Back-to-School Checklist for Gifted and Twice-Exceptional Students

It's more than the usual chaos and uncertainty. Here's what families need to know.

                                                            Image: Pexels/Caleb Oquendo

Parents of gifted or twice-exceptional (2e) children are tasked with a somewhat different back-to-school checklist.

Yes, the backpack, lunchbox, and basic school supplies are on the list. But parents of gifted kids face additional challenges that frequently differ from the norm.

The following are tasks to consider when shepherding your gifted or 2e child (who has a co-existing condition such as ADHD or a learning disability) back to school.

A checklist for the tasks ahead

1. Consider what evaluations or supports your child needs

If your child has not yet received a cognitive or neuropsychological evaluation (and you have concerns about boredom or academic and social/emotional struggles), approach the school for your next step. It can take weeks, if not months, to schedule an evaluation, so submit your request as soon as possible. In many school districts, there is a specific protocol for requesting an evaluation. Ask your child’s teacher or the administration about what to do.

If gifted identification is mandated where you live (something that varies depending on your state or province), the school is required to provide testing. If not, you might need to search for a private evaluation, especially if your child is in a private school.

Based on results from the evaluation, your child may qualify for an Individualized Education Plan (IEP), a Gifted Individualized Education Plan (GIEP) or a 504 Plan (examples of terms used to denote special services for students who qualify due to a disability or gifted cognitive abilities). These plans are typically devised in collaboration with you and your child’s teacher and a specialist (such as a reading specialist or gifted education consultant), and the school psychologist. Sometimes your child is also invited to these meetings, depending on their age.

Once there is agreement among all participants, the plan becomes a “legal document” that informs and mandates services your child should recieve throughout the school year. The plan is revisited at least once a year to assess progress and tweak what is necessary going forward.

If your child requires supports beyond gifted education, such as help with a learning disability or fine motor skills, services will include professionals, such as a reading specialist, occupational therapist, licensed mental health professional, or a tutor.

2. Request an IEP meeting as soon as possible

If your child already has an IEP, GIEP, or 504 plan, set up a time to revise the plan. What worked last year may not work now. Make sure a meeting is in place — even to touch base about how/when/where your child will receive the support they need.

Advocacy efforts, unfortunately, fall on you, since many education professionals are overworked and under pressure to manage a large classroom full of students with diverse needs. If you reside in an area without mandates for gifted education or your child attends a private school, set up a meeting with whomever is in charge of education support.

And sometimes, giftedness or twice-exceptional needs are overlooked or misunderstood (see: What Families Wish the Experts Knew). Educate yourself about your child’s challenges and what resources may be necessary.

3. Search for activities outside of school that support and feed your child’s intense interests

Look for activities where your child can thrive outside of the traditional classroom, hone their skills, and find true peers. Many times, these activities spark their passion and allow them to envision their future selves. Some examples include a film-making class, theatre, gymnastics, chess, robotics, music classes, or a math league.

Search for activities that are low cost. When my kids were in school, they thrived through participation in a local chess club. It challenged their intellect and was a healthy outlet for competition. Even better: the cost to join was $15.00 a year! As parents, we were thrilled that they found something they enjoyed… and equally thrilled that it was so affordable!

4. Search for extra-curricular activities unrelated to your child’s giftedness

Sometimes stretching themselves to try something new and different (and perhaps difficult) can open your child’s eyes to strengths they never knew they had. It also builds resilience.

Activities unrelated to school or your child’s cognitive giftedness broaden their horizons and offer new perspectives. When my kids were in elementary school, for example, they were expected to pick one sport and one musical instrument of their choice. This also set a template for stressing the importance of physical exercise and creative outlets.

5. Start planning for the following year

School may have just started, but think ahead to what your child might need going forward. Are they transitioning into middle school or high school next year? Do you need to advocate for grade or subject acceleration or more opportunities for ability grouping? Would they beneift from a different school or summer activity where their talents will flourish? Start your search early, as some programs, schools, or specialty camps fill up quickly.

6. If your child is in high school, start thinking about college

Learning more about college options, financial aid, and the best college fit for your child is essential. Gather information about what will boost your child’s options, such as a good score on the PSATs, classes focused on SAT prep, or dual enrollment at a college (see more about college planning here). Identifying a college that can provide support for students with twice-exceptional conditions also may be relevant.

Even if the school has a college counselor on site, you still know your child best and need to be involved with the college search. In my clinical psychology and consulting practice, I see how families often leave college planning up to their child or the school counselor. Many school counselors are overworked and may not be familiar with colleges that might be most compatible with a gifted or neurodiverse student’s needs. It falls on you to become knowledgeable about what college options are best for your child.

And most teens have trouble deciding what to wear in the morning! Why should we assume that they possess the maturity, foresight, or awareness of potential financial implications (such as exhorbitant costs or loan burden) to find the best college choice? Why would you leave the decision solely up them without your input or guidance?

7. Encourage opportunities for personal and developmental growth

Identify areas of growth that will help your child thrive. This might include a goal to work on social skills (encouraging your shy child to attend more social activities), developing improved executive functioning skills, such as planning and time management, or learning to help others.

Incorporate family values, such as generosity and integrity, and encourage them, for example, to shovel snow for an elderly neighbor or volunteer at an animal shelter. Help them set goals that are just as important as academics.

In my work with high school seniors who are already academically successful, sometimes their task for the entire school year involves taking social risks, learning time management, or developing greater confidence. These non-academic tasks are what psychologist and author Steven Pfeiffer descibes as character strengths that are essential for enhancing emotional intelligence.

8. Pay attention to their social well-being

Focus on what will support your child best with social or emotional struggles. Even the most well-adjusted, socially-connected child goes through tough times. But gifted and 2e children often have greater difficulty finding friends who truly get them.

If your child is young, it may fall on you to set up playdates, with an eye toward encouraging time spent with peers who relate well to your child. If they are older, though, you can still offer some guidance. For example, if your child is anxious, they may require some encouragement, role-modeling about handling difficult interactions, or goal-setting to ensure that they attend social events. If your child is highly sensitive, they may benefit from strategies that support them in stressful social situations. Sometimes, working with the school counselor, school psychologist, or a licensed mental health professional can help.

9. All A’s are not necessarily signs of success

Some gifted children breeze through school, but never learn how to weather academic challenges or develop executive functioning skills. They assume that school should be easy and they may avoid anything that is difficult. Underachievement can take many forms, and can be masked when your child seems to excel.

Working with your child’s teacher or gifted consultant may help. Your child may benefit from specific tasks that require greater effort or help them to develop planning and goal-setting strategies. If your child is perfectionistic, they may benefit from a grade-free option (sometimes available in elementary schools) where they work on a portfolio that showcases their progress rather than a targeted grade.

10. Pay attention to your own health and wellbeing

Raising a gifted or 2e child is a joy, but also quite demanding. As I mentioned throughout my book about parenting gifted children, your self-awareness and attention to your own needs is essential, along with developing a support network of friends, family, and parents of other gifted kids who can navigate this journey with you.

The back-to-school time may be fraught with challenges related to the transition and your own expectations (see: Back-to-School Blues). When you feel strong, clear about your parenting role, and supported by others, you are better equipped to offer the support and guidance your child needs.

Wishing you well for the upcoming school year!

Please share this with others who might be forming their own back-to-school checklists. 

A similar version of this article was published on Medium.

You Can't Fool a Gifted Kid

 They spot inauthenticity a mile away

Image: Pexels/Cottonbro

Gifted children come equipped with an attuned awareness of the world around them.

Their attunement comes in different flavors. Some gifted kids use logic and even mathematical reasoning to figure things out. Others are hit with insight like a lightning bolt. Still others feel profound emotions and empathy for those who are suffering. They cringe when confronted with duplicitous behavior or meanness. They question why bullying and nastiness and deception exist at all; it is harsh and mean and doesn’t make any sense.

You can’t fool them.

You can’t cajole them.

You can’t pretend.

Gifted kids spot inauthenticity, falsehoods, injustice, unfairness, and just plain foolishness a mile away.

Their keen intellect and heightened sensitivity color perceptions of the world around them. They have no patience for pettiness, spitefulness, false bravado, or fake friendliness. They have no respect for pretenders and posers. They cannot tolerate teachers who lack clarity or an in-depth understanding of what they are teaching — and get in trouble for eye rolling, reading a book in their laps, or asking pertinent confrontational questions.

Authenticity is Pivotal

As long as authenticity is part of the equation, though, gifted children will be accepting.

They understand that all adults make mistakes, that their friends can have a bad day, and that teachers are imperfect. They forgive their parents for their occasional outbursts. They accept apologies and are typically compassionate toward another’s struggles.

When they encounter inauthenticity, though, they feel adrift. Some experience existential distress (especially common among gifted teens), compounded by deep disappointment when family members, teachers, religious leaders, politicians, or community members seem duplicitous, unkind, or adhere to values and doctrine that make no sense.

Underlying their existential angst is despair.

They feel lost once they lose faith in those people or institutions they once trusted.

How this affects parents and educators

Your gifted child or student may not necessarily agree with your rules; they may complain and groan and debate you like a lawyer. But ultimately, they recognize when your decisions make sense. They may not like limiting their screen use or taking end-of-semester exams, but they understand the rationale for these expectations.

However, if rules seem unreasonable, make no sense to them, or seem developmentally misattuned (like a bedtime that is much earlier than the norm), they will bristle, feel misunderstood, and perhaps, find a workaround. Some even resort to deception.

Children look to parents, teachers, coaches, and religious leaders for a sense of attunement and safety. If they feel misunderstood or treated unfairly by those they love, respect, or rely upon, they will feel despair.

Next steps for educators and parents

Parenting, teaching, or mentoring a gifted child can be tough. They spot every flaw and are quick to point them out! They expect authenticity and empathy and attunement. They won’t hold a grudge when they realize you lied about Santa, but they might if you hide a family secret from them.

For teachers:

Educators must appreciate that gifted kids are high challenge/high reward kinds of students. They can be demanding, disruptive, or disengaged if the curriculum seems tedious and boring. But when provided with a meaningful and engaging assignment, their enthusiasm is reawakened. You’ll see them blossom before your eyes.

Of course, teachers need support from their peers, mentors, and school administrators. Otherwise, accommodating the needs of gifted and twice-exceptional students (who have a co-existing condition, such as ADHD or a learning disability) may seem like yet another burdensome task.

Policy change is essential and often rests upon state, provincial, or local mandates about providing gifted education. If there are minimal guidelines where you teach, I urge you to reach out to state or provincial gifted education associations or the National Association for Gifted Education (NAGC) for guidance.

For parents:

Gifted children — all children — desperately need to trust you, know that you “get them,” and feel your love, regardless of their missteps. They need to know that their giftedness or achievements are never tied to your love for them.

As a parent, finding support and peers who understand is just as critical as any parenting guidelines or philosophy. Understanding your own struggles, setting aside time for yourself, and finding friends who understand (including other parents of gifted kids) will provide much-needed support. As I emphasize in my book, a compassionate understanding of your own needs and finding adequate support is essential when raising any child — but especially a gifted or twice-exceptional child.

A similar version of this article was recently published on Medium.