Giftedness and Non-conformity

“I know I’m never going to fit in,” he remarked casually. “And, you know, I’m actually OK with that.” Many gifted adolescents and adults have recognized from an early age that they differed from their peers. Their intellectual skills, ability to easily grasp complex information, rapid pace of learning, emotional intensity and preoccupation with fairness and justice, to name a few, may create a barrier in relationships. But some gifted individuals have been able to accept their differences without embarrassment or succumbing to pressure to conform. They actually embrace their unique qualities, are unapologetically non-conformist, and cannot imagine joining the crowd just to fit in.

When describing gifted adolescents and adults, conformity is rarely a term that comes to mind. Compliments might include “quirky and independent,” “one of a kind,” or “brilliant and unique.”  Less endearing comments are also frequently expressed. “Encouraging him to fit in is like forcing a square peg into a round hole.” "Getting this class of gifted students to cooperate is like trying to herd cats.” The outside world looks on with curiosity and occasional frustration, often questioning how “someone so smart could be so stubborn.” But this non-conformist stance is not typically borne out of resentment or a desire for conflict. Rather, it develops in response to a combination of characteristics most gifted individuals share, including:

1. A drive toward fairness and justice - Gifted children abhor injustice in any form, stand up to bullies, question unfair rules, and challenge undeserved authority. Some gifted individuals would rather fail a class, lose a job, or get knocked down in a fight than compromise their values. Although championing the underdog may be admirable at times, it can certainly irritate teachers, bosses, and other authority figures who don’t appreciate having their rules challenged or their weaknesses exposed. 

2. High expectations for self and others – While some gifted individuals may be underachievers, most maintain high expectations for themselves, sometimes manifest as perfectionism. Along with this, they expect others to hold these same high standards. When they encounter unethical behavior, suboptimal performance, or inadequacies that can be corrected, they find it almost impossible to maintain respect or comply with what is expected of them.

3. Creative and inquisitive – Gifted individuals thrive on learning, engaging in creative pursuits, exploring new ideas, developing new concepts and inventions, and seeking the meaning of life. They shun rote learning, routine explanations, and simplistic ideas. Slowly paced instruction and boring, routine activities are torture for them. They challenge traditional explanations and concepts, and find new, inventive approaches to solve problems. While innovative and ground-breaking discoveries develop as a result of such creativity, bold challenges to the status quot can ruffle feathers and fuel conflict.

4. Greater sensitivity – Many gifted individuals possess heightened emotional sensitivities that result in stronger reactions to events and greater empathy for others. They are often strong-willed and strive for autonomy. These emotional characteristics, coupled with the likelihood that they have felt out of sync with their peers throughout much of their academic career, all contribute to the development of a non-conformist style. 

Gifted individuals of all ages have to grapple with the implications of their non-conformity on a regular basis. Unique, different and quirky, gifted individuals’ behaviors can be confusing, off-putting, exhilarating, a welcome relief from the norm, a target for bullying, or a model to be emulated. They may be viewed as opinionated and controversial, and may be misunderstood, envied, or perceived as a threat by those around them.  Gifted individuals benefit from learning how and when to best assert their views so that they can have the greatest impact, create the outcome they desire, and form healthy and meaningful relationships. Learning to harness their creative energy and non-conformist spirit with patience and compromise may help them to reach their goals.

Most important, though, is self-acceptance. When you already know you are different, it is healthier to embrace the positive aspects of this fact, than to bemoan it and wish you could be someone else. Gifted individuals can express their unique talents and maintain healthy relationships when they learn to accept and appreciate their differences.