What Kind of Gifted Person Will You Become?

Cultivating an intentional path through self-awareness... despite the strengths and pitfalls of cognitive giftedness

Photo: The Author

Graduation season is upon us.

You may have graduated from high school… or college… or graduate or professional school. You may have launched from home. You might even have found your dream job.

But what kind of gifted person do you really want to be?

A strange question, perhaps.

As a cognitively gifted or twice-exceptional person, you may have excelled. You might hold a strong (and possibly perfectionistic) drive to achieve… or conversely, coasted through school without exerting much effort.

You quickly grasp information and relish the intensity, depth, and passion you bring when immersed in what interests you. You also might have felt some external or even internalized pressure to “live up to your potential.” And you may feel perplexed when faced with a range of career or lifestyle options due to your multipotentiality.

You might even grieve the road not traveled after abandoning uncharted vocational aspirations.

Being gifted may seem like a blessing but, at times, also a burden.

More control than you think

But what can you do about it?

After all, you’re no more responsible for your intellectual strengths than for your eye color. Right?

Well... perhaps you do have some control.

Many studies suggest that despite the heritability of intelligence, we all are affected by our environment: the impact of pollution, nutrition, early childhood deprivation, trauma, poverty, and the quality of the education we received.

Some lucky folks among us seem to have hit the lottery; a smooth, easy ride through childhood, the absence of trauma, and supportive, yet challenging families and teachers. The rest of us... well, we have struggled. Or our giftedness remained hidden. Or we never fully reached our potential.

As a psychologist, writer, parent, and another fellow traveler along this life journey, I have encountered many gifted folks. Some enthusiastically embrace life, learning, and their amazing potential. Others suppress and hide their talents and abilities. Still, others feel bitter and angry over lost opportunities.

I have known some gifted folks who:

• Love life and harness the power of their talents

• Focus their careers toward something meaningful

• Engage their empathy and heightened sensitivity in their interactions with those they love

• Utilize their strong analytic thinking and strategic skills to solve problems and find solutions

• Develop a curious, open-minded, receptive view of life, with an acceptance toward learning from whatever happens

• Take responsibility to address nagging insecurities, fears, skills deficits, or interpersonal struggles

I have also known gifted folks who:

• Harbor anger, bitterness, and apathy due to mistreatment from parents, schools, or peers

• Suppress their talents to please others; they avoid conflicts or competitive situations, or conform to cultural standards that frown upon expressing their abilities (due to gender, racial or cultural expectations or stereotypes)

• Flee from challenging social situations where they feel inadequate

• Refuse to push or challenge themselves and settle for mediocre circumstances

• Avoid academic or career opportunities that are difficult, require effort, or where they might not immediately excel

• Express impatience, cynicism, and frustration when peers, co-workers, or authority figures do not seem as smart, quick, or as capable of complex thinking

• Place excessive demands upon themselves to achieve perfection and always win or be the best

• Feel despair because they did not achieve their vision of success and cannot appreciate what they have accomplished or feel gratitude for what is positive in their lives

• Swear upside and down that, no way are they gifted! (despite enormous evidence to the contrary)

• Fear that others will be annoyed by their intensity or sensitivity

• Utilize their smarts to cut corners, avoid responsibility, coast through school, and take the easy way out, even though this keeps them feeling bored and apathetic

• Refuse to try something unless they are already good at it

• Feel like an imposter, despite successes

The bottom line:

The list of complicating factors could go on. But the takeaway is that you, as a gifted person, are entitled to take charge of your life and utilize your talents and abilities.

Your passionate engagement with what is interesting and meaningful is the best possible use of your inherent strengths. But it falls on you to challenge and resolve the personal roadblocks, fears, insecurity, and blind spots that block your path.

Even if you have endured trauma or a lackluster education.

Even if you have been bullied or never feel quite like you fit in.

Even if you make mistakes and are far from perfect.

Take stock of your values, passions, interests, and what drives you… and follow that path. This might involve journaling, devising a list of self-reflective questions*, connecting with a group of like-minded friends, or seeking the support of a licensed mental health professional, mentor, or spiritual leader.

Regardless of whether you are 15 or 50, you deserve to embrace your strengths and challenge yourself to expand your reach.

Poet Mary Oliver’s wonderful quote applies here: “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”

What will you do?

What kind of gifted person will you become?

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A similar version of this was posted previously on Substack.

*Stay tuned for articles with suggestions about questions for self-reflection, designed to enhance your self-awareness.