment (like stealing that last slice of cake) or an unpleasant task (when procrastinating about homework). Most children do not lie about harassment from adults. Show your child that you believe them and investigate further. If you don't take them seriously, they may not confide in you the next time something occurs.</p><p><br /></p><p><b>3. Pay attention to your child's unique temperament and needs.</b> Some children can "shake off" teasing or bullying. Others cannot. Just because you want your child to toughen up doesn't mean they can do this automatically. You can help them build <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2021/03/building-resilience-strategies-to.html" target="_blank">resilience</a>, but this takes time. You may need to balance your expectations or desire for their resiliency with your child's sensitivity, developmental level, emotional reactivity, and any history of past traumatic events.</p><p><br /></p><p><b>4. Check your own fears</b>. When our children are hurt, we feel hurt as well. Witnessing our child's distress can evoke memories from our own childhood struggles. As I have emphasized in my <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Gifted-Parenting-Journey-Self-Discovery-Families/dp/1953360157/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2A09RIQ8JTUEQ&keywords=the+gifted+parenting+journey&qid=1698076421&sprefix=the+gifted+%2Caps%2C76&sr=8-1" target="_blank">book</a> about parenting gifted children, to ensure that our fears do not influence our decisions, we must make sure that we have addressed our own painful childhood memories (whether through <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2015/10/gifted-children-and-adults-when-is.html" target="_blank">psychotherapy</a>, spiritual guidance, or even heartfelt conversations with trusted friends).</p><p><br /></p><p><b>5. Stay alert and attuned.</b> Our gifted children, in particular, need our support and <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2023/09/why-is-attunement-so-essential-when.html" target="_blank">attuned involvement</a>. This does not mean hovering or shielding them from situations that provide necessary healthy challenges. Every child will experience teachers they don't like, criticism about their performance, or other upsetting events. These incidents can foster resilience, as children see that they can adapt and recover. However, we still need to be attuned to when something more serious is occurring. Violent, abusive, shaming, or neglectful behavior from adults is damaging, and can instill cynicism, distrust, and hopelessness that may last a lifetime. As mentioned before, you may need to move them away from the offending adult, school, or other activity if the situation is harmful.</p><p><br /></p><p><b>6. Provide support.</b> Many children shrug off our efforts to guide them. However, they notice and appreciate our caring and empathy, even when they don't admit it. Offer to listen, check in on them when they seem upset, and offer your advice when they are open to it. If you have concerns that your child has been abused, you must take action to protect them, find medical or mental health support, or take legal action if necessary. </p><p><br /></p><p>We can remind our children that we are there to both protect them and help them develop self-confidence and the strength to face challenges. When we cannot shield them from troubling situations (since, of course, we are not always nearby), we can help them vent their emotions, work through their anger, fear, and sadness, and gain perspective about what occurred. Their trust in us as parents and their willingness to share creates a sense of safety as they venture out into a sometimes hostile world. It also helps them see that building trust in future relationships will provide support when they encounter struggles later as adults. </p><p>* Names were changed to protect confidentiality.</p>Gail Post, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/01482577821092891593noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6702344196398061245.post-78738879377614950642023-09-10T12:10:00.008-04:002023-09-10T13:46:14.318-04:00Why is attunement so essential when parenting a gifted or twice-exceptional child?<p>We all make mistakes.</p><p></p><p>Most of the time, our parenting mistakes are unintentional. We love our kids and strive to do our best. But sometimes, we misinterpret and misunderstand their needs. We might rely on advice from friends, neighbors, and social media, or enlist child-raising strategies learned from our families, despite evidence that this doesn't work for our gifted or twice-exceptional child.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnCQgavrXYsSdM7I8IlANRcnVrZQc_NINGSkFtTe-uscyu5-5y4Sn9Vn-OHbqGc9aWID14gGBXyxPVLKeysxCQ_8mnaWTJIaLMGNmyA99NWn6GDkFInKhoOeQy5trej6KF8d0WMqhU8BITK_rrlwISihC5QPWPD9Lt1fr0LIVOSvPbe-eGEx6VicZ5Bx68/s5472/shutterstock_1631748508.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3648" data-original-width="5472" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnCQgavrXYsSdM7I8IlANRcnVrZQc_NINGSkFtTe-uscyu5-5y4Sn9Vn-OHbqGc9aWID14gGBXyxPVLKeysxCQ_8mnaWTJIaLMGNmyA99NWn6GDkFInKhoOeQy5trej6KF8d0WMqhU8BITK_rrlwISihC5QPWPD9Lt1fr0LIVOSvPbe-eGEx6VicZ5Bx68/s320/shutterstock_1631748508.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><p></p><p></p><p></p>Even the most well-intentioned parenting practices fall flat when we are not attuned to our child.<p></p><p></p><p><span style="background-color: white;">The parent-child bond rests on a secure attachment. Children need to feel they are understood, as well as loved, and that you are attuned to their needs. Parental attunement requires an understanding of our child's unique temperament, developmental level, sensitivities, and response to complex situations. It involves empathy for what our child is feeling - even when their reactions, behaviors, or emotional outbursts seem excessive. It also asks that we reflect upon our personal beliefs, attitudes, worries, and expectations so that <i>our</i> needs (conscious or unconscious) do not contribute to misattunement. Not an easy task. Here is one example:</span></p><p></p><blockquote><span style="background-color: white;">Kayla's daughter Anna </span><span style="background-color: white;">(whose names are changed to protect confidentiality)</span><span style="background-color: white;"> landed the lead role in the school play. But you would never know that from her mood. She tearfully bemoaned her close friend Nicole's anger toward her. Nicole auditioned as well, but was awarded a minor part. Nicole had stormed off and wouldn't speak with Anna, who now worried that the friendship was over.</span></blockquote><p></p><p></p><blockquote><span style="background-color: white;">Kayla found herself feeling frustrated. Her emotions translated into the following thoughts. <i>Why is everything so darn complicated? </i></span><i><span style="background-color: white;">Why does she have to be so sensitive? </span><span style="background-color: white;">She should be excited. I would have been ecstatic if I landed that role when I was her age. Why can't she</span><span style="background-color: white;"> just feel happy for a change?</span></i><span style="background-color: white;"><i> She deserved that lead role and boy am I disgusted that her friend had to ruin it for her. Maybe it's time that she stop being friends with that girl.</i></span></blockquote><p></p><p></p><blockquote><span style="background-color: white;">Kayla's emotions and thoughts were understandable. However, she took a deep breath and considered instead what was going on right in front of her and how to best respond to her child.</span> </blockquote><blockquote><span style="background-color: white;"><i>"Honey, I know this must be so hard for you - it is so exciting that you got the lead role, but at the same time, upsetting that Nicole reacted like she did. I know your friendship with her is really important. Let's give her some time to lick her wounds. She will probably come around and be your friend again. I hope that with some time, you can also feel excited and proud about this great opportunity with the play."</i></span></blockquote><p>Self-awareness is key. <span style="background-color: white;">Attunement requires an overriding understanding of what your child needs at any given moment. Like Kayla, sometimes that means swallowing your own anger or disappointment and helping your child navigate difficult emotions.</span><span style="background-color: white;"> Kayla</span><span style="background-color: white;"> acknowledged Anna's distress and mixed feelings - and did not disparage her daughter's friend. She conveyed that it is okay to have conflicting emotions, and trusted that over time, Anna would have the strength to move beyond this impasse with her friend.</span></p><p><span style="background-color: white;"><i><b>(**For information about an upcoming workshop geared toward attaining greater self-awareness as a parent, please see below or click on this <a href="https://www.thegiftedparentingjourney.com/" target="_blank">link</a>.**)</b></i></span></p><h3 style="background: white; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><b><br /></b></span></h3><h3 style="background: white; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><b>What is parental attunement?</b></span></h3><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">Decades ago, psychoanalyst <a href="https://mindsplain.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Winnicott_-Playing-and-Reality.pdf" target="_blank">Donald Winnicott</a> described the importance of the parent's healthy “mirroring” of their infant's reactions, where their response accurately reflected back what the child was experiencing. Infants
feel safe when they gaze at their parent and see their own emotional state
reflected back to them (think cooing when they smile, or a frowny face when they are upset). Most infants can overlook the parent’s
occasional distracted mood if they feel understood and "mirrored" most of the time. However,
disruptions can arise when a parent is chronically distracted, depressed,
anxious, or angry, and unable to respond in an attuned manner. </p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><o:p></o:p></span><span>Attunement does not mean you must always agree with your child, offer them a constant stream of candy and toys, or rescue them from challenging situations. Children recognize that you are not going to cave in or necessarily agree with them, and reluctantly admit that certain expectations and demands are developmentally appropriate. As children mature, they more easily weather occasional misattunement. They recognize that you get distracted and stressed – and sometimes even realize that you have a life of your own separate from theirs! </span><span>However, the sense that you still <i>“get them”</i> and understand their feelings is essential. Gifted children, in particular, are often highly <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2015/09/supporting-your-emotionally-excitable.html" target="_blank">sensitive</a>, appreciate the complexity inherent in most situations, and hold high standards about fairness and justice. They crave your understanding and will be distraught if their emotions are <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2018/12/how-not-to-shame-gifted-child.html" target="_blank">shamed</a>, criticized, or disparaged. </span></p><p> </p><h3 style="text-align: left;"><b>What about "parenting style?" </b></h3><p></p><p>Studies of parenting styles (a concept initially proposed by <a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1967-05780-001" target="_blank">Diana Baumrind</a>) support using an authoritative parenting style, especially with<span> gifted children. In contrast to an </span>authoritarian style (e.g., my way or the highway) or permissive parenting (e.g., anything goes), an authoritative style combines warmth and communication along with limit-setting and structure. </p><p><span>It makes sense that gifted children would resist an authoritarian style. Eager to debate and parse through every demand, yet longing for your loving warmth and understanding, gifted children balk at authoritarian directives. It just doesn’t make sense to them.</span> In <a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2004-19131-003" target="_blank">one study</a>, an<span style="background: white;"> authoritative parental style was positively correlated with both gifted and nongifted adolescents' mental health, but gifted adolescents, in particular, exhibited worse mental health when they were the recipients of an authoritarian parenting style. </span></p><p><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="background: white; line-height: 107%;">Academic achievement also has been linked to parenting style. <a href="https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1988-05893-001" target="_blank">One study</a> reported a correlation between authoritative
parenting and a gifted child’s level of achievement and good grades, and that</span><span face=""Calibri",sans-serif" style="line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> both authoritarian and permissive parenting
styles were negatively associated with grades. In <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0162353213506066" target="_blank">another study</a>, early college entrants from families with an authoritative parenting style had higher grades.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="background: white; line-height: 107%;">Although not specifically a study of parenting style, <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0016986214526430" target="_blank">Paula Olszewski-Kubilius</a> and colleagues</span><span style="background: white; line-height: 107%;"> assessed family patterns and social development among 1,500
gifted students and their parents. They summarized their findings as “consistent
with previous research in that affectionate, supportive, and respectful family
environments appear to be important to the development of interpersonal skills
and competency and peer relationships for gifted individuals” (p. 199).</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="background: white; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></span></p><h3 style="text-align: left;"><span face=""Calibri",sans-serif" style="line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><b>What we must consider going forward</b></span></h3><p style="text-align: left;"><span face=""Calibri",sans-serif" style="line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Children crave your attuned understanding. However, most teens and older children recognize that you can be distracted, angry, or forgetful, and that your reactions sometimes miss the mark. Cultivating a caring, consistently respectful relationship can offset those times when misattunements occur. As I commented</span><span style="background-color: white;"> in my book, </span><a href="https://www.giftedunlimitedllc.com/store/p77/The_Gifted_Parenting_Journey%3A_A_Guide_to_Self-Discovery_and_Support_for_Families_of_Gifted_Children.html" style="background-color: white;" target="_blank"><i>The Gifted Parenting Journey</i>,</a><span style="background-color: white;"> </span></p><p></p><blockquote><span style="background-color: white;">"What buffers children from these momentary lapses in attuned attention is the stability inherent in a mutually respectful, caring, flexible, and well-intentioned family environment. Frequent, enthusiastic, and affectionate expressions of love for your child – just for being who they are – are essential. Letting them know you love them, enjoy time with them, appreciate their unique, adorable, and amazing traits, and relish watching them grow and flourish, will create a sense of security they will carry into adulthood" (p. 148).</span></blockquote><p>The importance of parental attunement has received more widespread attention and has even hit mainstream media. In a recent <a href="https://www.magzter.com/stories/news/Time/THE-PARENT-TRAP" target="_blank">Time Magazine article</a>, journalist Jenny Anderson highlighted the importance of attuned parenting in healthy parent-child relationships: "Being attuned to kids' emotional states is a crucial way parents support healthy development... A child's sense of self grows stronger and matures by being known, attended to, and by feeling they matter, first and foremost, to their parents or caregivers."</p><p><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Basic tools for parental attunement include paying attention to a child’s verbal and non-verbal cues, commiserating (although not lingering too long) with their disappointments, and sharing in their joy. When your child shows excitement, join in. When they are sad, let them know you understand their sadness, but assume they will rebound (and are there to help them). And ultimately, take care of your own emotions (through healthy adult relationships and emotional outlets) so they have less impact on your child. Psychiatrist and author</span><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Inside-Out-Self-Understanding-Anniversary/dp/039916510X/ref=asc_df_039916510X/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=312104274912&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=3624788609617483174&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9007234&hvtargid=pla-435002179400&psc=1" style="font-family: inherit; text-decoration-line: none;"><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #1155cc; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; text-decoration-line: underline; text-decoration-skip-ink: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Dan Siegel</span></a><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;"> has emphasized the importance of understanding your own childhood influences so you can parent at your best:</span></p><p></p><blockquote><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;">"If you had a difficult childhood but have come to make sense of those experiences, you are not bound to recreate the same negative interactions with your own children. Without such self-understanding, however, science has shown that history will likely repeat itself, as negative patterns of family interactions are passed down through the generations" (p. 15).</span><span style="background-color: white; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></span></blockquote><p> <span style="background-color: white;">Attunement and empathy demand an awareness of our child's unique needs, as well as our own wishes, expectations, fears, longings, and how our own childhood baggage affects us. It does not require perfection, however. </span><span style="background-color: white;">Parenting is an education for all of us. </span><span style="background-color: white;">Life interferes and we all screw up at times. But we can make a commitment to become more aware of our feelings and motivations - and then make the best decision possible based on our child's needs in the moment. </span><span style="background-color: white;"> <span style="font-family: inherit;">We cannot prevent some of
life’s mishaps and tragedies; however, we can provide a safety net through our loving,
consistent, flexible, </span></span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">and attuned presence.</span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><span style="background-color: white;">**<b>For</b> <b>more insight into your gifted parenting journey</b> as you navigate an attuned relationship with your gifted or twice-exceptional child, please join us for a <b>"Beyond the Basics" <a href="https://www.thegiftedparentingjourney.com/" target="_blank">Gifted Parenting Journey Workshop Series</a>.</b> </span>The series is designed to
provide an experience where parents can <b>take that next step</b> beyond
merely gathering factual information – a place where <b>group participants are
guided to learn more</b> about their parenting attitudes, emotions, and
expectations, and <b>where they can share their own wisdom</b> with others as well.</i></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18pt; margin-bottom: 7.5pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><o:p></o:p></i></span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><i><b>For more information about the workshop series, and to become part of a community of like-minded families through the Gifted Parenting Journey Community, please click <a href="https://www.thegiftedparentingjourney.com/" target="_blank">here</a>.</b>**</i></span></p><p><i><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"></span></i></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 18pt; margin-bottom: 7.5pt;"><br /></p><br />Gail Post, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/01482577821092891593noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6702344196398061245.post-57172944754408413972023-07-27T12:14:00.002-04:002023-07-28T17:16:39.382-04:00The gifted child's rocky path to adulthood... and how you can help<p></p><p><br /></p><div><br /></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBvtjJyJYWOymzZXqm2-I4t_dR9Ai6Sqzb20ZhWUgRi5uqEx0llPDxsO4J8tn6qEojMJiG34IidFeykim5_nAoTzYsB_mjPDFkB3Y_MXTTNWDBtqzv41RmQ_axYfjP3S8QdnBFQrXyQQwJDtk-Fwg0gSCOulFgk9fWXAIeCysGCGIwNUne3JdNCphs4iDv/s6000/rocky%20path%20-%20chris-turgeon-SEhcvjrSmec-unsplash.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="6000" data-original-width="4000" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBvtjJyJYWOymzZXqm2-I4t_dR9Ai6Sqzb20ZhWUgRi5uqEx0llPDxsO4J8tn6qEojMJiG34IidFeykim5_nAoTzYsB_mjPDFkB3Y_MXTTNWDBtqzv41RmQ_axYfjP3S8QdnBFQrXyQQwJDtk-Fwg0gSCOulFgk9fWXAIeCysGCGIwNUne3JdNCphs4iDv/s320/rocky%20path%20-%20chris-turgeon-SEhcvjrSmec-unsplash.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>The transition to adulthood is complicated for most of us. But gifted or twice-exceptional children bring additional challenges to the table that create some unexpected difficulties. </div><p></p>Wishful thinking leads us to assume that once our gifted children mature, their lives will follow a smoother path. And for some lucky families, this certainly happens. After all, gifted children have, well... <i>gifts</i> in terms of exceptional cognitive abilities, <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2022/05/whats-so-bad-about-intensity.html" target="_blank">intensity</a>, focus, drive (<i>for what interests them</i>), and excellent critical thinking skills. They possess the foundation for a successful life ahead.<p></p><p>But for most parents of gifted children, the worries don't stop when their child turns 18. Our grown kids drag their childhood selves into their adult years - replete with multiple complex interests, social quandaries, existential questioning, and <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2015/09/supporting-your-emotionally-excitable.html" target="_blank">emotional sensitivities</a>. All of this results in a bumpy launch into adulthood for many gifted young adults. And as parents, we watch from the sidelines, questioning what to do and when to intervene.</p><p>In an online survey of 428 parents of gifted children conducted in 2022 (described further in <a href="https://www.giftedunlimitedllc.com/store/p77/The_Gifted_Parenting_Journey%3A_A_Guide_to_Self-Discovery_and_Support_for_Families_of_Gifted_Children.html" target="_blank"><i>The Gifted Parenting Journey</i></a>), 54% of parents claimed that they felt worried "a lot" or "always" about whether their child would reach their potential (with only 8% indicating that they "never" worried), 38% worried "a lot" or "always" that their child would not find a meaningful career (with 13% claiming that they "never" worried), and 50% worried "a lot" or "always" that their child would not find happiness as an adult (with 9% indicating that they "never" worried about this). Clearly, most parents' worries about their gifted children extend well into the future. </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEilrvHykU2kqWRzegPLsEJM8EeTEor3e7F80rcMxhcKJTBbmFXYqpfBsu8D31cScMkuYKxfF22krsUWnAJA0_6MFuixG7rwK2gql-QC7XDwSd21CK4aK1Rrzh9_2qRmWE4X3Ig9npahKyWRz3Rvb0ie6felB09tr-6K58wGzjJQuw5kR6Pqg4yq7ezgO_To" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="527" data-original-width="902" height="234" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEilrvHykU2kqWRzegPLsEJM8EeTEor3e7F80rcMxhcKJTBbmFXYqpfBsu8D31cScMkuYKxfF22krsUWnAJA0_6MFuixG7rwK2gql-QC7XDwSd21CK4aK1Rrzh9_2qRmWE4X3Ig9npahKyWRz3Rvb0ie6felB09tr-6K58wGzjJQuw5kR6Pqg4yq7ezgO_To=w400-h234" width="400" /></a></div><p><b><br /></b></p><h2 style="text-align: left;"><b>What are some of the challenges that complicate a gifted or twice-exceptional child's path to adulthood?</b></h2><p><b><br /></b></p><p><b>Heightened sensitivities and excitabilities.</b> Increased sensitivity and intensity can create difficulty when transitioning and adapting to new circumstances. Whether adjusting to a roommate, accommodating an ever-changing daily schedule, or navigating new and complex social pressures, gifted young adults may struggle. </p><p><b>The joys and stress of newfound freedom</b>. Confronted with their longed-for independence, gifted young adults may be surprised that they might feel anxious. They may crave their independence, but now feel uncertain about making decisions on their own without relying on you to provide structure or support. </p><p><b>Social pressures.</b> Gifted kids often struggle with <a href="http://dev.nagc.org/resources-publications/resources-parents/social-emotional-issues/asynchronous-development" target="_blank">asynchronous development</a> when they are young, but may continue to lag behind their peers in terms of social maturity. This becomes a challenge when confronted with very adult decisions and multiple social expectations. They must learn to listen to their inner voice when faced with pressure related to drugs, alcohol, sexual encounters, or demands from roommates or friends. Introverted gifted young adults may have difficulty finding alone time to decompress when living in crowded conditions. Many also harbor insecurities stemming from a childhood where they <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2019/07/when-your-gifted-or-twice-exceptional.html" target="_blank">did not fit in</a> with peers. </p><p><b>Increased academic or career demands. </b>Gifted kids frequently have an easy time with academic demands in high school. Most classes are easy, or at the very least, require only minimal effort. The stakes increase once they leave for college. Coursework might be challenging for the first time, which may be a shock for some. With fewer safety nets, increased demands, and steeper competition, the potential for failure looms large. And challenging career responsibilities leave little margin for error. </p><p><b>Executive functioning difficulties.</b> Many gifted children <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2023/06/what-happens-when-gifted-kids-coast.html" target="_blank">coast through school</a> with little need to develop the planning, time management, or organizational skills so vital to success. Now they must juggle a demanding schedule that differs from day to day without parents nearby to nudge them to complete their assignments or remember a meeting time. College and career provide a rude awakening to the importance of time management, remembering deadlines, and planning ahead.</p><p><b>Career choices take on added urgency.</b> No longer free to dabble in what interests them, gifted young adults must decide on a career path that will be fulfilling, meaningful, and will pay the bills. <a href="https://medium.com/wise-well/the-blessing-and-curse-of-having-too-many-talents-f78f888917bb" target="_blank">Multipotentiality</a> (possessing a range of abilities and interests) complicates their daily lives, as well as career planning. They struggle with decisions about career choices and grieve the loss associated with relinquishing endless possibilities and the luxury of engaging in multiple passions and interests. </p><p><b>Heightened existential and identity concerns.</b> In addition to the stress of career planning, gifted young adults grapple with their sense of identity. This is similar to the existential awakenings that arose during middle school but creates an even greater sense of urgency. As noted in "<a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2021/11/what-kind-of-gifted-person-will-you.html" target="_blank"><i>What kind of gifted person will you become?</i></a>" gifted folks have enormous potential, but also grapple with finding a path that is meaningful to them.</p><p><i> Who am I if I compromise and make choices that contradict my values? </i></p><p></p><p></p><blockquote><i>Am I really smart if I fail a class or don't get hired for what seems like an ideal job? </i> </blockquote><blockquote><i>What happens if I choose a career path that disappoints others or leads to my own disappointment? </i></blockquote><p></p><p></p><blockquote><i>What about my sexual or gender identity, my political and spiritual values, and my uncertainty about how much to assert myself? </i></blockquote><p></p><blockquote><i>How do I use my abilities for the better good and find a path that is fulfilling?</i></blockquote><blockquote><i>How do I navigate all of the complexities of the world around me, fight climate change and injustice, and still earn a salary that allows me to be independent?</i></blockquote><p></p> A tall order for all young adults. But all-too-common tendencies toward <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2017/05/gifted-overthinkers-what-makes-them-tick.html" target="_blank">overthinking</a>, existential angst, and <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2018/11/abandoning-perfectionism.html" target="_blank">perfectionism</a> create even greater challenges for the gifted.<p></p><p><br /></p><h2 style="text-align: left;"><b>How can parents support their adult children as they transition to adulthood? Here is a short list of simple strategies:</b></h2><div><b><br /></b></div><div>1. Let them know you are always there to listen. </div><div><br /></div><div>2. Offer advice only when they are open to it. (This is a tough one for loving, concerned parents!) Your sage wisdom will be abruptly dismissed if your timing is off or if they feel pressured or diminished.</div><div><br /></div><div>3. Remind them that you have faith in them and trust that they will arrive at the best possible solution available.</div><div><br /></div><div>4. Reassure them that you do not expect perfection - you just want them to thrive, put in effort when required, and find the path that suits their needs.</div><div><br /></div><div>5. Point out that it is normal to question goals and expectations - no big decision comes easily, and their self-reflection is a sign of maturity and conscientiousness.</div><div><br /></div><div>6. Let them know that you <i>expect</i> them to struggle at times - this comes with adulthood and something you have been through yourself.</div><div><br /></div><div>7. Just like when they were young, learn to pick your battles. But battle less often. Determine when intervening is essential to their well-being (e.g., they are at risk of losing their health insurance because they forget to submit payments) or merely based on your personal preferences (e.g., they got yet another tattoo). </div><div><br /></div><div>7. If they are struggling excessively or you learn they have significant mental health or substance abuse problems, you may need to intervene and insist that <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2015/10/gifted-children-and-adults-when-is.html" target="_blank">they seek help</a>. Of course, you ultimately have no control over their decisions (another tough lesson for loving, concerned parents), but at least you would have tried - and sometimes when they are truly struggling, they just might let you help.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>In essence, your child's launch into adulthood is not that much different from any other transition - replete with emotional reactivity, struggles, and ultimately, success. They bring their strengths, quirks, and unique sense of self to this next phase. Their task requires a focus on finding a meaningful road forward, developing the <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2021/03/building-resilience-strategies-to.html" target="_blank">resilience</a> to weather setbacks, and learning to <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2018/05/gifted-adults-embracing-complexity.html" target="_blank">embrace their complexity</a>. Your job, as a parent, is to weather <a href="https://medium.com/wise-well/surviving-empty-nestings-second-launch-76fff4e9046b" target="_blank"><i>your own reactions </i>to this transition</a> and find <i>your</i> path toward developing a more mature relationship with them. Your patient, attuned, loving connection, tempered by a respect for their autonomy, will support them as they stumble, question their path ahead, and ultimately thrive. </div><p><br /></p>Gail Post, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/01482577821092891593noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6702344196398061245.post-77164227830597610832023-06-27T12:31:00.006-04:002023-06-27T15:11:34.644-04:00What happens when gifted kids coast through school?<p>Your super smart, inquisitive, intense gifted child had a passion for learning that was astonishing. They dove into whatever new interest consumed them and barely came up for air.</p><p>Then, school happened.</p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody><tr><td><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOpAMMe7jAwpSQIxi7PsCc4qIVbQ9d-GqtcXzMTFv9-pnsvMzA_kPMgHDDK-m8XJ1TjBe7uPxkPmd9H3MncPkbU8y7-EQ01d9tGHoTQiki2YomD_5WCOw8bbL_pHbTGPFQCILLTeMOxshO67rTfDyhVq3fMHI6qynVNpZXj2CG-yPyp1XZIy_fwA-OE14R/s4956/tony-tran-F8sCVSW4t4E-unsplash.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4956" data-original-width="3304" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOpAMMe7jAwpSQIxi7PsCc4qIVbQ9d-GqtcXzMTFv9-pnsvMzA_kPMgHDDK-m8XJ1TjBe7uPxkPmd9H3MncPkbU8y7-EQ01d9tGHoTQiki2YomD_5WCOw8bbL_pHbTGPFQCILLTeMOxshO67rTfDyhVq3fMHI6qynVNpZXj2CG-yPyp1XZIy_fwA-OE14R/w213-h320/tony-tran-F8sCVSW4t4E-unsplash.jpg" title="Tony Tran/Unsplash" width="213" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption">(Photo: Tony Tran/Unsplash)</td></tr></tbody></table><p></p><p>How do easy A's, limited academic enrichment, and <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2016/10/boredom-and-gifted-child-challenging.html" target="_blank">hours of boredom</a> affect our gifted children? Some of us have seen the impact, have lived it with our children, and have struggled with this seemingly insurmountable problem. We witness our child's disengagement, their loss of interest, their minimal effort, and watch helplessly as their drive for learning seems to vanish. </p><p><br /></p><p>According to <a href="https://www.amazon.com/When-Gifted-Kids-Dont-Answers/dp/1575424932/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=" target="_blank">Jim Delisle</a>, many gifted children are selective consumers who choose academic interests like a Sunday buffet. If they dislike the teacher or the topic, they don't bother to apply their abilities. Others are <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2015/11/underachievers-under-radar-how.html" target="_blank">underachievers under-the-radar</a>, a term I coined to describe gifted kids who boast reasonably good grades, keep out of trouble, and "look" successful. Teachers may assume their grades reflect effort, when in fact, these students cut corners and feel relieved about easily coasting through school without repercussions.</p><p><br /></p><p>Of course, we know what happens to these kids. They eventually hit a wall when classwork gets harder or a boss takes them to task. By the time reality sets in, they are woefully unprepared to manage the challenge of demanding work. They often lack <a href="https://dev.nagc.org/gifted-learners-and-executive-functioning" target="_blank">executive functioning skills</a> (such as organization, time management, or study skills) and their self-confidence takes a hit when they realize that they need help or tutoring or time management support. Asking for help is anathema to them; they cannot imagine reaching out for support and feel shame about their struggles. Many retreat, drop that tough college class, or leave a job that is too challenging.</p><p><br /></p><p><a href="https://www.giftedunlimitedllc.com/store/p77/The_Gifted_Parenting_Journey%3A_A_Guide_to_Self-Discovery_and_Support_for_Families_of_Gifted_Children.html" target="_blank">Results</a> from an online survey of 428 parents of gifted children highlighted parents' concerns. Many worried "a lot" or "always" about whether their child would receive a meaningful education (60.2%), the impact of boredom and disengagement (59.1%), and the limited number of opportunities available where their children could challenge themselves (41.1%). (See the graph below.)</p><p><br /></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjUSUELooLdL4CkDXonug62hfimnYJTgBUf3KA2c24d5gX7zVUObVgRBPd8BHTYbuPI7TXiEguz0hdghAGAwJUStRI8Qjrd_FmDyruW7DRF07drMkeupJUUY2RLwJGJcvQ56VHpKfJmI2kJBC_Kv9HWugn1AVarDYLUM71wElVxfdtpZ0IJHZ-uLwB8TINQ" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="527" data-original-width="902" height="187" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjUSUELooLdL4CkDXonug62hfimnYJTgBUf3KA2c24d5gX7zVUObVgRBPd8BHTYbuPI7TXiEguz0hdghAGAwJUStRI8Qjrd_FmDyruW7DRF07drMkeupJUUY2RLwJGJcvQ56VHpKfJmI2kJBC_Kv9HWugn1AVarDYLUM71wElVxfdtpZ0IJHZ-uLwB8TINQ" width="320" /></a></div><br /><br /><div><b>What can parents and teachers do to support these disengaged students (<i>other than worry</i>)?</b> Well, the answers may seem obvious but bear repeating:</div><div><br /><p></p><p>1. <b>Ensure that a challenging academic environment is provided for <i>all</i> children</b> (including gifted or twice-exceptional children) so that each child can learn in a manner consistent with their abilities. This, of course, assumes that school districts will invest in gifted programming and support <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2023/04/first-do-no-harm-nine-tactics-that.html" target="_blank">teachers</a> who require additional education about giftedness - something often lacking in their basic training. It also requires a philosophical shift where the needs of gifted children are taken seriously.</p><p><br /></p><p>2. A range of <b>cost-effective options</b>, such as subject or grade <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2020/01/should-you-accelerate-your-gifted-child.html" target="_blank">acceleration</a>, early <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2019/08/when-should-your-gifted-child-start.html" target="_blank">kindergarten entry</a>, <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2017/03/ability-grouping-works-and-is-essential.html" target="_blank">ability grouping</a>, or clustering gifted and highly able students together within classrooms are just a few of the options available. A <a href="https://fordhaminstitute.org/national/commentary/how-lax-grading-policies-make-classrooms-chaotic?fbclid=IwAR2hbcAuDf2pnjt5PM4K6OmfP-sPrPf7c5YYV9HdM05G-wNY4vO93ZC0Dws&utm_source=pocket_saves" target="_blank">recent commentary</a> pointing to the drawbacks of lax grading policies is an example of the impact of low expectations; the author noted that students often calculated how they could expend the least amount of effort without completely failing. Of course, grades are not necessarily a good measure of a gifted student's engagement. But any policy that disincentivizes effort is sure to appeal to gifted kids who have already disengaged from the classroom.</p><p><br /></p><p>3. <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2019/12/the-gift-of-advocacy.html" target="_blank"><b>Advocate</b></a><b> for the necessity of gifted services</b> within your school district and your State or Province. This includes arbitrary policy limitations districts impose regarding what they consider gifted education. When schools, for example, claim that gifted education does not start until third grade, or that gifted education merely involves a one-hour pull-out class, it often falls on parents to challenge these rules. </p><p><br /></p><p>4. <b>Insist on </b><a href="https://www.eschoolnews.com/innovative-teaching/2022/10/24/universal-screening-equitable-gifted-and-talented/" target="_blank"><b>universal screening</b></a>, which is more likely to identify gifted students who "don't look gifted." Those <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2022/04/why-does-giftedness-remain-unrecognized.html" target="_blank">who are likely to be ignored</a> include persons of color, students from impoverished backgrounds, rural residents, English Language Learners, or those with a competing twice-exceptional condition such as a learning disability that masks their giftedness. </p><p><br /></p><p>5. <b>Insist that your child pursue educational options that will support their love of learning</b> and push them to expend effort and challenge themselves. These might include strategies for engaging their <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2017/10/ignite-creative-fire-in-your-gifted.html" target="_blank">intrinsic motivation</a>, participation in challenging extra-curricular activities or honors and <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2022/08/are-ap-classes-good-or-bad-for-gifted.html" target="_blank">AP classes</a>, and opportunities for <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2021/03/building-resilience-strategies-to.html" target="_blank">building resilience</a> and executive functioning skills.</p><p><br /></p><p>6. <b>Pay close attention to your child's moods; </b>signs of <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2018/09/when-gifted-students-feel-disconnected.html" target="_blank">disengagement</a> or hopelessness must be taken seriously. Disinterest in previously enjoyable activities, withdrawal from friends, irritability, and changes in appetite or sleep patterns can alert you to the need for <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2018/05/when-is-it-more-than-giftedness.html" target="_blank">additional intervention</a>. Enlist the school or a licensed mental health professional for support. </p><p><br /></p><p>The above comments offer just a few suggestions. Both parents and teachers are already juggling a lot. And when a gifted child coasts through school - and doesn't cause additional problems - the insidious effects of disengagement from learning might be overlooked. It falls on both parents and schools to take this seriously and ensure that gifted children receive the challenging education they need and deserve.</p><p> </p><p><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "Open Sans";">** </span><b style="background-color: white; font-family: "Open Sans";">For more insights about parenting gifted children, please see my new book, </b><i style="background-color: white; font-family: "Open Sans";"><b>The Gifted Parenting Journey.</b> </i><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "Open Sans";">Available through</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "Open Sans";"> the </span><a href="https://www.giftedunlimitedllc.com/store/p77/The_Gifted_Parenting_Journey%3A_A_Guide_to_Self-Discovery_and_Support_for_Families_of_Gifted_Children_%28pre-order_10%2F5%2F22_release_date%29.html" style="background-color: white; color: #33aaff; font-family: "Open Sans"; text-decoration-line: none;" target="_blank">publisher</a><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "Open Sans";"> and the usual </span><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Gifted-Parenting-Journey-Self-Discovery-Families/dp/1953360157/ref=sr_1_1?crid=N3EBUANXWDP8&keywords=gifted+parenting+journey&qid=1666365293&qu=eyJxc2MiOiIwLjAwIiwicXNhIjoiMC4wMCIsInFzcCI6IjAuMDAifQ%3D%3D&sprefix=%2Caps%2C224&sr=8-1" style="background-color: white; color: #2282b2; font-family: "Open Sans"; text-decoration-line: none;" target="_blank">bookseller sites</a><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "Open Sans";">, this book ad</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "Open Sans"; line-height: 17.12px;">dresses a previously neglected topic</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "Open Sans";">: the needs and emotional life of parents of gifted children.</span><b style="font-family: "Open Sans";"> For more information about this book, snippets from editorial reviews, and upcoming workshops and book events, please see this <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/p/new-book.html" style="color: #2282b2; text-decoration-line: none;" target="_blank">link</a></b><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "Open Sans";">.**</span></p></div>Gail Post, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/01482577821092891593noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6702344196398061245.post-11958343244863474452023-05-25T13:16:00.000-04:002023-05-25T13:16:06.376-04:00When your gifted or twice-exceptional child does not fit in: Six tips for parents<br />
<br />It is heartbreaking to witness a gifted or twice-exceptional child's exclusion from peers. You watch helplessly from the sidelines as other children easily connect on the playground, receive party invitations, and effortlessly attract friends. Your child's attempts to socialize are more frequently declined - sometimes with aloof avoidance and other times with blatant rejection. <i>You can't play with us! You're not invited! </i><div><i><br /></i><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9kLDpifu0XLY5boPtR6qPj4GbuZOYzCKiAL8Ia0GAinLapV7mH19Dekh0EFJGHDxqw2nhrr22t-24X8jC0lyUclPW-M3E6KaM4WCuH4Z5PzEX45lheQ9Wnkrsa0iRR7NNMW_GC5ENAX-WxkRgOUKEj7MsktdOdqzM75tOdyB9UG7cxO0IdPzZ1n7xHQ/s1675/Fotolia_1686130_Subscription_Monthly_M.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1135" data-original-width="1675" height="217" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9kLDpifu0XLY5boPtR6qPj4GbuZOYzCKiAL8Ia0GAinLapV7mH19Dekh0EFJGHDxqw2nhrr22t-24X8jC0lyUclPW-M3E6KaM4WCuH4Z5PzEX45lheQ9Wnkrsa0iRR7NNMW_GC5ENAX-WxkRgOUKEj7MsktdOdqzM75tOdyB9UG7cxO0IdPzZ1n7xHQ/s320/Fotolia_1686130_Subscription_Monthly_M.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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From an early age, gifted and twice-exceptional children recognize their differences. They notice how they grasp information more quickly than their same-age peers. They feel frustrated when other children don't get their jokes or don't understand their "rules" for a complicated game. Yet, they also feel the sting of rejection when excluded or teased. Some internalize the mocking comments lobbed toward them. Geek. Weirdo. Nerd. Or much worse... </div><div><br /><div><div><br /></div><div><div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white;">Gifted children thrive when surrounded by like-minded peers, where they can converse freely, share similar interests, engage in healthy competition, and where they no longer feel compelled to</span><a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2013/11/gifted-children-need-place-to-belong.html" style="background-color: white; color: #6caad8; text-decoration-line: none;" target="_blank"> hide their talents.</a><span style="background-color: white;"> Whether at the local playground, </span></span><span style="background-color: white;">in their neighborhood, </span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white;">or on the soccer field, </span></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white;">few gifted children find friends who truly "get them." Their sense of isolation and "differentness" intensifies <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2017/01/when-gifted-kids-get-to-exhale.html" target="_blank">within most typical classroom settings</a>; when</span><span style="background-color: white;"> schools refuse to implement </span><a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2017/03/ability-grouping-works-and-is-essential.html" style="background-color: white; color: #6caad8; text-decoration-line: none;" target="_blank">ability grouping</a> - an option that might engender<span style="background-color: white;"> a sense of belonging and connection - gifted students remain isolated and misunderstood. </span></span></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><h3 style="text-align: left;"><b>What can you do when your child does not fit in?</b></h3><br />How can you help your child find like-minded peers, and navigate the social climate while still remaining true to themselves? What<span style="font-family: inherit;"> will guide them toward developing the necessary social skills - without requiring excessive conformity and compromise? </span>And how do you address these concerns <i>without conveying your own feelings of anxiety, disappointment, or frustration?</i> The following are a few suggestions:</div><div><br />
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1. First, help your child understand giftedness</b><br />
<br /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">Parents sometimes avoid explaining giftedness to their children - concerned that understanding their giftedness might place too much pressure on them or instill an arrogant sense of self. However, <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2021/10/how-gifted-children-view-their.html" target="_blank">your child already recognizes</a> that they differ from their peers and view themselves and the world differently. A clear, no-frills explanation conveys the facts without implying that they are better than other children, and provides a context for what they already know to be true about themselves. It helps them understand why finding friends might seem elusive. </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "open sans";">You can</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"> tailor your language to fit your child's developmental level and capacity to understand what it means to be gifted. It is essential for you as a parent to take on this task<i> before someone else does</i> and mishandles it. </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "open sans";">For more about how to share information about giftedness with your child, see this </span><a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2017/06/how-to-explain-giftedness-to-your-child.html" style="background-color: white; color: #6caad8; font-family: "Open Sans"; text-decoration-line: none;" target="_blank">link</a><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "open sans";">.</span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "open sans";"><br /></span></div><div>
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2. Help them appreciate that <i>it is "normal" to feel they are different.</i></b></div><div><br /></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white;">Many gifted and twice-exceptional children are accustomed to seeing themselves as outliers and out of sync with children their age. This awareness of their "differentness" and separateness is valid; they <i>are</i> different. Pretending they are neurotypical, <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2016/06/intelligence-denied-when-gifted.html" target="_blank">denying their giftedness,</a> or assuming they should easily fit in discounts their reality. Your empathy and support - along with a clear acknowledgment that they are different - will help them feel understood. <i>Their reactions are "normal" and understandable. </i></span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span></div><div><br /></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white;"><b>3. Help your child understand their resistance - or anxiety - about navigating social interactions</b></span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white;"><b><br /></b></span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white;">Remind your child that it is understandable and normal to feel uncomfortable in new social situations. (You might also, briefly, share a few stories of your own!) Help them discover what negative thoughts, fears, and frustrations interfere. Ask them what thoughts <i>(e.g., I just know they will laugh at me if I try to dance at the party)</i> contribute to their worries. Find out if frustrations with their peers' interests <i>(e.g., I hate it when they talk about popular songs when I want to discuss politics)</i> leave them on the sidelines. Some of their concerns may be realistic; they might be less mature than their same-age peers or have little interest in popular culture. Recognizing their own struggles can be particularly painful for a gifted child who typically excels in most other situations. Once they appreciate that their resistance and difficulties are normal - <i>and</i> manageable - they may be more open to taking on the challenge of addressing these situations.</span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white;"><b>4. Help your child develop resilience in the face of challenging social situations</b></span></span></div><div><br /></div><div><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "open sans";">You can help your child counteract feelings of hopelessness when challenging social interactions loom. Brainstorming, for example, is a useful tool for recognizing a full range of possibilities that explain others' actions and for curtailing any tendency to quickly form conclusions without evaluating all of the facts. For example, your child may assume that a friend is not responding to texts because they don't want to be friends anymore. Ask your child to write a list of at least ten </span><i style="background-color: white; font-family: "Open Sans";">other </i><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "open sans";">reasons why their friend might be avoiding them. Then, ask your child to identify several strategies for approaching the problem.</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "open sans";"> These could include sometimes cha</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">nging the situation or removing the offending agent (e.g., making a decision </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "open sans";">to find friends whom they can trust), taking action (e.g., telling their friend what is upsetting them), or changing their attitude (e.g., recognizing that five years from now, the friend's rejection will no longer sting). Encourage them to sort out the benefits and drawbacks of each strategy and to come up with a plan of action, as well as a backup plan. (See some of the articles about resilience listed below.)</span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "open sans";"><br /></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "open sans";"><br /></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><div><b>5. Help them find social connections related to their interests. </b></div><div><br /></div><div><span>Gifted and twice-exceptional children crave a place <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2019/04/where-do-i-belong-gifted-persons-lament.html" target="_blank">where they can belong</a> and where <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2017/01/making-it-safe-to-be-smart.html" target="_blank">it feels "safe" to be smart</a>. T</span><span>hey long for both intellectual </span><i>and</i><span> social connection with peers who understand their view of the world, who appreciate their perspective, and who just “get them.” Some gifted children may find a group of like-minded peers in school, particularly when gifted programs or ability grouping are available. More often, though, they must turn to extra-curricular activities to feel a sense of belonging. Help your child identify interests where they are likely to find similar peers. This could range from activities in the creative arts to STEM fields. Examples might include theater, visual arts, music, creative writing, film production, robotics, chess, coding, or a paleontology class at a local museum. Some activities may be low-cost or offer financial scholarships when needed.</span></div></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><div><span><span><b>6. Encourage social skills development</b></span></span></div><div><span><span><br /></span></span></div><div><span><span>Some gifted kids lag behind their peers in their social development. They might be viewed as bossy and impatient, or socially clueless. It is painful when they experience rejection or even bullying. And while you might help them embrace their differentness, it is nevertheless a daunting and upsetting experience when they don't fit in with their peers. Once your child appreciates that it is normal and understandable for them to feel different, though, you can encourage them to both embrace their uniqueness<i> and</i> also learn tools for navigating social interactions. This requires an expectation that they can choose (<i>or not</i>) to adapt when they find themselves in challenging social situations. They don't have to be the life of the party or the most popular kid in their class. But they can find other children to play with or talk to - even if they don't feel entirely comfortable. Taking on social challenges builds resilience and will engender confidence. And when your encouragement is not enough, sometimes searching for additional support is helpful. Some schools and <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2015/10/gifted-children-and-adults-when-is.html" target="_blank">mental health professionals</a> offer social skills groups that can boost their confidence and improve their ability to handle these tough challenges.</span></span></div><div><span><span><br /></span></span></div><div><br /></div><div>Additional strategies for helping your gifted or twice-exceptional child with social interactions: </div><div><br /></div><div><a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2019/04/where-do-i-belong-gifted-persons-lament.html" target="_blank">Where do I belong? The gifted person's lament</a></div><div><br /></div><div><a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2016/08/tips-for-helping-your-socially-isolated.html" target="_blank">Tips for helping your socially isolated gifted teen</a></div><div><br /></div><div><a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2018/07/where-can-i-find-friend-how.html" target="_blank">Where can I find a friend? How asynchronous development affects relationships</a></div><div><br /></div><div><a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2018/03/what-your-gifted-child-wont-learn-from.html" target="_blank">What your gifted child won't learn from academics</a></div><div><br /></div><div><a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2021/02/how-to-help-your-gifted-child-build.html" target="_blank">How to help your gifted child build resilience: Reframing failure</a></div><div><br /></div><div><a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2021/03/building-resilience-strategies-to.html" target="_blank">Building resilience: Strategies to support your gifted child</a></div><br /><div><br /></div><div><a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2018/09/when-gifted-students-feel-disconnected.html" target="_blank">When gifted students feel disconnected from school</a></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "Open Sans"; font-size: 17.6px;">** </span><b style="background-color: white; font-family: "Open Sans"; font-size: 17.6px;">For more insights about parenting gifted children, please see my new book, </b><i style="background-color: white; font-family: "Open Sans"; font-size: 17.6px;"><b>The Gifted Parenting Journey.</b> </i><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "Open Sans"; font-size: 17.6px;">Available through the </span><a href="https://www.giftedunlimitedllc.com/store/p77/The_Gifted_Parenting_Journey%3A_A_Guide_to_Self-Discovery_and_Support_for_Families_of_Gifted_Children_%28pre-order_10%2F5%2F22_release_date%29.html" style="background-color: white; color: #33aaff; font-family: "Open Sans"; font-size: 17.6px;" target="_blank">publisher</a><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "Open Sans"; font-size: 17.6px;"> and the usual </span><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Gifted-Parenting-Journey-Self-Discovery-Families/dp/1953360157/ref=sr_1_1?crid=N3EBUANXWDP8&keywords=gifted+parenting+journey&qid=1666365293&qu=eyJxc2MiOiIwLjAwIiwicXNhIjoiMC4wMCIsInFzcCI6IjAuMDAifQ%3D%3D&sprefix=%2Caps%2C224&sr=8-1" style="background-color: white; color: #2282b2; font-family: "Open Sans"; font-size: 17.6px; text-decoration-line: none;" target="_blank">bookseller sites</a><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "Open Sans"; font-size: 17.6px;">, this book ad</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: "Open Sans"; font-size: 17.6px; line-height: 17.12px;">dresses a previously neglected topic in the literature: the needs and emotional life of parents of gifted children.<b> For more information about this book, snippets from editorial reviews, and upcoming workshops and book events, please see this <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/p/new-book.html" style="color: #2282b2; text-decoration-line: none;" target="_blank">link</a></b>.**<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span><br style="background-color: white;" /></span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: "Open Sans"; font-size: 17.6px;" /></div></div></div></div></div>Gail Post, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/01482577821092891593noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6702344196398061245.post-54854186899167212252023-04-12T13:45:00.000-04:002023-04-12T13:45:10.547-04:00First, do no harm: Nine tactics that teachers of gifted students should avoid<p><br /></p><p>Something happens in most classrooms when a gifted child shows up. Their presence makes life more complicated. And contrary to widely held views about the gifted, they are not always the easiest children to teach. They require more challenging coursework. They ask a bunch of questions and "correct" the teacher on any oversight (without awareness that their commentary may not be appreciated!). They may act out or melt down or roll their eyes when bored.</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDa1DvgSUVfEbBP8wviOJr2IG5zsXsr1NHEmmkmZD_AtQS1bhAhEjyayb3rWOPolsrhspJ9uei8hVAGWNxhBXZ_f8O2bFY8oArt97BAhsXurd3AYa4Wop7UJUUceSK5WsMDCFN1DHis5l3w9ltLfZDyIMSP7H9onqs84lXH6JSefFzSG62k82h8rIs3g/s424/Fotolia_61121263_XS.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="283" data-original-width="424" height="214" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDa1DvgSUVfEbBP8wviOJr2IG5zsXsr1NHEmmkmZD_AtQS1bhAhEjyayb3rWOPolsrhspJ9uei8hVAGWNxhBXZ_f8O2bFY8oArt97BAhsXurd3AYa4Wop7UJUUceSK5WsMDCFN1DHis5l3w9ltLfZDyIMSP7H9onqs84lXH6JSefFzSG62k82h8rIs3g/s320/Fotolia_61121263_XS.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><p>If they could, teachers would provide a challenging, creative, intellectually stimulating education tailored to each child's developmental and intellectual needs. They might even address problems related to <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2018/11/abandoning-perfectionism.html" target="_blank">perfectionism</a> or <a href="https://www.davidsongifted.org/gifted-blog/executive-functioning-and-gifted-children/#:~:text=In%20terms%20of%20executive%20function,to%20new%20tasks%20when%20needed." target="_blank">executive functioning</a> difficulties or <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2019/04/where-do-i-belong-gifted-persons-lament.html" target="_blank">peer relations</a>. But most teachers are already quite busy managing various pressing needs within the classroom. Some teachers also lack the education or administrative support to address the needs of gifted children. </p><p><br /></p><p>Much improvement is needed to address <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2022/04/why-does-giftedness-remain-unrecognized.html" target="_blank">how gifted students are identified</a> and how gifted education is implemented. But at the very least, educators might adhere to the medical profession's well-known dictum:</p><p><br /></p><p><b><i>First,</i> do no harm.</b></p><p><br /></p><p>Certainly, teachers are not in the business of harming kids. They are there to educate and support them. <b>But some misguided strategies used to teach, placate, or merely occupy a gifted student's classroom time are still in practice</b> - and inadvertently cause harm. I am not an educator, but I deeply respect the teaching profession and their often thankless job. Most of the comments below reflect classroom practices that inadvertently hurt gifted kids - they are <i>not</i> intentional or malicious. But since these practices still occur, greater awareness of how gifted students are affected may inform change. </p><p><br /></p><h3 style="text-align: left;"><b>Here are nine tactics that teachers would be wise to avoid:</b></h3><p><br /></p><p><b>1. Asking gifted kids to tutor their peers</b>. Learning to coach or supervise or mentor others is a useful skill we might use as adults - on the job or as volunteers. But expecting a gifted child to tutor their classmates is a recipe for disaster. Tutoring is not a substitute for and does not enhance a gifted child's education. Instead, it reinforces their self-perception as outliers who don't fit in with their classmates. It also sets up a damaging interpersonal dynamic with peers who already may resent them, or at the very least, view them as weird and different. Additional bullying or rejection may follow. (And tutoring by a same-aged peer does nothing for the self-esteem of those students who are being tutored!)</p><p><br /></p><p><b>2. Group projects.</b> Including a gifted child in one of those typically miserable group projects (a topic for another day...) to "pull up" the other students is a no-win situation. The gifted child endures the thankless task of shouldering responsibility for the project or risks a low grade (which may seem particularly unfair to them). Group participants who expect the gifted child to do more will resent them whether they assume this burden or not. Either way, it amplifies the gifted child's outlier status. If group projects cannot be eliminated altogether, then placing the gifted child within a group of similar-ability peers is preferable. However, some teachers refuse to consider this option, as they assume it creates an unfair advantage for gifted students over their classmates. Such reasoning typifies how gifted children's needs are often sacrificed in the service of creating a presumably level playing field. </p><p><br /></p><p><b>3. Using the G-word - without a clear context.</b> We know that the "gifted" label evokes envy, resentment, and confusion among adults and children alike. The unfortunate label implies that a gifted child is somehow "better" than others. If <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2018/01/lets-get-real-about-gifted-kids.html" target="_blank">adults struggle with this assumption</a>, one can only imagine what other children think. Of course, most kids can readily identify their smart or athletic or artistic or socially skilled classmates. If the gifted label is used at all, though, a quick but understandable explanation of neurodiversity should be provided. This can be something as simple as acknowledging that everyone thinks differently and needs a different approach when it comes to education. By placing giftedness in context, you are reinforcing the concept that we all are different, that each child's needs should be respected, and differences do not imply that any child is better than the other.</p><p><br /></p><p><b>4. Offering gifted students busywork, extra homework, or poorly planned gifted pull-out programs.</b> Any assumption that gifted children derive benefits from busy work or extra homework is flat-out wrong. They want to play and explore their interests just like every other child. They will resent teachers and hate school if what they are asked seems pointless. It might seem obvious that scheduling a gifted pull-out class during recess or electives a child enjoys (like art or music) can feel like a punishment and fuel rebellion. Many teachers assume that every classroom instruction is essential. Yet, who here reading this remembers their social studies or science lessons from elementary school? <i>Do they really matter that much?</i> Gifted children will not miss out when relinquished from the classroom for more challenging activities. </p><p><br /></p><p><b>5. Chastising a gifted child for their attempts to offset boredom.</b> If gifted children are left to languish in classrooms unprepared to educate them, they rely on their own resources. Some doodle incessantly. Others read at their desks. Others cause trouble by chatting with their classmates and interrupting the lecture with repeated questions. If teachers do not have the time to provide more challenging learning activities, it would be wise to least allow them to occupy their time with something educational - like reading or a creative activity.</p><p><br /></p><p><b>6. Criticizing a gifted student for not achieving high grades. </b>No child feels good about a low grade. Some gifted kids feel shame when their grades drop. It may tarnish their image of themselves, or challenge their harsh perfectionism, or evoke fears that they are an impostor. If a teacher is concerned about a sudden drop in grades, privately addressing this in a calm manner with the student may elicit some information. And sometimes, even gifted kids have a bad day and perform poorly. Regardless of whether the low grade is a one-off occurrence or part of a new pattern, addressing it with calm compassion and a spirit of curiosity will be more effective and certainly less shaming.</p><p><br /></p><p><b>7. Teasing gifted students about their interests.</b> Gifted kids often have unique interests. When these are mocked or even if a student is gently teased (e.g., did you spend<i> all </i>weekend on that geology project?), it implies that there is something wrong with them, instills feelings of shame, and alerts classmates to the gifted student's "weirdness." They are left to choose between either hiding their interests or suffering ridicule not only from peers but even from the adults in charge. </p><p class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-top: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></p><p><br /></p><p><b>8. Singling them out as special in front of their classmates.</b> Even if well-intentioned, this also places a target on their backs. Most children want to be special and favored by their teacher; however, any sign of favoritism will breed resentment and retaliation from their classmates. It also reinforces a perspective that they are special because of innate abilities rather than due to hard work and effort. On a broader level, this reinforces the misguided societal view that giftedness is elitist and that gifted education should be eliminated to prevent special treatment.</p><p><br /></p><p><b>9. Stereotypes and assumptions.</b> We are all human and bound to hold certain biases and judgments. Teachers are no different. They are also influenced by media portrayals of the gifted, and may view the gifted as nerds and misfits. <a href="https://www.researchgate.net/publication/281539634_Gifted_and_Maladjusted_Implicit_Attitudes_and_Automatic_Associations_Related_to_Gifted_Children" target="_blank">Preckel and colleagues</a>, for example, noted that "teachers’ ambivalent or negative attitudes against giftedness may enhance the inner conflicts that gifted students—and especially gifted adolescents—can experience” (p. 5). We often don't know when biases or stereotypes take hold, though! It would be wise for teachers to routinely question their assumptions about gifted students - whether associated with gender, maladjustment, achievement orientation, or beliefs about parental involvement. And, of course, addressing biases with respect to the <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0016986217738015" target="_blank">gifted under-identification</a> of persons of color, English language learners, children from impoverished environments, and students with twice-exceptional conditions is essential. Parents also benefit from greater awareness about how to best <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2023/03/five-tips-for-communicating-with-your.html" target="_blank">approach their child's teacher</a>. </p><p><br /></p><p>If you are a teacher, the parent of a gifted child, or a gifted adult who has endured these classroom experiences, please feel free to share your opinions, suggestions, or experiences in the comments section below. Thanks!</p><p><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; font-family: "Open Sans"; font-size: 17.6px;"><i>If you are the parent of a gifted or twice-exceptional child, <b>please consider joining an interactive, supportive online workshop series starting soon</b> that addresses the challenges parents face, with concepts applied from my book, <a href="https://www.giftedunlimitedllc.com/store/p77/The_Gifted_Parenting_Journey%3A_A_Guide_to_Self-Discovery_and_Support_for_Families_of_Gifted_Children.html" style="color: #2282b2; text-decoration-line: none;" target="_blank">The Gifted Parenting Journey</a>.</i></p><p style="background-color: white; font-family: "Open Sans"; font-size: 17.6px;"><b>Workshop information can be found here: <a href="https://www.thegiftedparentingjourney.com/" style="color: #2282b2; text-decoration-line: none;">https://www.thegiftedparentingjourney.com/</a>.</b></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Gail Post, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/01482577821092891593noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6702344196398061245.post-9626158497955763602023-03-28T14:30:00.000-04:002023-03-28T14:30:21.283-04:00Five tips for communicating with your gifted child's teacher<p><br /></p><p>One of the greatest stressors parents of gifted and twice-exceptional children face involves battles with the school. Yes, battles. Of course, working with the school shouldn't be adversarial. But sometimes it can seem like an uphill slog as you attempt to enlist the school's support.</p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0Chlh3lzU_yYcum8zNXOcz0fIsfMsKxPGecgeVkjVkhSP6EPegEH0-bIQa9PsmDkB2uywr6HN6NEeex7n682SsF3ntw44bLp1IB39SeW-6IlFeQVqmBGZyB3pn2Vtkbycs9dfs2gHrFTytJLz8XrYreFB-O3e3illN8jwjfiza9v8ncnTenhT257O9Q/s6000/shutterstock_1811990206.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4000" data-original-width="6000" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0Chlh3lzU_yYcum8zNXOcz0fIsfMsKxPGecgeVkjVkhSP6EPegEH0-bIQa9PsmDkB2uywr6HN6NEeex7n682SsF3ntw44bLp1IB39SeW-6IlFeQVqmBGZyB3pn2Vtkbycs9dfs2gHrFTytJLz8XrYreFB-O3e3illN8jwjfiza9v8ncnTenhT257O9Q/s320/shutterstock_1811990206.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p><p><a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2021/05/what-gifted-advocacy-is-not.html" target="_blank">Advocacy</a> can be a daunting task. It is an unexpected additional burden that parents of the gifted must endure. No parent wants to aggravate the teacher entrusted with their child's education. No parent wants to be seen as pushy or elitist or demanding. No parent wants their efforts to backfire; teachers are human and might feel angry or hurt, or even take out their frustrations on your child if they suspect that their competence or motives are under attack. </p><p><br /></p><p><i><b>(*For resources related to parenting support, see this link about <a href="https://www.thegiftedparentingjourney.com/" target="_blank">an upcoming workshop</a> listed below.*)</b></i></p><p><br /></p><p>Findings from an online survey I launched in 2022 - with results shared in my <a href="https://www.giftedunlimitedllc.com/store/p77/The_Gifted_Parenting_Journey%3A_A_Guide_to_Self-Discovery_and_Support_for_Families_of_Gifted_Children.html" target="_blank">recent book</a> - confirmed that parents clearly struggle with concerns about their child's school. For example, 60.2% worried "a lot" or "always" about whether their child would receive a meaningful education, whether they were bored or disengaged (59.1%), and whether they would have opportunities to challenge themselves (40.1%). </p><p><br /></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiNzoTqxRvMIPXkBCVc3V0TtbNSCnPP5x9z5PGSXWj5jbzQfbZlA7rkRzQAFiTumVKsJAdeltyYDgmQCYSE47g9YxeIwB54k_csZE4IfxR03Zyqt-vCZ6YzkqH3mU5_Uz65gHiPWUeagu0ZAiZ2SLyCs_5IpHm04d5yqc7OFph4cN9Z42cw0GmwEdNq3A" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="714" data-original-width="983" height="232" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiNzoTqxRvMIPXkBCVc3V0TtbNSCnPP5x9z5PGSXWj5jbzQfbZlA7rkRzQAFiTumVKsJAdeltyYDgmQCYSE47g9YxeIwB54k_csZE4IfxR03Zyqt-vCZ6YzkqH3mU5_Uz65gHiPWUeagu0ZAiZ2SLyCs_5IpHm04d5yqc7OFph4cN9Z42cw0GmwEdNq3A" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br />These findings are consistent with previous research. For example, <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0261429416650948" target="_blank">Renati and colleagues</a> noted that 50% of parents surveyed complained about a lack of school support, and <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/02783199709553847?journalCode=uror20" target="_blank">Alsop</a> reported that less than 20% of parents viewed their child's teacher as helpful. <a href="https://openresearch-repository.anu.edu.au/handle/1885/110543" target="_blank">Rimmlinger</a> also found that one of the greatest identified stressors among parents stemmed from a lack of gifted support available within their child's school.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><p></p><p><br /></p><h3 style="text-align: left;"><b>How can you form a collaborative working relationship with your gifted child's teacher? </b></h3><div><b><br /></b></div><p><b>1. Assume that the teacher is your ally. </b></p><p>Let's face it; teachers don't enter the profession for financial gain! Most embark on their teaching career with enthusiasm and a selfless desire to work with children. Even when they feel burned out, they rise to the occasion and show up each day to teach our kids. Remind yourself of their dedication and positive intentions as you advocate for your gifted or twice-exceptional child's needs. Present yourself as an ally in their efforts; let them know that you appreciate their commitment and hard work understand the limitations consistent with education within a large classroom. When your child's teacher misses the mark, remind yourself that it is not intentional, but perhaps, due to the stressful demands of the classroom or <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2018/08/three-essential-tips-for-teachers-of.html" target="_blank">limited training</a> in gifted education and giftedness.</p><p><br /></p><p><b>2. Avoid using the "boredom" term.</b></p><p>Teachers want their students to feel engaged. In reality, though, meeting the demands of students with diverse cognitive abilities is a monumental challenge. As long as schools adhere to a policy of <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2015/04/why-differentiated-instruction-fails.html" target="_blank">"differentiated instruction"</a> and a refusal to consider <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2017/03/ability-grouping-works-and-is-essential.html" target="_blank">ability grouping</a>, teachers face impossible choices each day. Do they address the unique needs of struggling students, frustrated gifted students, or the majority of neurotypical students within the classroom? As parents, we know that our <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2016/10/boredom-and-gifted-child-challenging.html" target="_blank">gifted children often feel bored</a>, since most teachers cannot easily pivot from their lesson plan to address the faster pace and depth of learning these students crave. But no teacher wants to hear that a student is bored. Instead, share specific complaints, such as how much your child's mind wanders, that they become distracted during specific topics or assignments, or that they rush through homework with little effort.</p><p><br /></p><p><b>3. Share what works at home.</b></p><p>Let your child's teacher know what strategies work best at home. This provides guidance for what also might help within the classroom. Does redirection work? Do creative strategies (e.g., drawing what they feel) provide a beneficial outlet? Does your child need a quick energy break when frustrated? Sometimes, children "hold it together" and display ideal behavior in school, but "meltdown" within the safety of home. Their distress at school may be less apparent; nevertheless, they may show signs of disengagement, such as constant doodling, heads on their desks, or staring out the window. Share the signs you notice at home that precede a full-blown behavioral eruption and the intervention you find works best. </p><p><br /></p><p><b>4. Address behavioral and emotional concerns</b></p><p>If your child is displaying disruptive behaviors within the classroom, more intervention is needed. Behavioral problems and inattention are signs that your child is disengaged - and these behaviors take a toll on their teacher as well. Let the teacher know that you understand how difficult and frustrating this is for them and engage with them as an ally. If your child struggles with <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2019/09/do-gifted-children-struggle-with-anxiety.html" target="_blank">anxiety</a> or <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2018/11/abandoning-perfectionism.html" target="_blank">perfectionism</a> or twice-exceptional concerns, such as ADHD or a learning disability, help the teacher devise strategies for offering support. Sometimes, a guidance counselor or school psychologist can be enlisted to develop a plan and monitor progress, and an IEP (Individualized Education Plan) may be necessary to document the need for additional support. On another note, even if your child is not disruptive, you can mention that behavioral problems might arise if they feel disengaged. This realistic concern might motivate your child's teacher to offer more engaging and challenging assignments.</p><p><br /></p><p><b>5. Offer cost-effective solutions</b></p><p>It's not your job to find budgetary solutions. I know, I know. Many parents of gifted children are weary and resentful about the amount of time spent advocating and figuring out solutions that ideally should come from school administrators. In the gifted parenting survey mentioned earlier, 41% of parents claimed that they felt resentment "a lot" or "always" about the necessity of advocating within the schools. Nevertheless, if you can suggest a cost-effective option, your child's needs may be met more readily. For example, subject or grade <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2020/01/should-you-accelerate-your-gifted-child.html" target="_blank">acceleration</a> options cost nothing. Clustering highly able students together within the classroom when group projects are required is an easy choice. Let the teacher know that you understand the limits of what can be accomplished in a given day and that you are there to suggest as many easy and inexpensive options as possible.</p><p><br /></p><p>Of course, even with the best of intentions, sometimes communications break down. If you reach an impasse, it may be time to speak with the gifted supervisor, the director of special education, a guidance counselor, the principal, or administrators and school board members. But working with your child's teacher first is ideal - <i>and</i> less time intensive for you. And don't forget to enlist support from family, friends, and others who advocate for the gifted as you venture forth in your advocacy efforts.</p><p><br /></p><p>Here are a few related articles:</p><p><a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2022/10/gifted-education-why-is-it-still-so.html" target="_blank">Gifted education: Why is it so controversial?</a></p><p><a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2018/08/three-essential-tips-for-teachers-of.html" target="_blank">Three essential tips for teachers of gifted children</a></p><p><a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2016/03/25-signs-your-gifted-child-is.html" target="_blank">25 signs your gifted child is misunderstood at school</a></p><p><a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2014/02/six-tips-for-communicating-with-your.html" target="_blank">Six tips for communicating with your gifted child's teacher</a></p><p><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; font-family: "Open Sans"; font-size: 17.6px;"><i>If you are the parent of a gifted or twice-exceptional child, <b>please consider joining an interactive, supportive online workshop series starting soon</b> that addresses the challenges parents face, with concepts applied from my book, <a href="https://www.giftedunlimitedllc.com/store/p77/The_Gifted_Parenting_Journey%3A_A_Guide_to_Self-Discovery_and_Support_for_Families_of_Gifted_Children.html" style="color: #2282b2; text-decoration-line: none;" target="_blank">The Gifted Parenting Journey</a>.</i></p><p style="background-color: white; font-family: "Open Sans"; font-size: 17.6px;"><b>Workshop information can be found here: <a href="https://www.thegiftedparentingjourney.com/" style="color: #2282b2; text-decoration-line: none;">https://www.thegiftedparentingjourney.com/</a>.</b></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Gail Post, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/01482577821092891593noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6702344196398061245.post-67268072076968095272023-03-21T11:00:00.001-04:002023-03-21T11:00:00.248-04:00Parenting with courage<p><br /></p><p>Much of parenting requires courage: a leap of faith, flying without radar, and a journey fraught with uncertainty. We are thrown into this amazing parenting experience with no preparation. Regardless of past babysitting gigs or the many childraising manuals we devour, parenting comes as a rude awakening. </p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgq5o_cvZiB90DDdErYN5qVQ84bQkvKYiXr2kd5IOV5XqnWgSWvZZkKNvZPNKkfTrCkEOp7VHxOH93r1HZo8c_bSnBh6_XL4Dz96urH8Dtmx1muAWXyiLZ8LPWDcVAWViN8NQd3kwZdHRqrXWUkMfhWbKDYAx-8dAXdVAKPn9t9Cw7AbrWTkaz06DX0kg/s424/Fotolia_200068843_XS.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="283" data-original-width="424" height="214" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgq5o_cvZiB90DDdErYN5qVQ84bQkvKYiXr2kd5IOV5XqnWgSWvZZkKNvZPNKkfTrCkEOp7VHxOH93r1HZo8c_bSnBh6_XL4Dz96urH8Dtmx1muAWXyiLZ8LPWDcVAWViN8NQd3kwZdHRqrXWUkMfhWbKDYAx-8dAXdVAKPn9t9Cw7AbrWTkaz06DX0kg/s320/Fotolia_200068843_XS.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p><p>Suddenly, we become a parent - instantly navigating both the intense joys and daily demands of parenthood. Few other tasks in life come without training and experience. We don't waltz into the DMV and receive a driver's license without months of driving practice. We don't become a CEO or expert mechanic or take the bar exam without hours and even years of preparation. Experience and training are key. </p><p><br /></p><p>Yet, nothing fully prepares us for parenting. We might think we're ready. We take childbirth preparation classes... but they barely mitigate what we endure during labor. We devour articles about childraising and discipline and educational options. We talk to friends and experts and our relatives - and our head spins from their varied, conflicting, and insistent advice. We harbor questions and doubts. Uncertainty is the norm.</p><p><br /></p><p>Courage is required. It involves a compassionate acknowledgment that the task is monumental and unprecedented for <i>each one of us</i>. Yes, childrearing is part of the human condition and nothing new. But it is a new awakening<i> every time </i>someone becomes a parent. Our courage lets us forge ahead and trust ourselves to manage every new challenge, every developmental milestone, and every stressful demand. Even when we function on autopilot after three hours of sleep, part of us knows that we are doing something right. Each step along the way in our child's development brings a sigh of relief, but also a sense of loss; we cannot hold onto their younger selves and must accept the inevitable progression toward adulthood.</p><p><br /></p><p>We all have our limits and fears. What is simple or fun for someone else might be terrifying for you. What you grasp easily might be impossible for another. As a psychologist, I have witnessed a litany of fears and impasses. Some people engage in highly courageous acts, yet struggle with behaviors that might seem easy for others. I once worked with a family where the father was a fighter pilot with several dangerous missions under his belt. Yet, he could not muster the courage to tell his wife or children that he loved them; that particular level of vulnerability was just too threatening. Parenting evokes the same challenges; each of us is different and <i>must enlist our courage to face what we find the most difficult.</i></p><p><br /></p><h2 style="text-align: left;"><b>What is courageous parenting?</b></h2><div><b><br /></b></div><p><b>1. The courage to trust ourselves.</b> We know this is all new. Yet, we dig deep and trust that we will figure it out. This means tolerating uncertainty and discomfort and even some panic. We see how much our child trusts us and learn that our steady, reassuring love will guide them, even when we behave imperfectly and feel uncertain or lost. </p><p><br /></p><p><b>2. The courage to wait. </b>We develop patience. We know that we sometimes must defer our needs and wishes. We go without sleep. We restrain our anger - even (<i>especially</i>) when we want to yell or even <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2019/07/never-spank-your-child-and-heres-why.html" target="_blank">spank our child</a>. We turn down party invitations because the babysitter quit. We sometimes put our careers on hold. We know that sleep, socializing, sex, career advancement, glorious vacations, or that kitchen remodel will have to wait for another time. We see the big picture and know when we must defer our own needs. </p><p><br /></p><p><b>3. The courage to stay.</b> Sometimes we want to leave. It feels like too much to handle and we feel trapped. We may be angry at a partner or struggle financially or feel enraged over our child's refusal to cooperate. But we hang in there. We don't abandon ship. We don't leave... even though sometimes we want to.</p><p><br /></p><p><b>4. The courage to find support.</b> It takes courage to ask for help. Childcare manuals and YouTube videos only go so far. Sometimes, we need additional guidance, advice, and support. A hug, a friend who truly listens (without adding advice), a neighbor's commiseration that their child also struggles - all provide the support we need. Advice from a professional (e.g., a trusted teacher, pediatrician, spiritual leader, or <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2017/05/a-gifted-persons-guide-to-therapy.html" target="_blank">mental health therapist</a>) can provide reassurance and guidance when we hit a roadblock.</p><p><br /></p><p>Keep in mind that parenting is a daunting and wild ride. Enjoy it. Savor it. Rant and scream about it. But honor your own courage as you embrace this wondrous parenting experience.</p><p><br /></p><p><b>If you are the parent of a gifted or twice-exceptional child, please consider joining an interactive, supportive online workshop series starting soon that addresses the challenges parents face, with concepts applied from my book, <a href="https://www.giftedunlimitedllc.com/store/p77/The_Gifted_Parenting_Journey%3A_A_Guide_to_Self-Discovery_and_Support_for_Families_of_Gifted_Children.html" target="_blank"><i>The Gifted Parenting Journey</i></a>.</b></p><p><b>Workshop information can be found here: <a href="https://www.thegiftedparentingjourney.com/">https://www.thegiftedparentingjourney.com/</a>.</b></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p> </p>Gail Post, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/01482577821092891593noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6702344196398061245.post-29442416138007316212023-03-09T17:57:00.004-05:002023-03-12T10:06:45.627-04:00Women, success, and harnessing inherent strengths - an update<p><br /></p><p>Currently, there are 25 women serving in the US Senate - but only 59 have achieved this status, <i>ever. </i>While women make up 46% of the workforce, <a href="https://www.shrm.org/executive/resources/pages/women-fortune-500-2023.aspx#:~:text=This%20month%2C%20for%20the%20first,over%20the%20long%2Dawaited%20threshold." target="_blank">only 10%</a> are CEOs of Fortune 500 companies, which is considered an all-time high. And while the benchmark of power or financial achievement should never define an individual's success, the discrepancy between the sexes in these roles is still striking.</p><div><div><br /></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZ7IevBaSdXj-ILVTXih8qabEBxBkY3upvA6IRUcon2mRjgDg9HsosLchNQUgPGcwS91JKTGEZs2Wo0hcCJVlM8_qsiY9vLYCfj8KvQhBm3ZbTqLhHGyaTP7j2UASAAa9wAwK4aEVyiE0-BIoE3xHB4WMpsRGIM8iRMeEe3-SZi72N5uqDmeEF_VIE-Q/s6505/shutterstock_2140245925.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4110" data-original-width="6505" height="202" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZ7IevBaSdXj-ILVTXih8qabEBxBkY3upvA6IRUcon2mRjgDg9HsosLchNQUgPGcwS91JKTGEZs2Wo0hcCJVlM8_qsiY9vLYCfj8KvQhBm3ZbTqLhHGyaTP7j2UASAAa9wAwK4aEVyiE0-BIoE3xHB4WMpsRGIM8iRMeEe3-SZi72N5uqDmeEF_VIE-Q/s320/shutterstock_2140245925.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div>It is National Women's History Month, and perhaps, time to revisit the disparities related to women's success in male-dominated fields. </div><div><br /><div><br /><div>Both of the figures listed above reflect an increase from 2016 when I originally wrote this article. At that time, only 31 women had ever served in the US Senate, and only 5% of Fortune 500 company CEOs were women. Yes, this may seem like an upsurge in representation, but it is still small compared to male dominance. The <a href="https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2023/03/01/gender-pay-gap-facts/#:~:text=The%20U.S.%20Census%20Bureau%20has,Census%20Bureau's%20most%20recent%20analysis." target="_blank">gender pay gap</a> has remained stable at 84 cents to a dollar. And women are still typically <a href="https://www.catalyst.org/research/women-in-science-technology-engineering-and-mathematics-stem/#:~:text=In%202021%2C%20women%20accounted%20for,applied%20sciences%20and%20related%20occupations." target="_blank">underrepresented in all STEM fields</a>, compromising 34% of the US job force, with only 16% in Engineering and 26% in Computer Science fields. The numbers are even more discouraging for women of color, with only Asian women (6.5%), Black women (1.8%), Latinas (2.4%), and Native American/Alaskan Native women (0.1%) working in STEM fields.</div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><b>Social/cultural pressure and sexism notwithstanding, what is puzzling about this gender gap in positions of power and "traditional" success, is that girls typically surpass boys in their early development:<br /></b><br /><br /><ul><li>Compared to boys, girls demonstrate more advanced verbal and fine-motor skills and a longer attention span. They develop organizational and attentional skills at an earlier age, and their reading and writing abilities surpass those of boys, on average, by 1 1/2 years.</li></ul><br /><ul><li>Girls also typically exhibit better social skills, including greater relational skills, patience, cooperativeness, and empathy.</li></ul><br /><ul><li>Girls excel throughout elementary school, often surpassing boys on most measures of academic success. Confident and curious, they approach learning with passion and drive.</li></ul><br />Yet, pre-teen girls often lose confidence in <a href="http://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2015/05/difficult-passage-gifted-girls-in.html" target="_blank">middle school</a>, that confluence of drama, social pressure, and self-scrutiny. Peer influences, cultural messages demanding conformity, and interest in boys have a powerful effect on self-esteem. Gifted and high-achieving girls have a particularly difficult time, as standing out as "brainy" and smart can limit social acceptance. Many bright girls learn to hide their talents so that they can fit in. However, <a href="http://www.salon.com/2015/01/03/teen_girls_have_different_brains_gender_neuroscience_and_the_truth_about_adolescence/" target="_blank">hormonal and brain differences</a> also may play a role in limiting risk-taking and contributing to a tendency toward overthinking and indecision.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><b><i>Many of us retain that middle school sense of self, but we don't have to act on those perceptions.</i></b></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Highly competent, socially mature, and capable of handling multiple tasks, girls still frequently hold themselves back. Gifted girls who are emotionally <a href="https://www.blogger.com/blog/post/edit/6702344196398061245/8828101186221492372" target="_blank">intense</a>, highly sensitive, and sometimes even <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2018/11/abandonig-perfectionism.html" target="_blank">perfectionistic</a>, may be especially vulnerable to the self-criticism and anxiety that emerges - and which <a href="http://talentdevelop.com/articles/InternalBar.html" target="_blank">may last long past middle school</a>. And those girls who identify as non-binary and are discovering how they define their identity struggle even more, especially in environments that dismiss their differences. As young women mature, it is particularly important to dispel negative middle school assumptions about themselves. </div><div><br /></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div><b>What can girls and women do about this dilemma?</b></div><div><b><br /></b><br /><b>1. View these biological influences as strengths - not weaknesses. </b> Tendencies toward caution, and self-scrutiny, in their most positive form, can be aspects of <a href="https://www.ets.org/s/workforce_readiness/pdf/21334_big_5.pdf" target="_blank">conscientiousness</a> - the variable most consistently associated with academic staying power. Highly focused, conscientious girls are more organized, diligent, and determined, and get the job done.</div><div><br /><br /><b>2. Embrace the <a href="http://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2010-02-16/women-leaders-the-hard-truth-about-soft-skillsbusinessweek-business-news-stock-market-and-financial-advice" target="_blank">collaborative</a>, cooperative nature of women's relational strengths. </b>More and more businesses are recognizing that a collaborative, team approach achieves faster results than an individual-centric one. Women excel at forming relationships; they see the big picture and recognize that motivation stems from commitment and challenge, that <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2018/05/gifted-adults-embracing-complexity.html" target="_blank">complexity is a strength</a>, and that empathy will get you farther than harsh demands. </div><div><br /><br /><b>3. Work to eliminate fears when they affect self-esteem and success.</b> If <a href="http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2014/05/the-confidence-gap/359815/" target="_blank">chronic self-doubt</a> or fear of taking risks interfere with progress or personal well-being, it is time to seek help to eliminate the problem. Women are often less likely to ask for a raise or promotion than men. They need to reconsider their standards and consider when they are entitled to better treatment. Self-scrutiny, worry and hesitation may be common, but can be changed. Consider finding support from a mentor, supervisor, or trusted peers. And sometimes, <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2017/05/a-gifted-persons-guide-to-therapy.html" target="_blank">counseling</a> with a licensed mental health professional can help to eliminate remnants of self-doubt and uncertainty.</div><div><br /></div></div></div></div>Gail Post, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/01482577821092891593noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6702344196398061245.post-80501219013269643112023-02-20T15:58:00.006-05:002024-02-26T12:16:38.896-05:00Eating disorders among the gifted: Are they more at risk?<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div>The convergence of giftedness and eating struggles is like a perfect storm. Gifted individuals, with their propensity toward overthinking, perfectionism, heightened sensitivities, and overexcitabilities may be at risk for <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2016/02/why-do-smart-girls-develop-eating_22.html" target="_blank">developing eating disorders.</a> Young women <i>and</i> men are bombarded with societal messages that idealize thinness and muscularity, an even more difficult challenge in a world where foods high in sugar, simple carbohydrates, salt, and fats are so readily available.<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOMmzbNHuSIIECYjOSQ3c1wGUw7vgZUzvw_bnoKP4Ia6pYxMt_TwSEQIQ4QDAoJpKypvoZSBU1Vxhg5n-7HI0pfp5ay5G4CYCJf8jeyTBRW3_ab62UqKfdiJpnGRd0CL9SBycFFMZIeyQzZcd0Ht6Fy0eLcYuYM0_cgc-TqYcIQUYsHQ1eqlfqA4X7rA/s516/Fotolia_85879235_Subscription_Monthly_M%20(3).jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="516" data-original-width="446" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOMmzbNHuSIIECYjOSQ3c1wGUw7vgZUzvw_bnoKP4Ia6pYxMt_TwSEQIQ4QDAoJpKypvoZSBU1Vxhg5n-7HI0pfp5ay5G4CYCJf8jeyTBRW3_ab62UqKfdiJpnGRd0CL9SBycFFMZIeyQzZcd0Ht6Fy0eLcYuYM0_cgc-TqYcIQUYsHQ1eqlfqA4X7rA/s320/Fotolia_85879235_Subscription_Monthly_M%20(3).jpg" width="277" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div>The list of what triggers eating-disordered behaviors is long, and a full overview is beyond the scope of this brief article. However, some known risk factors include <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0005796711001306" target="_blank">depression</a>, <a href="https://acamh.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/jcpp.12984" target="_blank">anxiety</a>, <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/obr.13173" target="_blank">dieting</a>, <a href="https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11920-017-0806-6" target="_blank">trauma</a>, <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/eat.22270" target="_blank">body image dissatisfaction</a>, an <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1002/eat.22094" target="_blank">idealization of thinness, peer influences</a>, and <a href="https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyt.2022.908926/full#B21" target="_blank">perfectionism</a>. <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26095891/" target="_blank">Culbert and colleagues</a>, for example, used a biopsychosocial model as a lens for understanding these triggers. In their review of the literature, they summarized that eating-disordered symptoms are more likely to arise when personality traits of negative emotionality (anxiety, sadness, anger, and mood swings), perfectionism, and "negative urgency" (a tendency to act impulsively when distressed) are combined with sociocultural pressures and an idealization of thinness. <p></p><p><br /></p><p>Despite an upsurge in research over the past 30 years, it is not always clear why some individuals - <i>even </i>those with predisposing traits, such as perfectionism or anxiety - develop an eating disorder and others do not. </p><p><br /></p><p>Many investigations of eating disordered symptoms are qualitative. Many use a small sample size. A wide range of populations have been studied (ranging from high school students to clinical populations within treatment settings), and some research includes "disordered eating" (rather than clearly defined diagnoses), complicating any comparisons across studies. And hallmark features of anorexia nervosa, such as rigid and controlling behaviors, are difficult to compare with characteristics of impulsivity and emotional dysregulation commonly found in bulimia nervosa or binge eating disorder. In fact, a <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/1098-108X(198711)6:6%3C757::AID-EAT2260060609%3E3.0.CO;2-B" target="_blank">study</a> (based on my dissertation - yes, a gazillion years ago!), found significant differences <i>even</i> among subtypes of bulimic adolescents.</p><p><br /></p><h3 style="text-align: left;"><b>Are gifted individuals <i>more</i> at risk for developing an eating disorder? </b></h3><p><br /></p><p>The overlap between traits seen among the gifted and those with eating disorders is striking, even though most gifted people do not develop an eating disorder. In my clinical practice, I have specialized in eating disorders as well as giftedness, and have seen clients struggling with eating disorders or obesity in residential, inpatient, outpatient, and private practice settings. Most of these clients were exceptionally bright and likely gifted - something not necessarily as common among other mental health conditions. </p><p><br /></p><p>It makes sense that gifted overthinkers, individuals with perfectionistic strivings, and those with low self-esteem and harsh self-expectations might develop an eating disorder. It also seems reasonable to assume that highly sensitive gifted individuals or those struggling with emotional dysregulation and the challenges of impulsivity or ADHD might gravitate toward eating-disordered behaviors in an unhealthy attempt to regulate their strong emotions. </p><p><br /></p><p>Yet, very little research has been conducted that might lend support (or refute) the assumption that eating disorders are prevalent among the gifted. </p><p><br /></p><p>Recently, though, <a href="http://www.scholink.org/ojs/index.php/ct/article/view/3675" target="_blank">Beiser and Gillespie</a> studied a group of gifted teens in the US and reported that 20% admitted to negative body image and problematic eating behaviors. However, a national poll of adolescents found that approximately two-thirds of teens experience body image concerns (although the criteria used to define eating dysregulation or body image concerns differs across these studies, making any comparison difficult). Studies of eating disorders and high achievers (not necessarily gifted, but there may be some overlap here with gifted students) have identified predictors such as <a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/02783193.2018.1501783" target="_blank">stressful life events and academic stress</a>, There is also an association between eating disorders and <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/27693587/" target="_blank">ADHD</a> (common among twice-exceptional individuals), as highlighted in a recent ADDitude <a href="https://www.additudemag.com/eating-disorders-teens-adhd-signs-recovery-body-image/?goal=0_a767e6fc3c-2522b89d6d-293240865&utm_source=pocket_saves" target="_blank">article</a>. Again, it seems clear that further investigation of an association between giftedness and eating disorders is needed.</p><p><br /></p><h3 style="text-align: left;"><b>What you can do</b></h3><div><b><br /></b></div><p>If you or your child are struggling with an eating disorder, compulsive overeating, restrictive eating, orthorexia (a preoccupation with only eating "healthy" foods), compulsive exercising, or anxiety about body image, seeking support is the first step. This is National Eating Disorders Awareness Week - designed to highlight the challenges faced by individuals with eating disorders and the importance of finding help when needed. More information about the causes of eating disorders and available treatment can be found on the <a href="https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/help-support/contact-helpline" target="_blank">NEDA</a> and <a href="https://anad.org/" target="_blank">ANAD</a> websites. </p><p><br /></p><p>Psychotherapy with a licensed mental health professional (see <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2017/05/a-gifted-persons-guide-to-therapy.html" target="_blank">this guide</a> about what to expect) and counseling with a registered dietitian who specializes in eating disorders is essential. Steer clear of advice from a personal coach or unlicensed nutritionist or fitness trainer who lack training in the field and may offer advice that could worsen the condition. For example, dietary "cures" sometimes touted by those untrained with eating disorders can backfire and add fuel to the fire. Family involvement is also necessary to treat the problem, along with group support and medical monitoring. Both addressing the underlying cause <i>and</i> taking active behavioral steps to change are essential. The sooner the problems are addressed, the easier the path to recovery. </p><p><br /></p>** <b>For more insights about parenting gifted children, please see my book, </b><i><b>The Gifted Parenting Journey.</b> </i>Available through the <a href="https://www.giftedunlimitedllc.com/store/p77/The_Gifted_Parenting_Journey%3A_A_Guide_to_Self-Discovery_and_Support_for_Families_of_Gifted_Children_%28pre-order_10%2F5%2F22_release_date%29.html" target="_blank">publisher</a> and the usual <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Gifted-Parenting-Journey-Self-Discovery-Families/dp/1953360157/ref=sr_1_1?crid=N3EBUANXWDP8&keywords=gifted+parenting+journey&qid=1666365293&qu=eyJxc2MiOiIwLjAwIiwicXNhIjoiMC4wMCIsInFzcCI6IjAuMDAifQ%3D%3D&sprefix=%2Caps%2C224&sr=8-1" target="_blank">bookseller sites</a>, this book ad<span style="line-height: 17.12px;">dresses a previously neglected topic in the literature: the needs and emotional life of parents of gifted children.<b> For more information about this book, snippets from editorial reviews, and upcoming workshops and book events, please see this <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/p/new-book.html" target="_blank">link</a></b>.**</span><br /><p><br /></p>Gail Post, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/01482577821092891593noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6702344196398061245.post-1399932296848962372023-02-05T09:29:00.008-05:002023-02-06T15:50:29.538-05:00Parenting decisions: Good for you... or good for your child?<p><br />Parenting can be hard. And raising a gifted child creates dilemmas other parents may not face. Your child's quicksilver mind, expectations of fairness, need for logic, and heightened <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2015/09/supporting-your-emotionally-excitable.html" target="_blank">sensitivity</a> create a quandary when it comes to decisions. Asynchronous development, <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2022/05/whats-so-bad-about-intensity.html" target="_blank">intensity</a>, and twice-exceptional conditions cloud the picture even further. Most of us muddle through as best we can.**</p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgOfyMORCJeq6RPV1a-_bLKZMOUDsTgwQXob_3VkRebnX1wxaefV1DokeL09dxAdxgRe2Looq_8t8SDuodFCc3oe22izb2fGOSw-slAi6iqNr0YgwXKbcB3l54RvY-1DlO0LoSpK2f7apw2esrR8X7PjTOv81yUEdPLnx05a4ObADQKeae9Rji3Sixiw/s1688/Fotolia_60060895_Subscription_Monthly_M.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1125" data-original-width="1688" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgOfyMORCJeq6RPV1a-_bLKZMOUDsTgwQXob_3VkRebnX1wxaefV1DokeL09dxAdxgRe2Looq_8t8SDuodFCc3oe22izb2fGOSw-slAi6iqNr0YgwXKbcB3l54RvY-1DlO0LoSpK2f7apw2esrR8X7PjTOv81yUEdPLnx05a4ObADQKeae9Rji3Sixiw/s320/Fotolia_60060895_Subscription_Monthly_M.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><b><i>But here is the tough question: </i></b><p></p><p><b>How can we, as parents, determine whether our parenting decisions are truly in the best interests of our child - or if they merely benefit us personally? </b></p><p><b><br /></b></p><p>Let me clarify. I am <i>not </i>referring to any of the following:<br /></p><p></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Clear and necessary choices related to safety or finances or basic respect for others (such as refusing to let your child attend a sleepover unsupervised, or asking your teen to consider colleges that offer financial aid, or insisting that your child make amends when they have wronged someone). </li></ul><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Expectations that benefit the child<i> and</i> the family (such as insisting that they complete their chores or participating in a summer activity or camp - which allows both parents to work throughout the summer).</li></ul><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Taking time for yourself and setting boundaries and limits (such as creating downtime for yourself in the evening, insisting on that much-needed date night out, or setting limits on the decibels of noise you can tolerate in your home).</li></ul><div><br /></div><p></p><p><b>But sometimes, decisions that might seem tailored toward your child's best interests create unanticipated problems.</b> Often, such decisions are driven by anxiety, uncertainty, or sincere efforts to protect your child... but they end up backfiring. How can we ensure that our complicated, difficult, perplexing, and uncertain decisions best serve our child's needs and are not merely based on our own? </p><p><br /></p><h2 style="text-align: left;"><b>We can start this process with self-reflection and ask ourselves several key questions:</b></h2><p><br /></p><p>1. Will my attempts to help and protect my child create an environment of safety and support, help to increase their confidence and independence, and support their capacity for <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2021/03/building-resilience-strategies-to.html" target="_blank">resilience</a> in other situations? Or will my involvement inadvertently convey that doubt about their abilities, thwart their healthy drive for autonomy, or create an unhealthy dependency on our family? </p><p></p><blockquote><i>Kayla and Jesse* were anxious about their daughter leaving for college. They were not worried about drugs or alcohol as much as her vulnerability living so far from home for the first time. And of course, they knew they would miss her. They told her they trusted her, but insisted that she must call them every day. She resisted at first, but also knew that her parents' anxiety would increase if she didn't comply with their expectations. She internalized their anxiety and doubts and started to worry that perhaps she would not be able to handle college life so far from home.</i></blockquote><p></p><p><br /></p><p>2. Are my reactions and decisions based on my own anxiety and personal history? Can I distinguish my own wishes and goals for my child from what they truly need?</p><p></p><blockquote><i>Mara and Tim knew that their gifted teen had tremendous potential. Their families never encouraged them to try hard and were uninvolved in their academic choices. As a result, they wanted to ensure that their son push himself to reach his academic potential. They insisted that he take as many AP classes as possible and participate in both an afterschool sport and a club. He felt pressured and angry, but they insisted that he continue, and even threatened to restrict social activities if he did not follow through. He started to withdraw and rebel, and ended up failing two of his classes. </i></blockquote><p></p><p><br /></p><p>3. How do I determine when I <i>must</i> become involved from those times when I need to let my child struggle and accept natural consequences? Can I remain attuned enough to my child's current needs - and consider their developmental level and emotional capacity to take on challenges? Can I recognize when my involvement or interventions provide temporary relief (from my own anxiety as well as my child's) but interfere with building a foundation for their future problem-solving abilities, resilience, confidence, and burgeoning independence?</p><p></p><blockquote><i>Rebecca and Kevin were frustrated with their son's reluctance to complete his homework. They were diligent about sitting with him every evening to ensure that he followed through on assignments. They answered questions about his homework to "help" him along, rather than insisting that he give the math problem another try, or take the time to look up information for a science project. They checked over his writing and even helped rewrite some of his papers. They wanted him to succeed, feel good about himself, and wanted to ensure that he received good grades - unaware that their "help" was contributing to his reluctance to try harder. As a result, he learned to doubt his abilities and refused to attempt difficult or challenging schoolwork.</i></blockquote><p></p><p><br /></p><p>What went awry for the families mentioned in the examples above? They clearly love their children and want the best for them. But their attempts to shield them from failure or risks backfired and contributed to unexpected and negative outcomes. One of our greatest challenges as parents involves learning when to intervene and when to hold back. This might mean restraining ourselves from getting involved, allowing our child to fail, containing our own anxiety and expectations, and recognizing when our involvement temporarily relieves our anxiety but interferes with our child's capacity to learn new skills and face unpleasant challenges.</p><p><br /></p><h2 style="text-align: left;"><b>The challenges inherent in "normal" development</b></h2><p><br /></p><p>Children struggle and careen from a desire for your comforting guidance to a drive toward autonomy. When my three-year-old tussled with a stuck toy and wailed, <i>"I need your help, but I want to do it all by myself!" </i><i> </i>his reaction epitomized a universal desire for both support and independence. It is often confusing for parents, as we navigate each situation and yet try to stay grounded in our values and goals. We obviously hold different expectations for our child of five than for our fifteen-year-old. It is a part of normal development when our two-year-old shouts "no," our middle-schooler rejects our political views, or our teen refuses to share the details of their social life. We may not like it, but such behaviors are normative and allow our child to assert their independence. </p><p><br /></p><p><b>The next time you leap in to assist your child or insist on their compliance, ask yourself the following:</b></p><p></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Is this what my child needs at<i> </i>this given moment in time?</li></ul><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Is this essential to their long-term development? </li></ul><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Are my expectations based on my child's abilities, temperament, and developmental level?</li></ul><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Are my reactions driven by my own uncertainty, anxiety, or influences from others?</li></ul><p></p><p><br /></p><p>Sometimes we must intervene to prevent or remove our child from a physically unsafe or emotionally abusive situation. But most of the time, decisions are not so clear-cut. Each child is different, of course, but the more we feel grounded in our parenting values and goals, can rein in our anxiety and worries, and consider our child's unique strengths and challenges, the more we help them develop into the confident, independent, and kind young adult we hope they will become. Ideally, we can respond based on clarity about acceptable behaviors, maintain some flexibility based on the situation at hand, and remain grounded in an appreciation of our own personal worries and goals for our child. </p><p><br /></p><p>*Names were changed to protect privacy and confidentiality</p><p><br /></p><p>** <b>For more insights about parenting gifted children, please see my new book, </b><i><b>The Gifted Parenting Journey.</b> </i>Available through the <a href="https://www.giftedunlimitedllc.com/store/p77/The_Gifted_Parenting_Journey%3A_A_Guide_to_Self-Discovery_and_Support_for_Families_of_Gifted_Children_%28pre-order_10%2F5%2F22_release_date%29.html" target="_blank">publisher</a> and the usual <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Gifted-Parenting-Journey-Self-Discovery-Families/dp/1953360157/ref=sr_1_1?crid=N3EBUANXWDP8&keywords=gifted+parenting+journey&qid=1666365293&qu=eyJxc2MiOiIwLjAwIiwicXNhIjoiMC4wMCIsInFzcCI6IjAuMDAifQ%3D%3D&sprefix=%2Caps%2C224&sr=8-1" target="_blank">bookseller sites</a>, this book ad<span style="line-height: 17.12px;">dresses a previously neglected topic in the literature: the needs and emotional life of parents of gifted children.<b> For more information about this book, snippets from editorial reviews, and upcoming workshops and book events, please see this <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/p/new-book.html" target="_blank">link</a></b>.**</span></p><p><br /></p>Gail Post, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/01482577821092891593noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6702344196398061245.post-40501104045009110782023-01-11T13:22:00.000-05:002023-01-11T13:22:07.220-05:00Ten years later: What has changed; what remains the same in gifted education<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg32U7wvnb3Sv3iEouTjJ-IWneXloTGQAbbCTFsRrAgraLJAKUQ37d7TWJDi33O4f8aNE7o9LCciqynn6wF7j3Z4jpPWzNABAKp5_5tz25Uh7-5RJ_3kdGXIEFRyBGQLawtO6FxiDL-zBDI6EJ0jkuZA9vyWBPiHnMVyWLeDXIEcVoNze6Oa9e97_NXSQ/s2400/Shutterstock%2010%20year%20celebration%20image.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2102" data-original-width="2400" height="280" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg32U7wvnb3Sv3iEouTjJ-IWneXloTGQAbbCTFsRrAgraLJAKUQ37d7TWJDi33O4f8aNE7o9LCciqynn6wF7j3Z4jpPWzNABAKp5_5tz25Uh7-5RJ_3kdGXIEFRyBGQLawtO6FxiDL-zBDI6EJ0jkuZA9vyWBPiHnMVyWLeDXIEcVoNze6Oa9e97_NXSQ/w320-h280/Shutterstock%2010%20year%20celebration%20image.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>When I launched this blog in January 2013, I never imagined it would last. Ten years ago, my youngest child was approaching high school graduation, and my involvement as co-chair of a gifted parents advocacy group was winding down. Yet, my interest in advocating for the gifted extended beyond my own experience with my children's education. I found that writing - through this blog and other platforms - provided an outlet for advocating, sharing information, and expressing my concerns. Rather than a personal blog or one describing my children's trajectory, Gifted Challenges became a vehicle for confronting misperceptions about giftedness, voicing my opinions, and disseminating and sometimes critiquing information found online. <p></p><p><br /></p><h3 style="text-align: left;"><b>What has changed in ten years?</b></h3><p>Over these past ten years, there has been some gradual progress in how the gifted are perceived and how gifted education is implemented. We have seen an explosion of awareness about neurodiversity, <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0016986214534976" target="_blank">twice-exceptionalities</a>, and the social/emotional needs of the gifted. Many in the field have championed the necessity of <a href="https://www.pnas.org/doi/10.1073/pnas.1605043113" target="_blank">universal screening</a> for giftedness, identifying gifted Black, Hispanic, Indigenous, inner city, and rural children who are often ignored, addressing the <a href="https://www.nagc.org/sites/default/files/key%20reports/Talent%20on%20the%20Sidelines%20(2013).pdf" target="_blank">excellence gap</a>, and acquiring accurate diagnoses of conditions such as autism, ADHD, or sensory processing disorders. Adults who previously doubted their own giftedness are learning to acknowledge their strengths and <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Gifted-Parenting-Journey-Self-Discovery-Families/dp/1953360157/ref=sr_1_1?crid=20C5O1NZ811B&keywords=gifted+parenting+journey&qid=1671500861&sprefix=%2Caps%2C111&sr=8-1" target="_blank">parents of the gifted</a> are admitting to the stressors and worries so unique to their family dynamics. Given the variety of new platforms, such as webinars and podcasts that disseminate information and opinions directly to the consumer, it would seem that <i>finally, </i>more information is readily available regarding life as gifted.</p><p><br /></p><p>Nevertheless, much remains the same in gifted world. Legal mandates safeguarding gifted education are non-existent in many US States. Even within those States where gifted accommodations are mandated, service delivery is often haphazard and limited. Antiquated views of flexible <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2017/03/ability-grouping-works-and-is-essential.html" target="_blank">ability grouping</a>, <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2020/01/should-you-accelerate-your-gifted-child.html" target="_blank">acceleration</a>, or the social/emotional needs of gifted children persist. The G-word remains <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2018/01/lets-get-real-about-gifted-kids.html" target="_blank">misunderstood</a>; rather than acknowledging that "gifted" is a diagnostic label, the term is a projection screen for misinterpretation and stereotyping. Claims pronouncing that <a href="https://crushingtallpoppies.com/2014/03/19/no-for-the-last-time-every-child-is-not-gifted/" target="_blank">everyone is gifted</a> or that giftedness is a choice, or that it is an <a href="https://edcircuit.com/gifted-programs-elitist/" target="_blank">elitist</a> construct are the subject of endless online debates and discourse within just about every school community. Yet, this imperfect "gifted" label is what we have (and are stuck with) right now, and it is up to us as parents, educators, and other professionals to educate the public about this diagnostic term.</p><p><br /></p><p>Of course, the world at large has confronted us with many disturbing events - with negative effects on our sensitive gifted children's well-being (<i>and our own</i>). The Pandemic has altered us in fundamental ways not even yet fully appreciated. Politics and social media have become divisive and inflammatory; our right to free speech is all too frequently co-opted with misinformation, lies, and hateful commentary. Gun violence is rampant in many impoverished neighborhoods and now surpasses motor vehicle accidents as the leading cause of death among children. Students routinely practice active shooter drills, with the disturbing awareness that mass shootings can happen anywhere. Books are banned. Threats related to climate change affect us all. And a culture of anti-intellectualism and anti-science has flourished. Anxiety, disenfranchisement, and a distorted embrace of rugged individualism (fueled by the anonymity of social media and supported by some public figures) have amplified pre-existing elements of bigotry, racism, antisemitism, genderphobia, and anti-immigrant sentiment.</p><p><br /></p><h3 style="text-align: left;"><b>Despite these challenges, there is cause for hope! </b></h3><p>Although we cannot fully shield our children and teens from widely disseminated information (sometimes hastening an unwelcome level of pseudo-maturity), their increased awareness of the world around them also engenders greater wisdom and maturity. This explosion in knowledge can be a positive influence <i>if we guide them</i>, answer their questions, and instill values that frame and support healthy attitudes. Many young people possess an astounding level of optimism and wisdom as they combat social, political, and environmental challenges. Gifted children, in particular, have the potential to impact the future; their empathy, passion for social justice, and keen sense of logic can help transform the world as we know it. If we can supply them with an emotionally secure, socially supportive, and academically challenging childhood, our gifted children will flourish.</p><p><br /></p><h3 style="text-align: left;"><b>On a personal note</b></h3><p>I don't usually broadcast my personal life in this blog, but will share a few of the changes I have experienced over the past ten years. I have witnessed my children's initial launch toward college - and then, their second launch as they pursued graduate education and engaging careers. I continue to work as a clinical psychologist, and now have options for providing telehealth in over 30 US States due to <a href="https://psypact.org/page/psypactmap" target="_blank">PSYPACT legislation</a>. I have expanded my <a href="https://www.gailpost.com/" target="_blank">psychotherapy practice</a> to include <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/p/workshops-for-schools.html" target="_blank">workshops</a> for parents and schools, and consultation/coaching for adults and parents of gifted children. Although <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/p/consultationcoaching.html" target="_blank">coaching </a>is a bit more relaxed and straightforward than psychotherapy, my training and experience as a psychotherapist are still an essential part of this process. </p><p><br /></p><p>Creating and nurturing this blog has been an unanticipated joy. I have learned a lot, met some amazing fellow parents and colleagues in the gifted and twice-exceptional field, and honed my writing skills. <i>I get to advocate for gifted kids and adults through this blog; what an incredible privilege and opportunity!</i> It sounds pretty nerdy, but this sure has been a lot of fun! While I have written many articles (some unrelated to giftedness) and several book chapters, I feel quite excited about my new book, <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Gifted-Parenting-Journey-Self-Discovery-Families/dp/1953360157/ref=sr_1_1?crid=18VUVAS4PMB14&keywords=gifted+parenting+journey&qid=1671716675&sprefix=%2Caps%2C60&sr=8-1" target="_blank">The Gifted Parenting Journey</a>, which addresses the emotional lives of parents and provides tools and support as they navigate this complicated parenting process. Parents' needs and emotions have been ignored for much too long. In their search to support and educate their gifted or twice-exceptional children, parents often discount their own experiences. My hope is that this book will offer the validation and support parents of the gifted need - along with a vehicle for encouraging a deeper understanding of their motivations and emotions.</p><p><br /></p><p>Thank you to all of my readers who have hung in there with me over the years! I am so grateful for your readership and especially appreciative that so many of you responded to the Gifted Parenting Survey I circulated online last year. Some findings from this survey are included in my book, but I am also working on analyzing the data more extensively. I also plan to offer more workshops for parents (<i>if you are interested, send me an email and let me know!</i>). If you have requests for blog post topics, please let me know as well. I wish you well as you traverse your own path as a gifted adult and/or the parent of a gifted child. We still have much work to do as we advocate for all gifted children, with the hope that they receive the intellectual stimulation and social/emotional engagement they desperately need. Please join me in that mission!</p><p><br /></p>Gail Post, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/01482577821092891593noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6702344196398061245.post-45786673640675403172022-12-30T17:35:00.008-05:002022-12-31T10:53:48.159-05:00A question to consider: What kind of gifted person do you want to be?<p><br /></p><p>As another New Year looms, some of you might pause to consider who you are and what you want for the year ahead. And if you are gifted, you might question<b> </b>what kind of gifted person <i>you</i> want to become.</p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj68v3yD-8UQBnHTaz0Xunr425Y_vMZPHXl-uNqaHlxpPS_corGoj6BObS7bikT_EkvLELSDNrPeVwkzDKY7o4COUwN7947JnZBebhquiKMzjRZ9b-T1-OSsGv4qgcfE2SuZzksSDm7QcZtfiVgpjGga9O9TaitQw0wRQfMzfdXcJ3Mg9gmvUKYfHzzTg/s960/fireworks.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="960" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj68v3yD-8UQBnHTaz0Xunr425Y_vMZPHXl-uNqaHlxpPS_corGoj6BObS7bikT_EkvLELSDNrPeVwkzDKY7o4COUwN7947JnZBebhquiKMzjRZ9b-T1-OSsGv4qgcfE2SuZzksSDm7QcZtfiVgpjGga9O9TaitQw0wRQfMzfdXcJ3Mg9gmvUKYfHzzTg/s320/fireworks.png" width="320" /></a></div><p></p><p><br /></p><p>A strange question, I know. After all, we are who we are. We might relish the fruits of our powerful mind or creativity or intensity or even our <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2017/04/choices-exclude-existential-burden-of.html" target="_blank">multipotentiality</a> - or we might resent being gifted and view it as a burden. Either way, we are no more responsible for our intellectual strengths than for our eye color. <i>Right?</i></p><p><i><br /></i></p><p></p><p>Well... perhaps we do have some control. Many studies suggest that despite the <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5985927/" target="_blank">heritability of intelligence</a>, we all are <a href="https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/29083200/" target="_blank">affected by our environment</a>: the impact of <a href="https://www.iqair.com/us/lp/blog/new-parents/can-clean-air-increase-child-iq" target="_blank">pollution</a>, <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0273229716300144" target="_blank">nutrition</a>, <a href="https://www.pnas.org/content/117/1/641" target="_blank">early childhood deprivation</a>, <a href="https://www.nicabm.com/how-trauma-affects-a-childs-brain/" target="_blank">trauma</a>, <a href="https://www.pbs.org/newshour/economy/making-sense/analysis-how-poverty-can-drive-down-intelligence" target="_blank">poverty</a>, and the quality of the education we received. Those lucky folks among us seem to have hit the lottery; a smooth, easy ride through childhood, the absence of trauma, and supportive, yet challenging families and teachers. The rest of us... well, we have struggled. Or our giftedness remained hidden or misunderstood. Or we never fully reached our potential.</p><p><br /></p><p>As a psychologist, writer, parent, and fellow traveler along this life journey, I have encountered many gifted folks. Some enthusiastically embrace life, learning, and their amazing potential. Others <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2019/04/where-do-i-belong-gifted-persons-lament.html" target="_blank">suppress and hide their talents</a> and abilities. Still, others feel bitter and angry over lost opportunities and a world that misunderstands their quirks and <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2022/05/whats-so-bad-about-intensity.html" target="_blank">intensity</a>. </p><p><br /></p><p></p><p>The takeaway is that <i>you</i>, as a gifted person, are entitled to take charge of your life and utilize your talents and abilities. <b>Your passionate engagement with what is meaningful is the best possible use of your inherent strengths.</b> <i>Even </i>if you have endured trauma or a lackluster education. <i>Even</i> if you have been bullied or never feel quite like you fit in. <i>Even</i> if you make mistakes and are far from perfect. Regardless of whether you are 15 or 50 - you deserve to embrace your strengths and challenge yourself to expand your reach. </p><blockquote><p>Poet <a href="https://www.amazon.com/New-Selected-Poems-Mary-Oliver/dp/0807068195/ref=asc_df_0807068195/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=312809338991&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=9374429304917576807&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9007234&hvtargid=pla-585220441578&psc=1" target="_blank">Mary Oliver's</a> wonderful quote applies here: </p></blockquote><p></p><blockquote><i>"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"</i></blockquote><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 21pt;"><span face=""Arial",sans-serif" style="background: white; color: #222222;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p>What will <i>you</i> do? What kind of gifted person will <i>you</i> become?</p><p><br /></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white;">** </span><b style="background-color: white;">For more insights about giftedness, please see my <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/p/new-book.html" style="color: #2282b2; text-decoration-line: none;" target="_blank">new book</a>, </b><i style="background-color: white;"><b>The Gifted Parenting Journey.</b> </i><span style="background-color: white;">Available through the </span><a href="https://www.giftedunlimitedllc.com/store/p77/The_Gifted_Parenting_Journey%3A_A_Guide_to_Self-Discovery_and_Support_for_Families_of_Gifted_Children_%28pre-order_10%2F5%2F22_release_date%29.html" style="background-color: white; color: #2282b2; text-decoration-line: none;" target="_blank">publisher</a><span style="background-color: white;"> and on the usual </span><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Gifted-Parenting-Journey-Self-Discovery-Families/dp/1953360157/ref=sr_1_1?crid=N3EBUANXWDP8&keywords=gifted+parenting+journey&qid=1666365293&qu=eyJxc2MiOiIwLjAwIiwicXNhIjoiMC4wMCIsInFzcCI6IjAuMDAifQ%3D%3D&sprefix=%2Caps%2C224&sr=8-1" style="background-color: white; color: #2282b2; text-decoration-line: none;" target="_blank">bookseller sites</a><span style="background-color: white;">, this book ad</span><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 17.12px;">dresses a previously neglected topic in the literature: the needs and emotional life of parents of gifted children - who are often gifted, themselves.**</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 17.12px;"><i>This blog post is a revision of a similar post from 2021.</i></span></span></p><p><span style="background-color: white;">Wishing you all a wonderful New Year!</span></p>Gail Post, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/01482577821092891593noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6702344196398061245.post-77371625219034911082022-12-21T09:18:00.005-05:002022-12-21T09:30:37.789-05:00Great gifted education articles from 2022 <p><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;">Here are a few of my gifted education faves for 2022 </span></span><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">(in no particular order). These Top 10 articles challenge pre-existing concepts and include views of twice-exceptionalities, the excellence gap, personality types, and the lasting effects of an inadequate education.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijGlvt5OLPCgHIltoRfyj9-ucym9hdeKL4eewYqNGJzXUCRKZqqAJPeQjcSdd4l0e2otrlMPTpsBApcqwQ0eZi8T3Wm5XCceo9Fnoyv9Qe3hAV4_5T29h7BcQJWW6AdKO45wfuibcBHWGn7Sa6js35g9o7_9LWc3EawSJGkmXkhC4v3sSGY318H5QzaQ/s5600/shutterstock_2218321417.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3735" data-original-width="5600" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijGlvt5OLPCgHIltoRfyj9-ucym9hdeKL4eewYqNGJzXUCRKZqqAJPeQjcSdd4l0e2otrlMPTpsBApcqwQ0eZi8T3Wm5XCceo9Fnoyv9Qe3hAV4_5T29h7BcQJWW6AdKO45wfuibcBHWGn7Sa6js35g9o7_9LWc3EawSJGkmXkhC4v3sSGY318H5QzaQ/s320/shutterstock_2218321417.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><p></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p><a href="https://fordhaminstitute.org/national/commentary/how-narrow-excellence-gap-early-elementary-school?fbclid=IwAR1kA5ooc3M1kIdiw-Wrf9hMcPlvY7JDt_45wXUCCzO-LVmvWeJRrywuxaY" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><b>How to narrow the excellence gap in early elementary school</b></span></a></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #464646;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">"the excellence gap appears long before high school. It looks much the same as far back as fourth grade..."</span></span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #464646;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></p><p><a href="https://www.theguardian.com/education/2020/jan/28/schools-killing-curiosity-learn?fbclid=IwAR3I0qiZCXaWfY29BC5Z2wnUTin_iC7B7gQ1kh2jhq6LCbKwZ1m7qb_UXMI" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><b>Schools are killing curiosity: Why we need to stop telling children to shut up and learn</b></span></a></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #121212; font-variant-ligatures: common-ligatures;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">"Promoting curiosity is a foundation for early learning that we should be emphasizing more when we look at academic achievement.”</span></span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #121212; font-variant-ligatures: common-ligatures;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></p><p><a href="https://deborahruf.medium.com/smart-kids-personality-types-and-how-they-adapt-or-not-to-school-29a6af198835" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><b>Smart kids, personality types, and how they adapt - or not - to school</b></span></a></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #292929; letter-spacing: -0.06px;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">"...within the student population, there were many gifted children whose personalities allowed them to cooperate in school even when it contributed to their own underachievement..."</span></span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #292929; letter-spacing: -0.06px;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></p><p><a href="https://fordhaminstitute.org/national/commentary/gifted-students-need-continuum-services-now-more-ever?fbclid=IwAR0AYK-t5WXlscKZYNSEaqYtcdcVrUMtz2ySQUrHnYlu48H9fk5h-pjvugM" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><b>Gifted students need a "continuum of services" now more than ever</b></span></a></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #464646;">"Systems need to be in place to support teachers facing such a range of achievement levels by providing a continuum of services... T</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #464646;">his requires flexibility in services, placements, and programming to allow for continual entrance, exit, and re-entry points."</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #464646;"><br /></span></span></p><p><a href="https://www.davidsongifted.org/gifted-blog/gifted-on-the-spectrum-or-both/?fbclid=IwAR2O02_84jq6wQrrl_JOjiXZjVWprSjvf_kOFK1m06dm9qALphV97lXdwPE" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><b>Gifted, on the spectrum, or both?</b></span></a></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">"Both giftedness and autism fall on a spectrum, so while there may be individuals who clearly fit into one box or another, some behaviors might be more ambiguous and require additional information, context, or professional opinions."</span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p><a href="https://www.deseret.com/2022/11/22/23322571/gifted-kid-education-without-funding-leads-to-burn-out?fbclid=IwAR0KYF1a6JXVzDb8yS0Tp0jJv4SPGfuy_8_RVp5n7hvGSFanjECiiXL1xG4" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><b>When the "gifted" kids aren't alright</b></span></a></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">"[Studies] confirm the detrimental effect of a gifted mind left unchallenged, proving that 'busy work' does more than simply leave the child bored... Gifted children will regularly underperform academically against peers later in life, despite a heightened skill set."</span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p><a href="https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/autism-treatment-shifts-away-from-fixing-the-condition/" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><b>Autism treatment shifts away from "fixing" the condition</b></span></a></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #323232;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">“We’ve moved away from thinking of autism as a condition that needs to be eliminated or fixed to thinking about autism as part of the neurodiversity that exists across humankind.”</span></span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #323232;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></p><p><a href="https://educationaladvancement.org/blog-how-can-the-united-states-better-support-gifted-education/?fbclid=IwAR3A6v3OcW1hsTPDI_H5tlKfoepV4EAdpAquKRvrtxIWlj5pHtw9ItFZf5Q" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><b>How can the United States better support gifted education?</b></span></a></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">"...some of the most important steps we can take as a country would be to ensure that all qualified students have access to gifted programs... to provide appropriate training for teachers who work with gifted students, and to allow gifted students to learn at their own pace."</span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p><a href="https://www.additudemag.com/adhd-in-women-misunderstood-symptoms-treatment/?utm_source=eletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=treatment_january_2022&utm_content=011322&goal=0_d9446392d6-d3d95b80f7-293002633&fbclid=IwAR1kA5ooc3M1kIdiw-Wrf9hMcPlvY7JDt_45wXUCCzO-LVmvWeJRrywuxaY" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><b>Why ADHD in women is routinely dismissed, misdiagnosed, and treated inadequately</b></span></a></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #1a1a1a;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">"ADHD in women does not comply with stereotypes. Its distinct symptom presentation is skewed toward inattentiveness – a feature that explains, in part, why ADHD in women is still largely misunderstood, overlooked, and inadequately studied."</span></span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #1a1a1a;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></p><p><a href="https://www.npr.org/2022/02/10/1079406041/researcher-says-rethink-prek-preschool-prekindergarten?fbclid=IwAR1OjJW7-kex3Fq9E7YBWwrqNdZQF2RRM1g7h0y_v0HSYvWsfpUvdP-Af6w" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><b>A top researcher says it's time to rethink our entire approach to preschool</b></span></a></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333;">"...we've simply asked too much of pre-K, based on early results... </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333;">We might actually get better results, she says, from simply letting little children play."</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333;"><br /></span></span></p><p><br /></p><p><span style="font-size: large;">Do you want more thought-provoking articles related to giftedness, twice-exceptionality, and gifted education? Follow me on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/GiftedChallenges/" target="_blank">Facebook</a>, <a href="https://twitter.com/giftedchlnges" target="_blank">Twitter</a> (<i>at least for now...</i>), and <a href="https://www.instagram.com/gailpostphd/" target="_blank">Instagram</a>, where I routinely post interesting articles I come across and then share them with you.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: inherit;">Wishing all of you a healthy and happy New Year!</span></span></p>Gail Post, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/01482577821092891593noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6702344196398061245.post-38187915000693302482022-12-05T12:44:00.004-05:002022-12-06T14:30:25.508-05:00Another call to action: Join the mission to clarify giftedness for the misinformed <p><br /></p><p>I have been writing this blog for almost ten years now. I have seen increased awareness related to neurodiversity and heightened sensitivities and the ubiquity of asynchronous development. Many school districts now consider acceleration as a viable option. Homeschooling parents no longer feel embarrassed or defensive about their decisions. And yet... there is still much work to be done. Despite an increase in awareness related to giftedness and twice-exceptional concerns, misinformation abounds.</p><p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrTOF9uD-sgyxUzTv6Vq9wFqXOWJF-_MPbsP4GnETWZ0REMf67UPXfe9MIllFeV21fW4BsoAAmA5RpZGW-iLT7_Zk-yPP_yuGRMh5vUNiiKrj40up7Z5WJj959npVJaFPwGsnOh4OV0y7jLV-nF2AAbuG1kyiCopjtQXLbH7CaDFQ_T4H0bIho83OV2A/s6416/shutterstock_421241848.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4784" data-original-width="6416" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrTOF9uD-sgyxUzTv6Vq9wFqXOWJF-_MPbsP4GnETWZ0REMf67UPXfe9MIllFeV21fW4BsoAAmA5RpZGW-iLT7_Zk-yPP_yuGRMh5vUNiiKrj40up7Z5WJj959npVJaFPwGsnOh4OV0y7jLV-nF2AAbuG1kyiCopjtQXLbH7CaDFQ_T4H0bIho83OV2A/s320/shutterstock_421241848.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p>And I feel weary when I read yet another misinformed assumption about gifted education. </p><p><br /></p><p>This particular commentary, written by a parent/educator who complained about an upcoming gifted screening at her daughter's elementary school, cited inaccuracies about IQ testing, ranted about the use of the "G-word," and wielded a distorted and simplistic understanding of the <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2018/04/giftedness-and-growth-mindset-lessons.html" target="_blank">"growth mindset"</a> concept to justify her comments. She expressed concerns that gifted identification could harm a child's self-esteem or lead to a "fixed mindset" about their learning potential. (Note: I am not citing a link in an effort to protect this individual's confidentiality.)</p><p><br /></p><p>Of course, the school in question might have handled this differently and phrased the upcoming testing as an attempt to discover different learning styles or needs. Perhaps they could have refrained from posting the information at school, and instead sent a private message to parents describing the purpose of the tests and offering guidelines about <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2017/06/how-to-explain-giftedness-to-your-child.html" target="_blank">explaining giftedness to their children</a>. Students are used to testing at school; yet another screening test likely would not be noticed. But a description for parents might have alleviated their concerns and clarified useful information about giftedness for the skeptics as well as anxious parents wondering about whether their child might be gifted.</p><p><br /></p><p>Granted, I realize I am preaching to the choir here. Most of you reading this are already quite knowledgeable about giftedness, and certainly understand the complexities associated with labeling and gifted identification. When you live every day with a gifted child, navigate their intensity and sensitivity, despair when their school overlooks their needs, and hold back tears when they are rejected by peers - <i>you</i> understand the highs and lows of giftedness. You already know that problems arise <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2016/06/intelligence-denied-when-gifted.html" target="_blank">when schools ignore the needs of gifted children</a> and refuse to provide a challenging education. And you know that when children are not offered a clear, matter-of-fact framework for understanding giftedness, they will likely <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2021/10/how-gifted-children-view-their.html" target="_blank">form their own conclusions</a>, and possibly internalize the unrealistic expectations and stigma and shaming they observe directed toward people like them. As I <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2021/04/stop-shaming-why-we-must-advocate-for.html" target="_blank">commented previously:</a> </p><p><br /></p><blockquote>"We would never accept this normalization of stigma and disparagement toward people based on race,<span> </span>culture, gender, sexual orientation, or learning struggles. Yet, gifted children are routinely shamed for their inherent abilities. They did not "choose" to possess a highly active mind, heightened intensities, or a drive for learning that may surpass the academic needs of their peers. As parents, <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2018/08/three-essential-tips-for-teachers-of.html" style="color: #2282b2; text-decoration-line: none;" target="_blank">educators</a>, counselors, and legislators, <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2018/01/lets-get-real-about-gifted-kids.html" style="color: #2282b2; text-decoration-line: none;" target="_blank">we need to stop the misconceptions</a>, false assumptions, and marginalization of gifted education - all of which can contribute to a false sense of self, confusion, and shame among the gifted."</blockquote><p> </p><p>So, I am calling on you, dear readers, to rise up and commit to actively challenging any <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2018/01/lets-get-real-about-gifted-kids.html" target="_blank">misconceptions about giftedness</a> - <i>whenever</i> you hear them. Any false beliefs, alarmist criticism, and tired stereotypes. Any attempts to conflate gifted education with elitism or favoritism or harm to others. Any assumptions that giftedness does not exist, or that kids can stop being gifted, or that eliminating gifted programs will solve the problems that besiege so many schools. I have commented widely that you are enlisted as an <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2014/09/fearless-advocacy-day-in-life-of-gifted.html" target="_blank">ambassador for giftedness</a>, and must educate others wherever you go. On the sidelines at soccer games. At school board meetings. At holiday meals with misinformed family members. </p><p><br /></p><p>Please join me on this mission - to enlighten others with clarity about the essential differences that giftedness brings out. All it takes is your keen attention to misconceptions when they are spoken, and the courage to speak up and share your wisdom with others.</p><p><br /></p><p>** <b>For more insights about giftedness, please see my <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/p/new-book.html" target="_blank">new book</a>, </b><i><b>The Gifted Parenting Journey.</b> </i>Available through the <a href="https://www.giftedunlimitedllc.com/store/p77/The_Gifted_Parenting_Journey%3A_A_Guide_to_Self-Discovery_and_Support_for_Families_of_Gifted_Children_%28pre-order_10%2F5%2F22_release_date%29.html" target="_blank">publisher</a> and on the usual <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Gifted-Parenting-Journey-Self-Discovery-Families/dp/1953360157/ref=sr_1_1?crid=N3EBUANXWDP8&keywords=gifted+parenting+journey&qid=1666365293&qu=eyJxc2MiOiIwLjAwIiwicXNhIjoiMC4wMCIsInFzcCI6IjAuMDAifQ%3D%3D&sprefix=%2Caps%2C224&sr=8-1" target="_blank">bookseller sites</a>, this book ad<span style="line-height: 17.12px;">dresses a previously neglected topic in the literature: the needs and emotional life of parents of gifted children.**</span></p>Gail Post, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/01482577821092891593noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6702344196398061245.post-62138841806034133592022-11-07T07:54:00.004-05:002022-11-21T20:13:56.803-05:00Baseball, the World Series... and Gifted Education<p>Sports provide a metaphor for much in life. Such is true for the Philadelphia Phillies; over the years, their wins and losses have evoked joy and heartbreak for countless fans. Many stories will be written about their surge to win the pennant this year and play in the World Series. Underdogs who rose from the ashes. The persistence of the Phitin' Phils. The team camaraderie. How their undying fans careened from hope to disappointment... once again. </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKPKBC56UOqGculBr9l9bbyHa8tcvH8mpjy56U9WejR1YfqAnFZfl5mxYmBp8hSPHL4GA81pxCR-MgGHXICMKkCJmmOa8G9smYwqM7usmTgkl3rcNsaCDTxp-Tj14YXWYMmqSLw5tEXRiqGS37m4yyuVemdO1HIdLqIj4gfIHEsX_lfcpTA3ZoIQCapg/s800/6VPE5LAQ5VHBFNMEY5M5LOEQOM.webp" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="533" data-original-width="800" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKPKBC56UOqGculBr9l9bbyHa8tcvH8mpjy56U9WejR1YfqAnFZfl5mxYmBp8hSPHL4GA81pxCR-MgGHXICMKkCJmmOa8G9smYwqM7usmTgkl3rcNsaCDTxp-Tj14YXWYMmqSLw5tEXRiqGS37m4yyuVemdO1HIdLqIj4gfIHEsX_lfcpTA3ZoIQCapg/s320/6VPE5LAQ5VHBFNMEY5M5LOEQOM.webp" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Photo credit: Yong Kim, Philadelphia Inquirer</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div>And while (as a Philly native) I am spotlighting the city's beloved Phils rather than the (gulp) World Series champions, the Houston Astros, few would doubt the drive, persistence, and raw talent found among both teams' world-class athletes. Some rose to fame despite poverty and hardship. Others received elite training that prepared them for success. Either way, their talent is astonishing. Stand-out Phillies player Bryce Harper, for example, was a prodigy, highlighted in Sports Illustrated at age 13. Many begrudge their exorbitant salaries; however, their dedication, commitment, and sheer talent inspire their fan base.<div><br /></div><div><br /><div><h3 style="text-align: left;"><b>So, how does this relate to gifted education??? </b></h3><p>A sports team's success depends on a variety of factors - excellent coaching, talented athletes, team chemistry, and a bit of luck. The Phillies' transformation from a team lagging far behind in the rankings to National League pennant winners has been attributed to a change in managers mid-season. Whatever occurred on the field or behind clubhouse doors can be attributed to leadership that nurtured and encouraged their success. <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2018/04/giftedness-and-growth-mindset-lessons.html" target="_blank">The same holds true for gifted education</a>; the <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2018/08/three-essential-tips-for-teachers-of.html" target="_blank">right teacher</a>, the <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2017/03/ability-grouping-works-and-is-essential.html" target="_blank">right mix of students</a>, the support of their "fans" (i.e., parents, teachers, and a supportive community), and competent leadership (from school administrators to state legislation safeguarding gifted education services) encourage gifted kids to engage their intellectual strengths. </p><p><br /></p><p>But as we know, this rarely occurs.</p><p><br /></p><p>Gifted kids are sometimes encouraged to use their talents. More often, though, they are chastised to sit still and stop raising their hands or to downplay their smarts so they can fit in. Gifted education, unfortunately, is <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2022/10/gifted-education-why-is-it-still-so.html" target="_blank"><i>still</i> controversial</a>. Parents of gifted children are <a href="https://crushingtallpoppies.com/2014/02/06/my-child-is-gifted-do-you-think-im-bragging-now/" target="_blank">accused of bragging,</a> or pushing their kids to achieve, or being elitist. In contrast, parents of a rising superstar athlete likely hear the following accolades: <i>"Amazing." "You must be so proud." "Such dedication."</i> <b>It is doubtful that parents of a talented athlete would overhear any of the following comments:</b></p><p></p><blockquote><i>"Let them just be a kid."</i></blockquote><p></p><p></p><blockquote><i>"They should be benched for a while so that the other team players won't feel so bad about their abilities."</i></blockquote><p></p><p></p><blockquote><i>"They'll do just fine without any coaching."</i></blockquote><p></p><p></p><blockquote><i>"They must not be talented; they struck out each time up at bat today, which just proves they are not the talented athlete you thought they were."</i></blockquote><p></p><p></p><blockquote><i>"They will need to play on intramurals instead of varsity for a while to encourage the other players and help them succeed. Besides, varsity sports are elitist."</i></blockquote><p></p><p></p><blockquote><i>"All children are gifted athletes."</i></blockquote><p> </p><p></p><p>Yes, the above comments sound ridiculous! Yet, they parallel the daily, lived experience of most gifted children and their families. As a beleaguered city embraces its team's unanticipated wins and losses, perhaps we all can learn a little more about how to support all of our talented kids - the athletes and the <i>mathletes</i> alike. </p><p><br /></p><p><b>These basic tenets of giftedness cannot be ignored: </b></p><p>1. Gifted children can be found in every racial, cultural, and socioeconomic group. </p><p>2. Gifted children possess an innate intellectual ability and are neurodiverse - their minds grasp concepts more quickly and with greater complexity and depth. Many exhibit <a href="https://www.nagc.org/resources-publications/resources-parents/social-emotional-issues/asynchronous-development" target="_blank">asynchronous development</a> where social maturity lags behind their intellectual strengths. </p><p>3. Giftedness does not equate with achievement. Many high achievers are not necessarily gifted; many gifted children are <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2016/02/who-is-gifted-underachiever-four-types.html" target="_blank">underachievers</a>.</p><p>4. Gifted kids need, deserve, and <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2016/06/intelligence-denied-when-gifted.html" target="_blank">require a challenging education</a> - just like every other child. The fact that their needs differ from neurotypical or struggling students does not diminish their right to an education suited to their intellectual level.</p><p>5. Parents of the gifted rarely push their children; they are just along for the ride, <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2022/10/what-are-4-es-of-gifted-parenting.html" target="_blank">trying to keep up</a> with their child's academic needs.</p><p>6. Some gifted children possess a co-existing "twice-exceptional" condition, such as ADHD or a learning disability. The presence of twice-exceptionality creates greater complexity when assessing and working with their gifts and challenges; without astute attention, their giftedness and their learning challenges may be overlooked or misunderstood.</p><p>7. Just like coaches and team managers select players with similar abilities to optimize performance, gifted children also benefit from a classroom of like-minded peers. They thrive when they can engage their curiosity and intensity alongside peers with similar abilities, and where they no longer must hide their strengths to <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2020/07/when-is-it-safe-to-be-smart.html" target="_blank">fit in</a> or avoid bullying.</p><p>8. Without a challenging education, gifted students will wither. They may underachieve, withdraw, rebel, or merely <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2015/11/underachievers-under-radar-how.html" target="_blank">coast through school</a>, and never fully develop their potential. </p><p><br /></p><p>Like the Phillies, gifted kids also fall short of expectations. They strike out at bat, or fail an audition, or miss out on that science fair award. Their talents cannot insulate them from the same setbacks, heartbreaks, rejections, and losses the rest of us also endure. What matters most is <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2021/03/building-resilience-strategies-to.html" target="_blank">resilience</a>, reasonable expectations, and the capacity to learn from experience. Even after the World Series loss, fans are resuming their daily lives. And the <a href="https://www.inquirer.com/phillies/phillies-astros-world-series-score-20221106.html" target="_blank">Phillies are recalibrating</a> and looking to next year's season.</p><p><br /></p><p>I must confess that I am a fair-weather fan, emerging only to cheer the Phils when they are on the larger stage. Sports have never been my thing. But I became entranced by their enthusiastic and quirky expressions of team spirit and their compelling rise to success this season. And the awe-inspiring artistry and power of a homerun hit, the satisfying crack of bat to ball, and the batter's expectant pause as he awaits the verdict (will the ball land in the stands, or is it just a pop-up fly?) are spectacles to behold. Those moments remind us all of what is possible. </p><p><br /></p><p>Let's offer those same opportunities and expectations to the intellectually gifted and not reserve them only for our beloved athletes.<br /></p><p><br /></p><p>** <b>For more insights about giftedness, please see my <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/p/new-book.html" target="_blank">new book</a>, </b><i><b>The Gifted Parenting Journey.</b> </i>Available through the <a href="https://www.giftedunlimitedllc.com/store/p77/The_Gifted_Parenting_Journey%3A_A_Guide_to_Self-Discovery_and_Support_for_Families_of_Gifted_Children_%28pre-order_10%2F5%2F22_release_date%29.html" target="_blank">publisher</a> and on the usual <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Gifted-Parenting-Journey-Self-Discovery-Families/dp/1953360157/ref=sr_1_1?crid=N3EBUANXWDP8&keywords=gifted+parenting+journey&qid=1666365293&qu=eyJxc2MiOiIwLjAwIiwicXNhIjoiMC4wMCIsInFzcCI6IjAuMDAifQ%3D%3D&sprefix=%2Caps%2C224&sr=8-1" target="_blank">bookseller sites</a>, this book ad<span style="line-height: 17.12px;">dresses a previously neglected topic in the literature: the needs and emotional life of parents of gifted children.**</span></p></div></div>Gail Post, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/01482577821092891593noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6702344196398061245.post-55264968121104868832022-10-24T08:00:00.006-04:002022-11-16T13:38:55.985-05:00New online parenting workshop!<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhwc_CYEXjjyIYn8rLhG7NwaIyjrFRSZhpjGWEFbYCRBK7rZF3vxptxEbfLgvoAhU3mVTLYjVH6jXnmUGewB5HvUs8XapT4z8tBGpLJOxR5eNjIuTGhTVe9OybtIctcsHs4xQmkBO8CZQ4Vx057F2Zehh04tVPebyXpc-5XM4wYQ2S_wuJ79_QIE6h2g/s5901/shutterstock_1854759865.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3934" data-original-width="5901" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhwc_CYEXjjyIYn8rLhG7NwaIyjrFRSZhpjGWEFbYCRBK7rZF3vxptxEbfLgvoAhU3mVTLYjVH6jXnmUGewB5HvUs8XapT4z8tBGpLJOxR5eNjIuTGhTVe9OybtIctcsHs4xQmkBO8CZQ4Vx057F2Zehh04tVPebyXpc-5XM4wYQ2S_wuJ79_QIE6h2g/w320-h225/shutterstock_1854759865.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><span data-mce-style="color: #000000; font-family: 'Times New Roman';" style="font-size: 22px;"><span style="font-weight: 700;"><a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/p/gifted-parenting-journey-workshop.html" target="_blank">The Gifted Parenting Journey Workshop</a></span> is an online, four-part workshop series focusing on your unique joys, struggles, challenges, and questions related to parenting a gifted child. Based on concepts from my new book, <i><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Gifted-Parenting-Journey-Self-Discovery-Families/dp/1953360157/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3RSFG1895BSHB&keywords=gifted+parenting+journey&qid=1666556941&qu=eyJxc2MiOiIwLjAwIiwicXNhIjoiMC4wMCIsInFzcCI6IjAuMDAifQ%3D%3D&sprefix=%2Caps%2C106&sr=8-1" target="_blank">The Gifted Parenting Journey</a></i>,</span><span data-mce-style="color: #000000; font-family: 'Times New Roman';" style="font-size: 22px;"> this workshop will address the unique emotions, expectations, and needs of parents of gifted children. </span><div><span style="font-size: 22px;"><br /></span><p></p><h2 style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: 22px;">**Update: Please note that registration is now closed. If you are interested in participating in a workshop at a later time, please email me at gailpostphd@gmail.com so I can include you on a list. Thank you!**</span></h2><div><span style="font-size: 22px;"><br /></span></div><p><span style="font-size: 22px;">As a participant, you will be asked to explore questions and ideas related to your parenting experience through a lively and interactive discussion. It is anticipated that participation in the workshop will enliven your sense of purpose, confidence, and clarity as a parent, and provide much-needed camaraderie and support.</span></p><p><span data-mce-style="color: #000000; font-family: 'Times New Roman';" style="font-size: 22px;"><br /></span></p><p><span data-mce-style="color: #000000; font-family: 'Times New Roman';" style="font-size: 22px;"><b>The one-hour sessions start Mon., Nov. 21, and run for four consecutive weeks. Sessions will be held at 7:30PM* EST.</b></span></p><p><b style="color: #4782c1; font-family: "Encode Sans", sans-serif, google; font-size: 20px;"> </b></p><p class="MsoNormal" data-mce-style="color: #000000; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;" style="margin: 0px;"><span data-mce-style="font-size: 22px;" style="font-size: 22px;"><b>What I bring:</b> While the workshop is both a psychoeducational and supportive place for discussing parenting concerns (<i>and is not psychotherapy</i>), I still bring over 35 years of training and experience as a Clinical Psychologist and Group Psychotherapist to these meetings, along with many years as a gifted parenting coach/consultant and workshop leader, my personal experience as the parent of two gifted young adults, and many years as co-chair of a gifted parents advocacy group.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" data-mce-style="color: #000000; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;" style="margin: 0px;"><span data-mce-style="font-size: 22px;" style="font-size: 22px;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" data-mce-style="color: #000000; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;" style="margin: 0px;"> </p><p class="MsoNormal" data-mce-style="color: #000000; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;" style="margin: 0px;"><span data-mce-style="font-size: 22px;" style="font-size: 22px;"><b>What you bring:</b> Your active engagement and participation are critical components of the group. You bring your </span><span style="font-size: 22px;">questions, ideas, and personal wisdom as the parent of a gifted child. Your openness to self-exploration and discussion and willingness to offer your support to other group members will benefit you and the other group participants.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" data-mce-style="color: #000000; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;" style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 22px;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" data-mce-style="color: #000000; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;" style="margin: 0px;"> </p><p class="MsoNormal" data-mce-style="color: #000000; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;" style="margin: 0px;"><span data-mce-style="font-size: 22px;" style="font-size: 22px;"><b>What we can expect from each other:</b> Expectations for group participation include respectful dialogue, a willingness to share (but only what feels safe and</span> <span data-mce-style="font-size: 22px;" style="font-size: 22px;">comfortable), keeping what others say confidential, and remaining attentive to others’ concerns. Attentive group participation involves your regular attendance, ensuring that you have a quiet and private space where you can speak without interruption, keeping your zoom screen on throughout the session, and refraining from distractions during the session, such as responding to text messages. Due to the confidential nature of the group, you may not record these sessions.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" data-mce-style="color: #000000; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;" style="margin: 0px;"><span data-mce-style="font-size: 22px;" style="font-size: 22px;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" data-mce-style="color: #000000; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;" style="margin: 0px;"> </p><p class="MsoNormal" data-mce-style="color: #000000; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;" style="margin: 0px;"><span data-mce-style="font-size: 22px;" style="font-size: 22px;"><b>What you can expect from me:</b> I will provide a structure and framework to the meeting, offer insights and general information about gifted parenting, and encourage a respectful, engaging, interactive discussion. Ideas and questions for discussion will be emailed to you each week prior to the meeting so that you have some time to think about the topics. I typically will not offer specific guidance regarding individual concerns, but instead, may share general parenting guidelines. I will intervene in the unlikely event of problems that could arise (for example, the rare </span><span data-mce-style="font-size: 22px;" style="font-size: 22px;">possibility of conflict among members). As mentioned</span> <span data-mce-style="font-size: 22px;" style="font-size: 22px;">above, I bring my years as a psychotherapist and group facilitator to the sessions and will encourage a pace and sense of community that should feel both enlivening and safe for group participants.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" data-mce-style="color: #000000; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;" style="margin: 0px;"><span data-mce-style="font-size: 22px;" style="font-size: 22px;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" data-mce-style="color: #000000; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;" style="margin: 0px;"><span data-mce-style="font-size: 22px;" style="font-size: 22px;"><br /></span></p><h1 style="margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span data-mce-style="font-size: 22px;" style="font-size: 22px;"><b>More information about topics for discussion, registration, and fees can be found <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/p/gifted-parenting-journey-workshop.html" target="_blank">here</a>.</b></span></h1><div><span data-mce-style="font-size: 22px;" style="font-size: 22px;"><b><br /></b></span></div><p class="MsoNormal" data-mce-style="color: #000000; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;" style="margin: 0px;"><span data-mce-style="font-size: 22px;" style="font-size: 22px;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" data-mce-style="color: #000000; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;" style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 22px;">*(I realize that the Monday 7:30 EST time may not be ideal for some. If you are interested in a daytime group, please let me know. If I receive enough interest, I will start one during the day as well.)</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" data-mce-style="color: #000000; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;" style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 22px;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" data-mce-style="color: #000000; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;" style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 22px;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" data-mce-style="color: #000000; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;" style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 22px;">If you have any questions, please contact me at gailpostphd@gmail.com.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" data-mce-style="color: #000000; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;" style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 22px;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" data-mce-style="color: #000000; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;" style="margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: 22px;">Looking forward to hearing from you!</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" data-mce-style="color: #000000; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;" style="margin: 0px;"><br /></p></div>Gail Post, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/01482577821092891593noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6702344196398061245.post-51765333237575195302022-10-21T11:28:00.003-04:002022-10-21T13:39:07.891-04:00Gifted education: Why is it still so controversial?<p><br /></p><p>Research and gifted education experts have emphasized the benefits of <a href="https://www.nagc.org/resources-publications/gifted-education-practices" target="_blank">enriched or accelerated instruction</a> for gifted and highly able children. Yet, many school districts balk at the possibility and refuse to provide gifted services. Citing concerns that struggling or neurotypical students (or their parents) might resent <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2017/03/ability-grouping-works-and-is-essential.html" target="_blank">ability grouping</a> or enrichment offered to gifted students, gifted services are curtailed or limited. Instead, <a href="https://eric.ed.gov/?id=EJ1263838" target="_blank">differentiated instruction</a> within the regular classroom setting is proposed as a panacea, placing unprecedented additional stress on teachers and resulting in <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2015/04/why-differentiated-instruction-fails.html" target="_blank">limited benefits</a> for gifted students.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1lEAv4NJ7FD2gT_6C8O9-aC0NZ_yQsTswKskjx4uCtOasHjKk_jjzIEEQMdsNoccyXNAOYMQTQ67aAVX9Ad3Ykblf6q-zU-ZdwtOAfI4a3GsKXy4LnakE0o8ib7gDB5jf8zYSZYPImM_YmY3Ao_lzD5ufWOIuEoB0uqXnW3AzUvrisHkGmjbdFgtY_w/s1000/13161913_1109268219111641_6155485623768404936_o.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="507" data-original-width="1000" height="162" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1lEAv4NJ7FD2gT_6C8O9-aC0NZ_yQsTswKskjx4uCtOasHjKk_jjzIEEQMdsNoccyXNAOYMQTQ67aAVX9Ad3Ykblf6q-zU-ZdwtOAfI4a3GsKXy4LnakE0o8ib7gDB5jf8zYSZYPImM_YmY3Ao_lzD5ufWOIuEoB0uqXnW3AzUvrisHkGmjbdFgtY_w/s320/13161913_1109268219111641_6155485623768404936_o.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><p></p><p><br /></p><h3><b>Why is there so much resistance to gifted education?*</b></h3><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><p>Services for children with other exceptionalities (such as learning disabilities) are rarely questioned or challenged. Yet, gifted education incites controversy. It would seem that <b>the concept of gifted education itself evokes a range of complex feelings</b>; it becomes a projection screen onto which parents, educators, and political leaders project their hopes, prejudices, bitterness, and fears. I would suggest that <i><b>the drive to eliminate gifted services often stems from an emotional reaction.</b></i> Often, the adults in charge - the policy-makers, administrators, and even fellow members of your community - refuse to acknowledge that some children have advanced learning needs. The concept of giftedness - the "G-word" - becomes a dirty word, linked to assumptions related to elitism and status rather than an emotionally-neutral diagnostic label used to inform learning potential.</p><p><br /></p><p>Of greatest concern is when the "G-word" evokes contempt, envy, and disturbing assumptions about a child's inherent worth. We all want children to receive the education they deserve; yet, some people squirm when considering that children progress at different rates. Many parents, teachers, and administrators worry that supporting gifted education might imply that a child is more of a "gift" to their parents or is somehow "better" than other children. Those with students or children whose intellectual needs fall within the middle or the lower end of the bell-shaped curve (used to group IQ scores and abilities) somehow could be deemed "less than," instead of the wonderful and amazing children they are! Rather than challenging this distorted perspective about abilities, and accepting and loving each child regardless of their academic strengths, some may hope that the whole controversy would disappear if we just eliminated any reference to advanced intellectual abilities. </p><p><br /></p><p>Of course, gifted education is far from perfect. There are rampant problems with gifted under-identification and <a href="https://www.nagc.org/gifted-state" target="_blank">how (<i>and even if</i>) gifted services are provided</a>. For example, a twice-exceptional condition - when students are intellectually gifted but also possess a learning disability or a diagnosis such as ADHD, anxiety, or Autism Spectrum Disorder - can obscure gifted identification. Well-meaning advocates for the underserved have raised pointed, necessary questions about how students are identified and placed in gifted programs. The heightened and much-necessary awareness that marginalized groups (e.g., racial minorities, students from impoverished or rural backgrounds, English Language Learners) have been <a href="https://theconversation.com/schools-often-fail-to-identify-gifted-and-talented-students-especially-if-they-are-black-latino-or-native-american-130506" target="_blank">underrepresented in gifted programs</a> has fueled these concerns.</p><p><br /></p><p>Unfortunately, the baby<i> and</i> the bathwater have been tossed; platitudes about the presumed benefits of heterogeneous class grouping or watered-down attempts at differentiation burden teachers unnecessarily and merely ignore the issue. Attempts to protect and support marginalized groups and struggling students by eliminating gifted services masks the problem, penalizes those students in need of enrichment or acceleration, and perpetuates the <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/local/wp/2015/03/31/gifted-students-especially-those-who-are-low-income-need-more-attention-report-argues/" target="_blank">excellence gap</a>, where underserved gifted students are overlooked. Essentially, those hurt the most by such policies are those children who would benefit the most from enrichment. </p><p><br /></p><p>As more adults in charge become educated about the neurodiversity of the gifted, how they learn at a different pace and with greater depth than their peers, and the detrimental effects that result when their learning needs are ignored (e.g., underachievement, increased executive functioning difficulties), the sooner a coherent discussion will arise, along with improved strategies for meeting these children's needs. Improved identification through universal screening, <a href="https://www.nagc.org/blog/local-norms-improve-equity-gifted-identification" target="_blank">using local norms</a>, and educating teachers and parents about giftedness would be a start. <i>Truly acknowledging that gifted children exist within all racial and economic groups is essential;</i> eliminating gifted services in schools populated by minority and low-income students perpetuates an ugly bias that they do not warrant the academic enrichment available to their wealthy counterparts. </p><p><b><br /></b></p><p><b>Gifted education should never be considered a privilege; it is a basic right for children to receive the education they deserve, tailored to their individual learning needs. As parents, educators, legislators, caretakers, and those in the helping professions, we must continue to <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2019/09/gifted-advocacy-is-education.html" target="_blank">advocate </a>for these children. </b></p><p><br /></p><p>(*Please note that I am a psychologist and not an educator. The opinions in this article are based on my review of the literature, my experience with families of the gifted through my psychotherapy and coaching/consultation practice, and my involvement as a parent in advocating for gifted education.)</p><p><br /></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;">** <b>For more insights about giftedness from a parenting perspective, please see my <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/p/new-book.html" target="_blank">new book</a>, </b><i><b>The Gifted Parenting Journey.</b> </i>Available through the <a href="https://www.giftedunlimitedllc.com/store/p77/The_Gifted_Parenting_Journey%3A_A_Guide_to_Self-Discovery_and_Support_for_Families_of_Gifted_Children_%28pre-order_10%2F5%2F22_release_date%29.html" target="_blank">publisher</a> and on the usual <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Gifted-Parenting-Journey-Self-Discovery-Families/dp/1953360157/ref=sr_1_1?crid=N3EBUANXWDP8&keywords=gifted+parenting+journey&qid=1666365293&qu=eyJxc2MiOiIwLjAwIiwicXNhIjoiMC4wMCIsInFzcCI6IjAuMDAifQ%3D%3D&sprefix=%2Caps%2C224&sr=8-1" target="_blank">bookseller sites</a>, this book ad<span style="line-height: 107%;">dresses a
previously neglected topic in the literature: the needs and emotional life of
parents of gifted children and teens. Readers are encouraged to discover the
emotions that influence their attitudes and expectations; understanding and
distinguishing these emotions from what their child truly needs is key to
informed parenting decisions</span><span style="background: white; color: #0f1111; line-height: 107%;">.</span><span style="line-height: 107%;"> The latest research, theory,
clinical wisdom, and results from an extensive survey of gifted parents’
attitudes are combined to</span><span style="background: white; color: #0f1111; line-height: 107%;"> provide supportive tools for parents seeking greater
self-awareness, confidence, and clarity.**</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="background: white; color: #0f1111; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p> </p><p><b><br /></b></p><p><b><br /></b></p>Gail Post, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/01482577821092891593noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6702344196398061245.post-30262352283560858662022-10-06T09:28:00.003-04:002022-10-06T09:47:28.432-04:00What are the "4 E's" of Gifted Parenting?<p><br />Parents of gifted kids face an array of challenging emotions, often juggling multiple feelings at once. Some of the most perplexing emotions and reactions can be summarized as "the 4 E's." Not to be confused with 2e, a term used to describe twice-exceptionality (when gifted children also struggle with a condition such as ADHD or anxiety), the concept of "the 4 E's of Gifted Parenting" is shorthand for some of the most common pressures and emotions parents of the gifted face: exhilaration, envy, embarrassment, and (high) expectations. Many of the worries and confusion parents often face stem from these four emotions and reactions. The sooner we understand how our emotions are triggered, and can compassionately accept and learn from how we feel, the more easily we can manage their impact on our children.</p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2-UEQ9bdfJ9dHLb135XrZ_HfJdky1telVJ04FYakz3nkjIQhAX0EAImloqp0fe1QnrGX5KqURut-6XwsYt6ZlFjpHhhUlP4Q__vogSsHouV2sgPk6yWONrpnHnsTitVL_q86ua-JUI3cDPRApTTZj1Mc-nd1LgdYDjuLRUYhIK3zyIn0-y0tU_hTkdw/s5620/shutterstock_437807485.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3747" data-original-width="5620" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2-UEQ9bdfJ9dHLb135XrZ_HfJdky1telVJ04FYakz3nkjIQhAX0EAImloqp0fe1QnrGX5KqURut-6XwsYt6ZlFjpHhhUlP4Q__vogSsHouV2sgPk6yWONrpnHnsTitVL_q86ua-JUI3cDPRApTTZj1Mc-nd1LgdYDjuLRUYhIK3zyIn0-y0tU_hTkdw/s320/shutterstock_437807485.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><p></p><p>These emotions are described in depth in my new book, <b><i><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Gifted-Parenting-Journey-Self-Discovery-Families/dp/1953360157/?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_w=TXUoo&content-id=amzn1.sym.e4bd6ac6-9035-4a04-92a6-fc4ad60e09ad&pf_rd_p=e4bd6ac6-9035-4a04-92a6-fc4ad60e09ad&pf_rd_r=C2XTV4Q3BHKDDYZD8TGE&pd_rd_wg=dvUlh&pd_rd_r=aed939b2-d9f8-47cc-b2e4-d84a96343171&ref_=pd_gw_ci_mcx_mr_hp_atf_m" target="_blank">The Gifted Parenting Journey: A Guide to Self-discovery and Support for Families of Gifted Children</a>.</i></b> And while I plan to elaborate further in future blog posts and articles, a brief description of these complex emotions is listed below. Some findings from the Gifted Parenting Survey, an online survey conducted in early 2022 to access parents' emotions and reactions, are also included.</p><p><br /></p><p><b>Exhilaration</b></p><p>Of all the emotions and reactions we experience as parents, exhilaration, excitement, and <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2019/05/is-it-all-right-to-feel-proud-of-your.html" target="_blank">pride</a> over our gifted child's abilities and accomplishments are the easiest to accept. Who wouldn't be overjoyed and astonished that their child excels, wins awards, or shows tremendous empathy and compassion for those less fortunate? Nevertheless, these feelings can be complicated. Many parents of the gifted are reluctant to share their child's latest accomplishments with even their closest friends, given concerns that they might appear to be <a href="https://crushingtallpoppies.com/2014/02/06/my-child-is-gifted-do-you-think-im-bragging-now/" target="_blank">bragging</a> or that acknowledging their child's giftedness could create conflict. Parents of neurotypical children often cannot fully grasp that our child's accomplishments are not the product of prepping and coaching, but a natural progression based on their abilities. Our spontaneous expression of excitement may be perceived negatively. As a result, we might hold back details - or possibly share nothing at all.</p><p>In the survey of 428 parents of gifted children launched online earlier this year (and summarized in my book), a large percentage of parents (54.2%) indicated that they felt grateful "a lot" or "always" for their child's ability to excel and enjoy school and 30.3% were grateful "a lot" or "always" that their child possessed additional qualities, such as creativity, empathy, curiosity, and sensitivity. Certainly, these families have a lot to share about their child's strengths! Yet, two-thirds of these parents (65%) indicated that they felt misunderstood by other adults "a lot" or "always." Interestingly, a much smaller number reported that they have been accused of bragging (30%). It is possible that many parents of the gifted avoid situations that might result in accusations of boasting or bragging, and prefer to keep their thoughts and feelings to themselves.</p><p><br /></p><p><b>Envy</b></p><p>Envy is not pretty. It is not something we are proud of. Yet, almost everyone experiences envy at some point. It arises when we encounter folks with better looks, or abundant wealth, or whose children never seem to get in trouble! Parents of gifted children face some unique experiences with envy, particularly when we <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2022/02/when-you-compare-your-gifted-child-to.html" target="_blank">compare</a> ourselves or our children to others. When our child shows signs of asynchronous development, behaves immaturely, and cannot fit in with peers, we may wish they were more, well... normal. When another student wins that award we feel our child deserved, we might feel resentment - even though we know that the other child was also deserving. When we encounter families that can provide enrichment and after-school activities we cannot afford, we might envy their wealth. </p><p>Contrary to what we might expect, a substantial percentage of parents in the Gifted Parenting Survey did not report feelings of envy related to their child's level of functioning. In fact, 38.3% reported "never" feeling envy toward other children with better social skills, and 48.2% claimed that they "never" feel envy toward children who receive more recognition. It is possible that parents in this sample are exceptionally generous in how they react to others' successes or are able to distinguish their child's gifts/challenges/struggles from those of other children. On the other hand, envy is a troubling emotion; it is possible that this survey's questions did not tap into underlying resentments that are not easily acknowledged - even within the confines of a confidential survey.</p><p><br /></p><p><b>Embarrassment</b></p><p>All kids make goofy choices, <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2019/02/when-your-gifted-child-disappoints.html" target="_blank">disappoint</a> us, pronounce their uncensored observations (at quite inopportune times!), and disappoint us with their oppositional, disrespectful, or clueless behaviors. It's all a part of growing up and learning appropriate behavior. We may feel particularly vulnerable to embarrassment, though, when our gifted kids' advanced intellect and <a href="https://www.nagc.org/sites/default/files/Publication%20PHP/NAGC%20TIP%20Sheet-Asynchronous%20Development-FINAL%20REVISED-OCTOBER%202017(1).pdf" target="_blank">asynchronous development</a> confuse other adults who cannot grasp how such a bright child can behave so immaturely. It is difficult to take a neutral stance, calmly explain the discrepancy between their intellect and their behaviors to bystanders, and take that deep breath while reminding ourselves that we are not responsible for their actions. </p><p>Despite commonly voiced concerns about the embarrassment
parents of gifted children feel when their child disappoints, few of the
parents in the Gifted Parenting Survey identified frequent feelings of embarrassment. In fact, 34.3% reported that they "never" felt embarrassed by their
child’s social or emotional immaturity, 41.5% indicated that they "never" felt embarrassed by quirky or non-normative behaviors, and 42.9% reported "never" having concerns about their child’s disrespect toward authority. Perhaps, those parents who responded to the survey are a compassionate and enlightened group and have accepted some of their child's offbeat behaviors. On the other hand, like with feelings of envy, admitting to a troubling emotion like embarrassment may be difficult to acknowledge. It is also possible that only a subset of parents - perhaps those with highly asynchronous children - experience embarrassing incidents.</p><p><br /></p><p><b>Expectations</b></p><p>We all have expectations for our children, whether associated with family values, cultural norms, or merely an assumption that they should demonstrate kindness and respect to others. However, parents of the gifted are quite aware of their child's abilities and often feel pressured to personally ensure that their child excels. They question whether to push their child and worry that they might be pressuring their child too much - or conversely, not enough. When our children have so much potential, we may hold high expectations for them and assume personal responsibility for nurturing their talents. And of course, one of the greatest expectations involves what the schools can provide for our gifted child; these are typically realistic expectations that are rarely met, given the limited options available in most schools. </p><p>Worries about how to manage our expectations for our children are common. In the Gifted Parenting Survey, 90% of parents indicated that they feel a daunting level of responsibility to meet their child's academic needs "a lot" or "always" and 53.5% worried "a lot" or "always" about whether their child would reach their potential. And 51.6% felt uncertain "a lot" or "always" about how much to push their child. Clearly, the profound sense of responsibility for nurturing so much potential weighs heavily on the minds of many of these parents.</p><p><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p><b>The Takeaway</b></p><p>Every parent is unique and the intensity of our response to the "4 E's" will vary. What is most important is your diligent pursuit of self-awareness and attention to how your personal feelings and reactions might influence both parenting decisions and your relationship with your child. Use the "4E" concept as a check-in when you feel off-balance, pressured, uncertain, or experience regrets over how you approached your child. We are all imperfect as parents, but we owe it to ourselves and our children to recognize when we respond without thinking and when our reactions conflict with our goals and values. </p><p>A more in-depth understanding of these topics is available in <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Gifted-Parenting-Journey-Self-Discovery-Families/dp/1953360157/?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_w=oHIvu&content-id=amzn1.sym.8cf3b8ef-6a74-45dc-9f0d-6409eb523603&pf_rd_p=8cf3b8ef-6a74-45dc-9f0d-6409eb523603&pf_rd_r=SJVHWKMG0QVEHM009AGM&pd_rd_wg=MWSLG&pd_rd_r=77e6086d-41e1-4bca-abda-1fee77bb2a1d&ref_=pd_gw_ci_mcx_mi" target="_blank"><i>The Gifted Parenting Journey.</i></a> Interactive online workshops related to this topic also will be offered soon! (If you are not already receiving emails with these blog posts, please consider signing up.) And as I mentioned in previous blog posts, I am immensely grateful to those of you who responded to the Gifted Parenting Survey and shared your experience with all of us!</p><p><br /></p>Gail Post, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/01482577821092891593noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6702344196398061245.post-30064173846736236912022-09-13T09:02:00.004-04:002022-09-14T09:47:17.857-04:00The Gifted Parenting Journey <p><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">I am thrilled to announce that my book, <b><i>The Gifted Parenting Journey: A Guide to Self-discovery and Support for Families of Gifted Children</i></b>, has been published through <a href="https://www.giftedunlimitedllc.com/newly-released-and-forthcoming-books.html" target="_blank">Gifted Unlimited Press</a>. It is also available for pre-order through <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Gifted-Parenting-Journey-Self-Discovery-Families/dp/1953360157/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=" target="_blank">Amazon</a> and <a href="https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-gifted-parenting-journey-gail-post-phd/1141343433?ean=9781953360151" target="_blank">Barnes & Noble</a>. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidj4H0ILFPxhD_eRof_PwieeYEefbl943vmsG8n2eu73KON5BhF0JPyjqbxrm7QawtQJEm-ojcJllaN_KHBCUrDg483bWPzn9DtS2vaQbEYtfy_GMF3IQXLFVVbZGfQVSjWkWTnfNBK27ezZErLGOm-93v10IP5ezUl3ZxhsPt51enaxhzZZYPxHiu0w/s499/41UhlRoreRL._SX331_BO1,204,203,200_%20(1).jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-size: large;"><img border="0" data-original-height="499" data-original-width="333" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidj4H0ILFPxhD_eRof_PwieeYEefbl943vmsG8n2eu73KON5BhF0JPyjqbxrm7QawtQJEm-ojcJllaN_KHBCUrDg483bWPzn9DtS2vaQbEYtfy_GMF3IQXLFVVbZGfQVSjWkWTnfNBK27ezZErLGOm-93v10IP5ezUl3ZxhsPt51enaxhzZZYPxHiu0w/s320/41UhlRoreRL._SX331_BO1,204,203,200_%20(1).jpg" width="214" /></span></a></div><p></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><span><b><i>The Gifted Parenting Journey </i></b></span><span style="background-color: white;">addresses the challenges parents of gifted children face, encourages self-awareness as an essential component of parenting, and recommends how to find guidance and support.</span><span> It is a tribute to all the parents out there who have struggled and questioned their parenting decisions, yet persisted in their advocacy efforts, sustained by love for their child.</span><span style="background-color: white;"> Throughout this book, parents are encouraged to discover more about their deeper emotions and motivations, what influences their attitudes and expectations, and how certain reactions are elicited in response to the gifted experience. They are prompted to explore questions that should increase self-awareness, and are offered both practical tools for managing their emotions and guidelines for improving their parenting skills.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><span data-mce-style="color: #000000;" style="background-color: white; color: black;"><span>While many excellent books about raising gifted children are available, most focus on the child, but pay little attention to the parent's unique experience. <b><i>The Gifted Parenting J</i></b></span></span><span style="background-color: white;"><b><i>ourney</i></b>, instead, addresses the needs and emotional life <i>most commonly faced by parents of gifted children</i>. </span><span style="background-color: white;">What they might experience, worry about, and feel. What nags at them, stumps them, and evokes their greatest concerns. What deep emotions fill them with dread and envy and regret. How they can weather and even thrive despite roadblocks to their child's education, criticism from others based on stereotypes of the gifted, and their own self-doubts. Understanding your thoughts, assumptions, and feelings - and distinguishing these emotions from what your child needs - is key to making informed parenting decisions.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="background-color: white; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><span data-mce-style="color: #000000;" style="color: black;"><span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><i>The Gifted Parenting Journey</i></b> combines the latest research</span> and theory, clinical insight based on decades of experience as a psychologist, and vignettes from situations parents of gifted children routinely face. What is particularly exciting, though, is that <b>results from the online survey that YOU, dear readers, participated in</b> are shared throughout this book. Survey findings and personal anecdotes from the 428 parents who responded to the survey highlight <i>what other parents want readers to know. </i></span></span><span style="background-color: transparent;">I am immensely grateful to those of you who were willing to participate in the Gifted Parenting Survey. Much has been theorized, but so little is actually known about what parents of the gifted truly feel; i</span><span style="background-color: transparent;">t is quite powerful to <i>learn from</i> <i>all of you</i> and compile results from your shared wisdom. </span></span></p><p style="background-color: white; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="background-color: white; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="background-color: white; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">My hope is that this book will provide some guidelines, strategies, and support, along with the occasional challenge, and enhance your parenting journey. As always, please let me know your thoughts, questions, or reactions. I will continue to share highlights from the book and some specific findings from <i><b>The Gifted Parenting Journey</b></i> in future blog posts and articles. </span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #4782c1; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #4782c1; margin: 0px;"><br /></p>Gail Post, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/01482577821092891593noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6702344196398061245.post-40535932877986829602022-08-08T11:51:00.000-04:002022-08-08T11:51:02.056-04:00Are AP classes good (or bad) for gifted students?<p><b><br /></b></p><h3 style="text-align: left;"><b>Are AP classes beneficial for gifted students... <i>or not?</i></b></h3><p><b><br /></b></p><p>Countless numbers of gifted students and their families are besieged by this question, especially as the new school year approaches. <i>Are AP classes worth the effort and stress? Do they really replicate college classes? Will they thwart a student's creative drive and turn them into a fact machine? And are they just a racket that supports the College Board?</i></p><p><i><br /></i></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHZY8aQ9qpaT8O1DZc3XKmq6icJ52ozhYIAgNqiV75FfLpWNObENLGRhK5l3xgs6yKjFKqRHiJg0UFcSmrx7oapSLFnm6Nf48TLt9qtvUdzIWS07EH028oTa2198kgXDwzqeIM76IKeyJ4uZ2xMJjxXmfVhgK8h4YPkOngFNbA3uZnelfd5eMMcFu5ew/s5184/nguyen-dang-hoang-nhu-qDgTQOYk6B8-unsplash.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3456" data-original-width="5184" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHZY8aQ9qpaT8O1DZc3XKmq6icJ52ozhYIAgNqiV75FfLpWNObENLGRhK5l3xgs6yKjFKqRHiJg0UFcSmrx7oapSLFnm6Nf48TLt9qtvUdzIWS07EH028oTa2198kgXDwzqeIM76IKeyJ4uZ2xMJjxXmfVhgK8h4YPkOngFNbA3uZnelfd5eMMcFu5ew/s320/nguyen-dang-hoang-nhu-qDgTQOYk6B8-unsplash.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><p><br /></p>As most of you likely know, AP (Advanced Placement) classes provide an opportunity for more intensive study in certain high school subjects and include a set format with standards presumably comparable across schools nationwide. Students can elect to take an exam sponsored by the College Board when the course is over, and will receive a score ranging from 1-5 (with 5 considered an exceptional score). Many students - including gifted students - opt to take at least a few AP classes for a variety of reasons, such as a drive to achieve, a strong interest in a particular subject area, or to improve chances for college admissions.<p></p><p><br /></p><p>However, criticisms of AP classes and exams have flourished over the years. Concerns include claims that a <a href="https://www.theatlantic.com/national/archive/2012/10/ap-classes-are-a-scam/263456/" target="_blank">rigid and formulaic structure</a> thwarts creativity, that memorization is prioritized instead of critical thinking, and that the exams are a <a href="https://www.therealcollegeboard.org/finance" target="_blank">money-making venture</a> for the College Board. Some classes (such as AP World History or English Literature) have been <a href="https://www.teachersgoinggradeless.com/blog/ap-english-whiteness" target="_blank">criticized</a> for providing a skewed perspective - one that is predominantly White and male. Other criticisms, as summarized <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/freedom-learn/202110/the-advanced-placement-racket#:~:text=Pressure%20to%20take%20AP%20courses,%2Dconsuming%2C%20stress%2Dinducing." target="_blank">here</a>, suggest that AP classes lack depth, do <i>not </i>enhance college admissions chances or even <a href="https://www.insidehighered.com/admissions/views/2020/05/26/ap-courses-do-not-deserve-college-credit-opinion" target="_blank">actual preparation for college</a>, and that pressure (internalized or external) to take an overload of demanding classes can be overwhelming and even crushing to the adolescent psyche. Furthermore, Black, Latino, and lower-income students are often <a href="https://edtrust.org/resource/why-are-black-and-latino-students-shut-out-of-ap-stem-courses/" target="_blank">denied access</a> to AP classes or do not perform as well as their White or higher-income peers. </p><p><br /></p><p>I am not an educator, so cannot comment on educational content. However, in my psychotherapy practice, I have worked with many families who questioned whether their gifted child should take AP classes, along with gifted teens who have shared their reactions to the classes. The <i>only</i> complaints I heard reflected the usual worries about grades, homework, or occasionally, frustration with the teacher. Not much different than comments about any given class at school.</p><p><span style="color: red;"><br /></span></p><p>What seemed apparent, though, was that most gifted teens really liked AP classes. They were thrilled to <i>finally</i> have an opportunity to engage in a class where academic excellence was not squelched by rote instruction or peer pressure to hide their abilities. They were relieved to interact with students driven to learn on a more intensive level, no longer encumbered by distractions from classmates disinterested in academics. They often felt respected by teachers who appreciated their students' passion and drive. In contrast, much greater frustration and even despair were expressed when gifted students were placed in grade-level classes (often perceived as torturous and filled with boredom or busy work that offended their sensibilities), or honors classes (often viewed as easier or a watered-down version of AP classes). My comments about the benefits and drawbacks of AP classes that follow are based on research, opinions voiced by educators or treatment professionals, my clinical experience as a psychologist and workshop leader, my years as co-chair of a gifted parenting advocacy group, and a few of my own impressions as a parent. </p><p><br /></p><h3 style="text-align: left;"><b>The following are some reasons to consider AP classes for your gifted child (<i>and a few reasons to avoid them</i>). </b></h3><p><br /></p><p><b>1. Gifted children thrive when challenged and when provided opportunities for enrichment. </b></p><p>While AP classes may follow a standardized format and sometimes provide fewer opportunities for creative expression or independent and critical thinking, they also may be the most demanding and intellectually challenging classes available in most high schools. Many gifted students feel relief when offered an opportunity to study a topic in depth (even if some of this involves memorization). And although critics have lamented<a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2015/08/02/education/edlife/stress-social-media-and-suicide-on-campus.html?ref=edlife&_r=0" target="_blank"> the pressure-cooker environments</a> that compel high-achieving students to push themselves to the brink, most gifted teens will do just fine in these classes. The perfectionists among them may struggle, but most will embrace the challenge. Many teachers also relish teaching an AP class, where they have a captive audience of engaged students <i>who choose to be there</i>. In their survey of gifted high school students, <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0016986208319705" target="_blank">Hertberg-Davis and Callahan</a> reported that AP and IB classes were a relief to many students who finally felt challenged in these classes:</p><p><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></p><blockquote><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333;">"Nearly all of the students in our study indicated that AP and IB [International Baccalaureate] courses were the first courses in which th</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: inherit;">ey experience</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: inherit;">d genuine challenge, and the first academic environments in which they felt comfortable with their advanced abilities and academic interests. This indicates that many gifted students have to wait until the last few years of their school careers to encounter courses appropriately matched to their needs."</span></span></blockquote><p></p><p><br /></p><p><b>2. AP classes often cultivate an accepting social environment. </b></p><p>AP classes host a collection of peers who value academics, effort, and a willingness to engage in class discussion. Given the trend toward elimination of ability-grouped classes - especially in middle school - gifted teens <a href="https://giftedchallenges.blogspot.com/2017/01/when-gifted-kids-get-to-exhale.html" target="_blank">may be overjoyed</a> to finally share a classroom with other students who want to be there! They no longer feel compelled to hide their abilities to fit in or avoid ridicule. Many times, these classes provide a safe haven, free from peer pressure that demands conformity to the normative high school culture. This sense of relief alleviates stress, and many gifted teens prefer these classes - even if they must work harder than they would elsewhere. Regardless of whether AP classes provide the depth and creativity most gifted students crave, at the very least, these classes provide a brief respite from the social pressures awaiting them once they step outside the classroom.</p><p><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><span>3. </span>AP classes require
hard work and diligence.</b><o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span><span style="font-family: inherit;">Many gifted kids coast
through school with little effort. They rarely enlist executive functioning skills, such as time
management, organizational strategies, or study skills. AP classes may usher in their
first challenging academic experience where they must learn to study, expend effort, and
realize that not everything will be easy. This experience is great preparation
for college and career. When school is no longer easy, they will appreciate challenging themselves differently and gain perspective on the limits of their abilities. AP classes may provide a rude awakening to students who have never exerted effort in school. Given this reality, some shy away from too much pressure and may avoid taking these classes. Others take a strategic approach and only select AP classes
that are compatible with their interests and abilities. For example, students who dislike math and
science might choose to take AP Environmental Science, often viewed as the “easy” AP
science class. Those who dislike reading might avoid the AP English
classes. Participation in at least one AP class, though, provides an opportunity for gifted students to flex their intellectual muscles and work hard to succeed.</span><span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;"><br /></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;"><b>4. </b></span><b>AP scores still provide a boost when applying to college, and high scores can be used for college credit (at some colleges) </b></p><p>While a <a href="https://www.insidehighered.com/admissions/article/2018/09/24/surveys-admissions-officers-and-counselors-find-mixed-view-ap-program" target="_blank">recent survey</a> of college admissions officers indicated that a substantial proportion valued honors classes as much as AP classes, the reality in most schools is that AP classes are considered the most rigorous courses available. And that is what admissions departments want to see: evidence of a student's willingness to push themselves and tackle demanding work<span style="font-family: inherit;">. After all, colleges expect that their incoming students are motivated and have the drive to apply themselves. A willingness to exert effort in high school is a good sign. <span>An AP exam score of 4 or
5 also confers course credits at some colleges, or at least, will allow students
to place out of some introductory courses. While AP
class material may be less challenging than actual college coursework, many
colleges still provide the option of using these classes for credit, letting students </span><span>move quickly into more challenging
coursework. </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;"><br /></span></p><p><b>5. On the other hand, AP exam scores are not as important as you might think. </b></p><p>Even if your under-motivated, underachieving gifted child scores poorly on the exam, learning advanced material in a challenging school and peer environment is a positive experience. Some <a href="Are more likely than their peers to attend college and graduate on time. Even AP Exam scores of 1 or 2 predict better college outcomes than academically similar college students who didn’t take an AP course and exam. And students who achieve an AP Exam score of 2 do significantly better in introductory college classes (compared to academically similar students who don’t take that corresponding AP Exam). Also, students who achieve AP Exam scores of a 1 or 2 often earn a higher score on the subsequent AP Exams they take." target="_blank">research</a> indicates that students with a low exam score of 1 or 2 are <i>still</i> more likely to attend college and graduate on time than their peers, and also have better college outcomes than college students who did not take an AP course or exam. While this research sampled a wide range of students and is not specific to the gifted, it still highlights the benefits derived from merely attending these classes. However, your gifted child is likely quite capable of achieving a higher test score, and other factors may be responsible for their poor performance (e.g., anxiety, perfectionism, depression, rebellion from expectations, or disengagement from school).</p><p><br /></p><p><b>6. AP classes may be a better alternative than what is available in many high schools</b></p><p>Although AP classes may not provide enough time for the deeper exploration many gifted students crave, there is no guarantee that gifted students would benefit more from an honors class or other academic opportunities at school. Honors classes may not be comparable across school districts or even among teachers within the same school due to a less standardized curriculum. Many gifted students view honors classes as an easier alternative to AP classes. A critic of AP classes, <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/freedom-learn/202110/the-advanced-placement-racket#:~:text=Pressure%20to%20take%20AP%20courses,%2Dconsuming%2C%20stress%2Dinducing." target="_blank">Gray</a> has suggested that students might, instead: "conduct independent research, volunteer in a lab, write for their school newspaper or even their community weekly newspaper, or tutor students in lower-level courses." While Gray offers wonderful suggestions, most gifted students <i>already</i> engage in many of these activities. They often spend an inordinate amount of time on their own working independently (e.g., writing that novel, designing websites, tinkering with the latest tech gadget), and benefit intellectually and socially from the collaborative engagement and even competition within a classroom of peers. </p><p><br /></p><p>In an <a href="https://www.nagc.org/blog/ap-great-gifted-high-schoolers" target="_blank">NAGC article</a>, Finn and Scanlon claimed that AP classes benefit gifted students for a variety of reasons: AP classes provide " built-in quality control and rigor," often enlist a school's "most enthusiastic teachers," are "well-understood" by college admissions officers (given the standardized nature of the curriculum), and demand that students develop the study skills that will serve them well in college and beyond. They note that "Advanced Placement remains the closest thing America has to a quality, large-scale 'gifted and talented' program at the high school level."</p><p><br /></p><h3 style="text-align: left;"><b>How can you help your child decide? </b></h3><p><br /></p><p>Despite these advantages listed above, gifted teens still need your guidance in determining whether to take an AP class and if so, which one(s) and how many. Here are a few guidelines to consider:</p><p><br /></p><p>1. Some gifted teens struggle with the structured format of AP classes. They may rebel when classes seem rigid or when few opportunities for in-depth learning or creative engagement are available. In these situations, honors classes, or an arrangement for independent study through your school's gifted supervisor, may be more valuable.</p><p><br /></p><p>2. Encourage an open discussion with your child about choosing AP classes. Some high-achieving students take an overload of AP classes because they think this is expected, or worry that they will not get into the college they desire without an array of AP classes listed on their transcripts. They may need your encouragement to scale back some of their expectations and choose a reasonable number of AP or honors classes that will not be overwhelming. </p><p><br /></p><p>3. Once your child takes on a more demanding workload, remain supportive when they struggle, but insist that they stay focused and complete their assignments. They may benefit from your help with organizational and planning strategies so that they do not fall behind. Encourage them to speak to their teacher or guidance counselor about how to manage the workload. If they become highly self-critical or show signs of increased anxiety or depression, mental health counseling may be indicated.</p><p><br /></p><p>4. Remind your child that a high exam score is not required. Let them know that you are proud of them for choosing a more demanding class. They are not expected to take the exam, and if they eventually agree to take it, help them view their score like any other test score - as a snapshot in time of their accumulated knowledge, and not a referendum on their abilities, strengths, or character! As with all things parenting, you can help them put their reactions into perspective.</p><p><br /></p><p>AP classes are one of many options available to high school students. They are not a substitute for gifted education, though, but offer a more challenging option than what is available in most high schools. Researchers <a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0016986208319705" target="_blank">Hertberg-Davis and Callahan</a> further noted that: "<span style="font-family: inherit;">I<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333;">nfusing greater rigor into the K-12 curriculum and allowing gifted students to spend at least part of the day with like-ability peers would go a long way in ensuring that gifted students' academic and social/emotional needs are being met throughout their school careers."</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333;"> It is unfortunate that many gifted children must wait until high school to access academically challenging classes. </span>One can only wonder what a gifted child's educational experience could be if they had an opportunity to participate in challenging classes throughout their years in school. </span> </p>Gail Post, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/01482577821092891593noreply@blogger.com4