There is a problem lurking in the gifted field... and in many other mental health and wellness specialties. Enough of a problem, that I am going out on a limb as I write this. I realize this may piss off some folks; I am okay with taking that risk, since I believe it is vital that families use caution when selecting resources for their children.
And while this pertains to families of gifted and twice-exceptional (2e) children, the concerns are widespread and are relevant for any parent seeking guidance about their child.
So here goes...
Times have changed!
When my kids were in school, gifted resources were pretty slim. Parents relied on each other through word-of-mouth. We had Hoagies' Gifted Education (thank you, Carolyn!), our state-based gifted education association (PAGE), and a few of the classic books about giftedness. That was it.
But now, there is an explosion in gifted and twice-exceptional (G/2e) resources: websites, podcasts, webinars, blogs, and social media parent groups. Some of these are a much-needed breath of fresh air; finally (!), parents can find their peeps and quickly gather ideas and information. Parents of G/2e kids feel so isolated and alone and desperately in need of support. It can be a blessing to find a group of like-minded adults who truly get you and get your child.
Advice, advice everywhere!
Given the widespread need, there has been an upsurge in, shall we say, questionable advice. There are self-proclaimed experts and coaches – many of whom have little or sometimes no actual training in counseling or education. There are so-called neurodiversity experts on social media, unintentionally confusing families with their adamant claims about misdiagnoses or missed diagnoses and finding identity. (In fact, self-diagnosis is now commonplace among some of the louder voices online.) There are folks with an alphabet soup of letters after their names, implying credibility. There are allusions to mental health training, when in fact, it is marginal. There is even outright deception.
How peer support differs from other types of support
I have no problem with peer support.
In fact, if I had a bullhorn, I would broadcast the value of peer support far and wide. As a psychologist, I refer clients to 12-step meetings all the time. I advocate widely for the essential importance of peer support for families of gifted children. Much of my book, The Gifted Parenting Journey, was built on this foundation.
Peer support for families of G/2e children is amazing and essential. But participants know they are receiving advice from peers. Sometimes extremely helpful, supportive, wise, and life-saving advice. Peer support is a necessity. If you don't already have it, find it!
I am immensely grateful for the peer support I found through involvement in a gifted advocacy group when my children were in school. Wise parents shared ideas, troubles, worries, and essential information about testing and classes and college planning. The support and camaraderie were enormously helpful; however, it was peer support. No one in the group boasted that they were an expert.
But here is the problem...
Some folks step beyond the role of peer support to monetize their opinions. Some may be well-intentioned, kind-hearted, smart, and experts in their respective careers. But they are not trained as educators or psychotherapists or reading specialists or neuropsychologists or any other professional in a field related to giftedness or learning differences or neurodiversity.
Instead, these so-called experts claim expertise based on their own personal experience as gifted or neurodiverse or the parent of a G/2e child.
Now, there is nothing wrong with sharing one's personal journey with the intention of offering support or advocating for the needs of the gifted. Charging for the time and energy to provide space for a meeting is understandable.
But charging for advice... well, that crosses a line. By hanging out a shingle proclaiming expertise, they deceptively present themselves as an "expert" and set up a power differential that implies expertise, training, experience and a solid knowledge base. Some folks start out advocating for the gifted and transition into the role of workshop leader or life coach based solely on their personal experience, often oblivious to how much they don't know.
The lure of smartness
Gifted folks are smart. They absorb information quickly (just like their kids!) and might assume that after reading some books and research articles about giftedness or neurodivergence, they have acquired the expertise to counsel, coach, or even diagnose you or your child. Psychology and education are "squishy" fields, lacking the technicality of careers like engineering or microbiology or physics. This lack of technical complexity can lead to assumptions that, well, anyone can do the job, regardless of training.
But while SparkNotes might get your child through a high school class, shortcuts in education or mental health training don't exist.
I am a licensed psychologist – and yes, also a parenting coach. My training as a clinical psychologist informs my work and guides me when determining whether a client needs therapy or coaching. My training also provides the clarity to know the limits of my expertise. In fact, licensed psychotherapists are not permitted to practice beyond their area of training and experience.
I might support parents in their efforts to communicate effectively with the school, for example, but I would never suggest how their child should be educated. I leave that up to the dedicated teachers who actually know what they are doing!
Unfortunately, many untrained, minimally trained, or unlicensed folks in the gifted space are not bound by such constraints. They might assume that because they have lived it, their advice is valid.
Some are emboldened to claim expertise as educators or offer counseling via workshops or individual consultations, despite the absence of mental health training. In fact, some pay for endorsements or they espouse book awards for their writing that come from sites where they have paid for the review and subsequent award. I personally would not trust these folks. I hope you use caution as well.
So, buyer beware!
Parents of gifted kids are desperate for support. I get it. I don't blame anyone for seeking advice, even if the "provider" sounds too good to be true. But if you are investing your trust and hard-earned money, pay attention to what the person is offering.
How to separate the wheat from the chaff
1. Learn more.
Seek out referrals from those you trust. Ask questions. Shop around. No coach or psychotherapist is perfect and we all make mistakes (myself included). Psychotherapists should be licensed, and ideally have acquired many years of experience. Licensure laws are there to protect the public; licensed mental health professionals have at least the minimum level of training and are required to take continuing education classes to expand their knowledge.
Make sure that any life coach has a solid foundation in mental health or education, and not merely a brief credentialing course in life coaching. Ideally, coaching is best used to target a specific question or problem (e.g., executive functioning skills, SAT prep, identifying career choices) and not touted as a replacement for psychotherapy, or "therapy lite."
2. Trust your gut.
If it sounds too good to be true, run the other way. Scrutinize glossy websites and be wary of testimonials or boasts of outsize results. Trust your instincts when faced with coercive schemes or where pressure or shaming are used to recruit participants (as I described in this example of weight management coaching). Be especially wary of folks with only a scant amount of training, or sometimes, no training at all ("hey, I raised my gifted child, so I can guide you, and I'll charge you for it!") Or those who use titles (such as a doctoral degree in an unrelated field) to imply expertise in education or cognitive testing or mental health.
Unfortunately, in an era where lying and exaggeration are commonplace and social media celebrities readily offer advice, it falls on us as consumers to read between the lines. Scams and false representations occur in any field (not just politics!). This recent article, for example, describes a social media icon who proclaimed his status as a monk and spiritual guide, and whose deceptions were eventually exposed.
Take your child's needs seriously by finding someone who is the right fit, whose expertise is credible, and whose guidance you can trust.
3. Consider the value of true peer support.
Join your local or state-based gifted education association. Start a gifted parents' advocacy group at your child's school. Seek out other parents of gifted kids – whether on the playground, off-stage at your child's theater performances, or in the hallways outside of robotics tournaments. Some parenting groups found on social media sites can be tremendously supportive; however, use discretion with how much you disclose about your child, and if it involves a sensitive concern, ask the site's administrator to post anonymously. If you join a workshop or support group where you must pay for services, make sure you understand the group leader's role. While they might be charging for their time and energy, clarity is needed regarding whether they possess the expertise to offer you direct advice or guidance.
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Bottom line: Appreciate that searching and questioning are evidence of your concern and investment in supporting your child's needs. Gather all the advice, information, and support you need. But ground yourself in clarity about the reliability of any outside source before seeking out their guidance.
Wishing you well on this journey!
